There’s already a security detail on her. One of the men is sitting in a car across the street from our building.
He’ll follow her to work tomorrow and when his partner takes over mid-day, he’ll follow her home.
They have strict orders to stay back far enough that she doesn’t notice them, but close enough that they can protect her if need be.
It’s not enough for me. I want to shadow her forever, but my presence puts her in jeopardy.
“Do you like my dress?” Matilda spins in a circle and the skirt of her short black dress picks up, revealing a pair of red lace panties.
My favorite.
“It’s beautiful.” I exhale harshly. “We need to talk.”
Her smile brightens as if it’s a good thing.
“Let’s sit down.” She gestures toward the sofa.
I’ve kissed her there. I’ve made love to her there. I wish to fuck I would have met her anywhere but in this apartment.
This is where I fell in love with her.
I settle in next to her, leaving enough space between us that I won’t be tempted to take her in my arms and never let her go.
“Are we going to talk about our feelings?” she asks in a voice that’s barely more than a whisper. “If we are, can I go first?”
Christ, please. Please, don’t let her say she loves me.
I can’t hear those words. They will haunt me forever. They will slowly kill me.
I swallow and take a ragged breath. I promised myself I’d never lie to her. I vowed that I would always be honest with her, but tonight I have to break that to protect her.
“I’m moving out,” I say it quickly to get the words out.
Her gaze drops to my mouth as her bottom lip trembles. “What did you say?”
I fist my hand on my knee. “I need to move out, Matilda. I think it’s for the best.”
“The best?” she repeats back slowly. “What does that mean?”
She can’t absorb what I’m saying. I’ve seen it over and over again in my work. People unwilling to accept what they’re hearing because they are clinging to what they want to believe is true.
In those cases, it’s the loss of a loved one that their heart can’t grasp. For Matilda, it’s the death of our love.
Tears well in the corners of her eyes. “What are you saying, Sebastian?”
I scrub my hand over my face to hold back my emotions. “This has to end.”
“This?” She spits the word out. “Us?”
I hang my head as I nod. “Yes.”
“I thought…” She stumbles as she gets to her feet.
I’m up too, grabbing for her out of instinct, but she swats my hands away. Her breathing is labored and uneven. “I thought this was different. I thought you felt what I felt.”
I did. I do. I love you, Matilda. I fucking love you.
She stands in place, her hands shaking as she clasps them together in front of her. “I thought I was different.”
