“Have you talked to him about it?” I wanted to ask for more specifics, but it wasn’t my place. I was happy I even got him to open up at all.
“He wants to nurse, and I don’t want to.” Ah-ha. “So, I was going to introduce him to someone who does want it, but I can’t. Just thinking about him with someone else makes me nuts.”
“Jealous?”
“That’s an understatement.”
Since he opened the door to the question, I had to ask. “Why don’t you want him to nurse?”
“It— Hold on a sec.” I heard a commotion of sorts, then a door shut. “Needed more privacy for this. Sorry, I’m still at work.”
“No problem. I understand that.”
“This is hard to admit. I mean, the whole thing about the Brotherhood is to make us comfortable with what and how we are, to be ourselves and to nurse someone. If we want and all, but I’m not, and I feel like a hypocrite going to the meetings, when the last thing I want is…”
“To nurse.”
“Yeah.”
“Preston, it’s not only about being comfortable with nursing, but also figuring ourselves out and knowing there’s nothing wrong with how we are. That has to include not wanting to do it, but even if you don’t, you still have to pump sometimes, right?”
“I get that, and logically, it makes sense, but my heart is conflicted. I think it’s about how personal it is, Nate. I thought I could if I had someone close enough, and Rob and I are pretty close, but it’s still not working, and I don’t know how to tell him that.”
“How about just telling him, just like you did with me. I doubt nursing is the only thing he needs from you.”
“I know, I know. It’s— This is not easy, man.”
“No one ever said it was, brother.”
Preston gave me another loud sigh and mumbled something I couldn’t really hear, but it sounded like cursing.
“Maybe come to the next meeting?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know you’re right about all of this, but it doesn’t really help.”
“Maybe not right now, but you can work things out, if that’s what you want. None of the guys I know at the Brotherhood will judge you for any of this.”
“Maybe.”
I wasn’t hanging up until I got a commitment from him to go to our next meeting, but when he finally gave it, I let him go. My friend was struggling, and there wasn’t much more I could do for him. These were issues, challenges he and Rob had to work through or tap out.
Gilly’s head peeked in the doorway. “Daddy?”
“Come on in, Gilly.”
He padded over and climbed onto my lap. “Is he going to talk to Rob?”
“I think so, but maybe you could talk to Rob again too. Maybe ask him about nursing.”
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
I nodded and kissed the top of his head. “They’ll work it out.”
“I hope so. But that’s not a problem for us, right?” He leaned back and looked up at me.
“No. No problem here. You’re everything I ever wished for and more.”
“Good. Then let’s go to bed, I’m tired.”
