Space.
And that’s what’s killing me. The silence. The absence of him. It’s been a week of nothing, and it feels worse than being left at the altar. Because this time, I’m the one who left. I’m the one who hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. Someone good and kind and patient. Someone who has been showing up for me every single day since the moment he found out I was pregnant. Someone I’m in love with.
Mom is quiet for a long moment, just watching me. Then she asks, “Do you love him?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I stare down at my coffee. My hands are shaking slightly, and I press them flat against the table to steady them. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Yes. I think I’ve loved him for a while now. And that’s what scares me the most.”
“So you left him instead.”
“I didn’t leave him. We’ll still co-parent. We just won’t…we’re not doing the relationship thing.”
“You’re already doing the relationship thing, Natalie. You’ve been doing it for months. You just won’t call it that.”
I don’t have an answer for that.
Mom leans forward, her elbows on the table. “Can I tell you something?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No,” she replies, but she’s smiling slightly. “What Darren did to you was terrible. The hurt and humiliation you felt were very real. I watched you go through that, and it broke my heart.”
“Mom—”
“But you survived it. More than survived—you thrived.You found your own place, built a career, sold your show. You never let that pain stop you from going after what you wanted.” She pauses. “So why are you letting it stop you now?”
“Because this is different.”
“How?”
“Because I have a baby to think about. It’s not just me anymore. If I let myself love Jake and it doesn’t work out, it affects her too.”
Mom sits back in her chair, considering. “Having a baby is the biggest risk you’ll ever take. There are no guarantees. You could do everything right and still face challenges you never imagined. But you didn’t let that stop you from wanting her, did you?”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it? You’re about to love someone more than you’ve ever loved anyone in your life. This baby is going to have the power to hurt you in ways Darren never could. And you’re choosing it anyway.”
I open my mouth to argue, but nothing comes out.
“Life doesn’t come with guarantees. You could go to the store to buy ingredients for a cake and get home and realize all the eggs are bad. You could get in your car to drive somewhere important and get a flat tire on the way. Bad things can happen at any time. But you don’t let those thoughts stop you from grocery shopping or driving, do you?”
“Maybe.” I say. And she gives me the look all moms have perfected when they think their child is being ridiculous. I try to explain. “But love?—”
“Love is the same. Yes, it might not work out. Yes, you might get hurt. But refusing to try because you’re afraid?That’s just another kind of pain. A slower, quieter kind. The kind that eats away at you until you wake up one day and realize you built a whole life around fear.”
I feel tears burning behind my eyes. “What if I’m not brave enough?”
“You’re brave enough to have a baby by yourself. You’re brave enough to build a career in one of the hardest industries in the world. You’re brave enough to face down a writers’ room full of strangers and prove you belong there.” Mom reaches across the table and takes my hand. “You’re brave enough for this too. You’re just choosing not to be.”
“I don’t know how to do it differently.”
“Yes, you do. You just have to decide that the possibility of happiness is worth the risk of pain.”
We sit in silence for a moment. The baby kicks hard, and I press my hand to my belly.
