I don’t tell Blair that my dad blamed her for my lack of focus, that he claimed she was distracting me and would ruin everything I had worked so hard for.
“Then you went to prom with Justin, but by then, I knew I’d fucked up by not being honest with you. I knew you hated me by then.”
“Wyatt, I’ve had a crush on you since I was sixteen years old, the first time I saw you at the golf course.”
I flinch at her declaration and shake my head. “What? You are the one who pushed me to go out with Holly.”
“I know. I was a total coward. But in my defense, you also looked at her like you were undressing her with your eyes.”
The car is quiet while I try to make sense of this confession. She rests her head against the seat as she watches me, but I can tell there’s more she wants to say. Her hand runs back and forth along the chain around her neck. It’s something she’s always done before she speaks up.
“Truth?” she says, holding on to that chain but still faces me.
“Always the truth,” I tell her as I reach for her hand in her lap. She’s invoking the phrase equivalent of the pinky swear. We would say this to each other in high school when we wanted total honesty, no judgement. When she intertwines her fingers with mine, I feel a level of comfort I haven’t experienced since I was last with her.
“I know we were young, but you were my entire world. I was so invested in being part of your orbit, but I would get crushed by the smallest hints of rejection, so I didn’t risk telling you how I felt.”
“What rejection?” I ask.
“If I asked if you wanted to come over and you said you had to work, I immediately felt devastated and assumed it was because I wasn’t enough for you. I know it sounds ridiculous now. The thought of sharing my feelings with you was terrifying.I couldn’t risk the idea of not having you in my life, so I wouldn’t do anything to disrupt our friendship.”
“But you are the one who kissed me.” I look at her, still shocked by her confession.
“I know. When you broke up with Holly, it felt like a do-over. We were spending even more time together, confiding in each other, getting closer. I don’t know where the confidence came from. It was a total fluke.”
She bites her lip, nervously waiting for me to respond. I want to savor this moment. It feels like she could forgive me. Like she wants to forgive me.
I park in front of her house, and before she reaches for the door, I try to keep us in the moment for a little longer.
“Truth?” I ask her.
“Always the truth.”
“I’ve had a crush on you since the moment I met you. Being around you was so easy and fun. I knew the first time we kissed that I had messed up. That I had wasted all that time with Holly when I should have been dating you.”
I reach for her other hand and lace my fingers through hers. Hope rises in my chest.
For a moment, we are back in those feelings. She’s gazing at me like she’s remembering everything that happened that spring.
I lean in slowly so I don’t scare her away and barely brush my lips on hers. “I’m going to kiss you now, ok?”
She tilts her head in a slight nod, and I press my lips against hers before she can change her mind. I’ve been waiting to taste her since the minute I saw her in Sophia’s trailer.
She brings her hand up to my cheek, and I take that as permission to gently slide my tongue across the seam of her lips. I slip into her mouth and swirl my tongue with hers. She greets me with the same energy, but it instantly turns more eager.
I bring both my hands to her jaw and slide them into her hair, and when a slight moan escapes from her mouth, I’m instantly hard.
We move in closer, trying to connect our bodies the best we can in the front seat of this car. I want to pull her over to straddle my lap, but I don’t want to spook her, and I don’t want this kiss to end yet.
She breaks the kiss for a moment to whisper my name and then pulls my lips back to hers with force, pushing her tongue into mine like she’s desperate.
I am so desperate.
Desperate to touch her, taste her, feel inside of her.
I move my right hand down her neck and to her collarbone, and the touch breaks the trance we are in.
Blair pulls back, her eyes wide like she’s surprised, but she doesn’t panic. She takes her hand from mine and rests her first and second fingers on her lips, like she is cherishing the touch of my lips on hers and committing it to memory.
