“Not a good influence, I am guessing?” Juliana asked, teasingly.
“Cassian will certainly think so. He would lock us both somewhere if he discovered the tarts.” She looked very pleased by the prospect. “And the garden excursions. And, I imagine, most of what we have discussed this week.”
“He tried to prevent me from entering this tower,” Juliana pointed out, settling into the armchair by the hearth. “And here I am. He will simply have to reconcile himself to the fact that two stubborn women living under the same roof are not a force he can contain,” she said, grinning. Her sister-in-law had a trusted maid who kept the space clean and met her needs.
It was enough for Marta, but Juliana could not imagine living this way.
“If he finds out I have been visiting,” Juliana continued, more quietly, “I hope he will understand that you needed a friend, and not another person standing at the foot of these stairs worrying about you.” She traced the edge of Marta’s sketchbook with one finger. “He loves you very much. But love is not always the samething as knowing what someone needs.”
Marta’s eyes widened with glee. “You make me feel like a secret worth sharing, Juliana.”
“You are not a secret,” Juliana reminded her sister-in-law. “He is the one trying to keep you from everyone else.”
“He sees himself as my failure,” she said.
“A failure? That is not—”
“I know it is not true, but it is what he believes.” She looked out the window for a moment at the gray sky and the bare branches of the oaks beyond. “He has always believed that if he had only been more attentive, more present, or had come home from the war sooner, things would have been different. He was not here, and things happened that he could not prevent. He has been punishing himself for it ever since.” She turned back to Juliana. “Does he still struggle with his leg in the cold mornings?”
“He does,” Juliana said. “Though he would rather lose the other one than admit it.”
“You know, he would do anything for the ones he loves. He was all too willing to die for his country, injuring his leg as a soldier. But I wonder if that was merely an escape,” Marta mused.
“I… Is that why he went to war?”
Marta nodded slowly. “I think he went to war because he needed somewhere to put all that energy. All that fury. I used to think it was courage, and perhaps it was, but I think it was also a need to do something enormous enough to feel like it was worth something.” She picked up her pencil again, turning it between her fingers. “He loves with his whole self. It is rather frightening to be on the receiving end of it.”
Juliana said nothing, because she was thinking rather hard about something she was not yet ready to say aloud.
“He did say that he did not want what happened to you to happen to me,” she muttered.
Marta looked at her with furrowed brows, looking thoroughly confused. Then, she chuckled nervously.
“Do not worry. He did not lock me here in the tower. It was my choice,” she said firmly, not looking Juliana in the eye. “My brother finds villains in every corner, though, and he welcomed this choice. Somewhat.”
“I believe you,” she said after a moment. “But I wonder whether it might also be time for a slightly different choice.” She leaned forward. “I am not asking you to rejoin society, or attend a ball, or do anything of that nature. But you have come as far as the gardens this week, and it has done you good. I can see it. You look… I hope you will forgive me for saying so, considerably more alive than you were seven days ago.”
Juliana realized she was getting excited about the prospect and looked at Marta with hope. They sat in silence for some time, with only the fire crackling in the background.
“I had forgotten what cold air smelled like,” she said quietly.
“Then come further,” Juliana said. “Only a little. Only when you are ready. We can arrange for the servants to be elsewhere. You could come downstairs, just for an evening.”
When Marta remained silent, Juliana could not help but urge the other young woman, “Think of it as an adventure. If you do not like it, then you can always return to the safety of the tower.”
“But I… I am not sure this is a good idea, Juliana,” Cassian’s younger sister protested.
Marta looked at the open door, the one that led to the spiral staircase down. Her eyes looked not just terrified, but also haunted. Juliana could tell she did not just want solitude; sheneededit. There was a clear urge to retreat in those eyes, like a bird that had learned to shun the open skies.
“Come, Marta. Imagine the look on Cassian’s face when he returns and finds out about all the progress you have made.”
“I believe he will be furious,” Marta said breathlessly.
“Well, that is not much of a change. He is always furious,” Juliana replied, surprised when a chuckle escaped her. “But what is the worst he can do? On the other hand, the best thing that can happen is that we gain another person at the dinner table. He will see you as a sister again, and not a secret.”
Marta exhaled sharply, her fingers reaching for Juliana’s hands. “All right, then. However, do not blame me if I become a pillar of salt as soon as I cross the threshold down there. It has been so long, Juliana.”
Juliana could only laugh, pulling her sister-in-law into a tight embrace.
