I stare at the wall of the nursery that she's been working on for baby Firi. Today she painted it a pale shade of blue. Last week she opted for green. "I talked to Nicholas last night. He's been through a lot in his life. I've been thinking about forgiveness ever since."
"You forgave him weeks ago, Soph." She moves the covered can of paint with the toe of her shoe. "You've been scared. That's different than not forgiving."
She's right. I did forgive him even if I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. I know that he spat those words out because he was angry. It doesn't excuse the fact that he chose to do it though. "What if I try again with him and he blames me for something else that goes wrong?"
"You'll tell him to shut the hell up and think about what he's saying." She manages a half-grin. "Before that happens, you'll talk to him about how he made you feel when he accused you ofstealing his manuscript. If he listens and understands, you two have a shot. If he just wants to push it under the rug and forget it ever happened, you need to think twice about getting involved with him again."
Her words are my truth. I've been thinking the same thing since I talked to him at the bar. "I'm meeting him for a drink on Monday night."
She rubs her growing belly through the pink sweatshirt she's wearing. "You haven't been the same since you two broke up."
"I'm the same," I argue.
"You're not," she insists with a push of her hair behind her shoulders. "You felt safe with him and he stole that away from you."
I don't respond. I can't. She's right.
"I know it's hard for you to trust men." She edges around the subject with skill and compassion. "You let your guard down with him. Then he went and fucked that all up."
I smile. "He fucked it up royally."
"Who knew that an award-winning author could be such a dunce?"
"Tell me I'm not an idiot for even considering taking him back." I sigh.
She rests both hands on my shoulders. "If you care about him and you believe that he's genuinely sorry for what happened, I think you're safe to follow your heart."
"How did you get to be so smart?"
"I'm not smart." She laughs it off. "I know that relationships aren't cut and dry. We all make mistakes. Nicholas did. You will too. How you handle those mistakes is what defines who you are as a couple and as individuals."
"Smart." I tip my chin up. "I still say you're smart."
"I must be. I finally chose the perfect color of paint for my little boy's nursery."
"White or red tonight, Sophia?"Shirley holds a bottle of wine in each hand.
"Red tonight." I smile at her. She gave me a hug when I walked into Bartlett's. Nicholas was already waiting for me at the same table we shared last week.
She fills the empty glass in front of me half full. "I'd tell you to sample it, but I don't run that kind of joint. You drink what I serve and I charge a fair price."
"Deal." I give her a wink. "Nicholas is paying though."
"In that case, I should have cracked open the good stuff."
Nicholas laughs. "We'll save that for another night."
"Suit yourself, Nicky." She turns back to me. "Can I get you something to eat? I make a mean ham sandwich."
I glance around the almost empty bar. "I didn't realize you served food here."
"I don't, but I keep a loaf of bread, a package of ham and a jar of the best mustard in the state in the fridge in the back."
"It sounds delicious," I say genuinely. "I ate at home though so I'll take a rain check."
"Deal." She looks down at the tumbler in front of Nicholas. "Can I get you a refill?"
"Not right now." He tosses her a look. "We're going to talk for a bit."
