Hope sparked inside my heart. A week without him was exactly what we all needed.
“A patrol?” Mother asked.
“Yes,” Thayden replied. “Prince Maelor wants a full report on the eastern routes. There’s been some unrest; he’s tightening oversight. I’ll leave some men here to make sure everything is okay, but I’ll be back on the eve of the night before we depart for the capitol, so we can travel together for the wedding.”
We’d have seven full days without him. The break was much needed, but the thought of the wedding drawing closer gave me palpitations.
I had fond memories of visiting the capital with my family when I was a child. It was a shame my wedding would never be one of them.
“It will be a joyous event.” Mother raised her mug and smiled fondly at both of us.
“I agree.” Thayden glanced at me. “I just wish I weren’t working so hard in the run-up to the wedding. But duty calls.”
Grandmother looked Thayden over with warm pride. “You’re always so diligent.” She inclined her head. “The kingdom is fortunate to have you on the King’s Guard.”
Thayden accepted the praise with practiced ease. “I appreciate that.” Then his mouth curved. “But I won’t always be this busy. I plan to slow down once Elariya and I start a family. I want to be around more for our children.”
My stomach turned, a rolling sickness that crept up my throat and made the room tilt.
Children.
The word echoed in my head, wrong in a way I couldn’t name. I pressed my fingers to the edge of the table, willing myself to stay still.
Mother noticed straightaway.
“Elariya?” she asked gently. “Are you all right, love? You look a little pale.”
All eyes turned to me.
“I’m fine,” I said automatically. Then the lie curdled on my tongue and the room suddenly felt too warm and suffocating. “I… think I just need some air. My head hurts.”
Thayden’s gaze sharpened.
“If you don’t mind,” I added, because I didn’t know how to stop performing. “I think I should go outside for a little while then head to bed.”
“Of course,” Mother said, already shifting in her chair. “Would you like me to sit with you for a while?”
“No.” I forced a small smile. “I’m just going to the garden. I’ll be fine.”
I pushed my chair back carefully and stood.
“Give us a shout if you need anything.”
I nodded and turned away, keeping my steps measured as I crossed the hall.
I kept my head high and my steps steady until I reached the doorway. Only then did I allow myself to breathe.
I rushed through the kitchen and headed outside into the crisp spring air. The chill from the approaching night was sharp enough to cut through the heaviness pressing in on my chest.
Gods be good. What in the hells was I going to do?
Whatever Thayden imagined for our future, my body had already rejected it.
Marriage and children.
I didn’t want any of that with him.
I barely made it to the rose hedge before the back door opened.
