My shoulders slumped, and I dropped my head to my chest. I backed up, lowering myself to the top porch step and drawing my legs to my chest so I could rest my chin on my knees.
He stopped pacing and stood at the bottom of the steps, spreading his legs and crossing his arms. His cheeks were flushed, the tension easy to see in the little lines around his eyes.
“You’ve never been casual for me either, Summer. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you had the power to destroy me. But you’re insane if you think I can just erase her. My grief isn’t some fucking character flaw.”
“Of course not. And I’m not trying to replace her. There’s room for both of us if you’d let go of the guilt and let me in. I’m right here!” I said, throwing my hands into the air.
He shook his head, pacing a few steps away and raking a hand through his hair. “Maybe you just don’t have the patience for a man like me.”
My chest ached as if something had splintered inside, the fight leaving as fast as it came. “If you keep holding onto a ghost, you’re going to lose the living. You’re going to lose me. So, perhaps you should just go before you break me completely.”
For a long tense moment, we stared at each other, the only sound a breeze sweeping through the trees. Then his shoulders slumped, and he bowed his head before turning sharply and walking away, not looking back.
I stayed on the porch with my arms wrapped around my legs, trying to take comfort in the moments we had shared, but it was useless, and I felt empty. Malibu whined and stood, leaning close and licking my elbow before trotting down the steps and across the yard. I watched her leave, sitting long past when the back door opened and she went inside.
Chapter 32
The bell abovethe Sweeter ThingsBakeryjingled as I walked in, shoulders hunched against the persistent drizzle that hung in the air. Scents of sweetened coffee and freshly bakedbread filled the busy space, and I breathed in, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
Mina was already waiting at a corner booth with two steaming mugs of coffee and an assortment of pastries, and a weight lifted from my shoulders just seeing her. In the short time we’d known one another, we’d gotten close, and I was so thankful for the friendship—even though she was leaving the country soon.
Her eyes scanned my face, and she sighed as I slid into the seat. “You look like hell warmed over.”
I let out a humorous laugh and pulled a donut covered with icing and sprinkles toward me, taking a bite and chewing slowly. My eyes closed as I let the sugar do its thing before wrapping my hands around the mug so the warmth could seep into my fingers, like it was my only source of comfort.
“I feel like it too.”
“I’m so sorry.” Mina pushed a croissant closer, and I smiled, grabbing several tiny creamers and adding them to my coffee. “I got so worried when you texted earlier. Why don’t you tell me what happened that got you into this state?”
This was why I was here. Why I braved the cloudy sky and chilly Monday morning rain, getting dressed in something not stained and attempting to cover the purple smudges beneath my eyes with concealer.
“Maverick and I fought Saturday. It was bad. Really bad.”
“You and Maverick?” she asked, tilting her head and resting her hands on the table. She drummed her fingers and studied me, like she was taking in my unwashed hair and chewed fingernails. “I hadn’t realized you two were an item.”
“Yeah. It was new and amazing and terrifying… until I ruined things with my inability to think before I speak.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as it seems. New relationships are always hard at the beginning. You’re constantly at war, wantingto show your true self and worried that the other person won’t accept you, flaws and all.”
“He knew my flaws, all right. Threw them back in my face and made me question so many things.”
“Well, that’s par for the course when you argue with someone. Dredging up things better left in the past or pointing out flaws so you don’t have to deal with your own guilt.” Mina shrugged her shoulders and reached across the table to break off a bite of my half-eaten donut. “I’m horrible about bringing up things best left in the past when I argue with someone. Just the other week, I was arguing with my younger brothers and reminded them that when they were toddlers, they would poop in the bathtub when our parents weren’t home and I was in charge.”
“That’s oddly specific,” I said, grinning at the mental image of a younger Mina huffing with her arms crossed.
“Yes, well, the two of them ganged up on me, and I was losing ground. Now, enough small talk. Tell me what happened so we can come up with a game plan.”
“Right. Okay. Yeah,” I said, swallowing roughly and staring into my coffee. The shame of what I said came welling up inside of me, ready to spill out into the universe. If Mina was going to judge me, it was no less than what I deserved.
“I called him a coward, and he threw his deceased wife in my face.”
“Ouch. That’s brutal.” Mina’s brow furrowed, and she shook her head. Her straight black hair swished around her face, and she tucked it back behind her ears before motioning for me to continue.
“It was ugly,” I whispered, too ashamed to meet her eyes. “I said he was using her memory as an excuse not to take a chance with me, and that I wouldn’t spend my life trying to measure up to her.” My voice cracked, and I wiped a tear from my cheek.“And then he left. Stomped away as I sat on the back porch steps, barely holding myself together.”
Mina reached across the table and squeezed my hand, grounding me. “What prompted the fight?”
“Nothing. Everything. I was already on edge from Dad inserting himself into things he shouldn’t, then Maverick all but accused me of leaving the country without telling him based on all those brochures left at the house.” My voice was flat, and my fingers trembled as I took another sip of coffee, barely registering anything that was happening around us. “I know I overreacted, but we had such an amazing night, and I thought we’d decided to give us a chance.
