“You know, I already put up with Mom constantly reminding me how meaningless my life is without a partner. The last thing I need is for you to pile on the guilt, too. I can do that myself.”
The bartender handed me the cold bottle, and I raised it to my lips, relishing in the cool sensation that traveled from my throat to my stomach. It did little to quench the gurgling unease of whatever Magnum was trying to say, but it was a start.
“Capable of making yourself feel guilty? That’s the understatement of the century. Do I need to remind you of my infinite words of wisdom?” he asked.
“The issue with surviving is that you end up with the ghost of who you left behind on your shoulder.” I spoke the words without emotion, having heard them enough through the years.I might as well get them tattooed on my forearm at this point. But it wasn’t guilt that kept me from letting anyone in. No, it was something far more pathetic.
Love.
I’d loved Autumn enough to go against my better judgement and get married. Loved her enough to agree to a honeymoon in another country when my dad’s body was barely in the ground. If I’d only stuck to my gut instinct and not given intolove,she’d still be here.
“Okay. Look,” Magnum said, paying for our drinks and then taking a sip of his Jack and Coke. He leaned against the edge of the bar, facing the large, hazy room.
To the left was a fairly big stage with several microphones, amps, and a video screen to display the lyrics. Right now, some guy was doing a decent impression of Freddy Mercury—complete with tight pants and a white shirt.
I rolled my eyes, turning away from the stage and allowing myself to glance around the space. Servers were weaving between tables, fetching drinks, while that black three-ring binder lay open between Addison and Emma. They were pointing and giggling while flipping the pages. At least Summer wasn’t taking part in another karaoke song, not that I was paying attention.
“I’m not trying to talk you into anything or harp about your life. You do you, brother.” Magnum shrugged and smiled as Brooke blew him a kiss from the end of the girls’ table. “I just want to point out that this is the first time in what, a decade, that you’ve looked twice at another woman. So, something must have happened, right?”
Yeah, something happened. I opened my fucking mouth.
I sighed, resigned to listen to what he had to say to make himself feel better. He was too much like Mom, meddling in shit he had no business worrying about.
“Just because we’ve crossed paths doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to slap a ring on her finger and give up my well-earned solitude.”
“Welp, that further proves my point,” he said, holding his drink up and waiting for me to tap my bottle to his glass. “I never said Summer’s name, and yet, you knew exactly who I was talking about.”
Fuck.He was right.
My thoughts had automatically strayed to Summer. And it wasn’t even close to the first time. Working at the office, I’d wonder if her pathetic ex was giving her a hard time. Walking Malibu, I’d drift to how she looked in the shower—those slippery curves begging me to dig my fingertips into her thighs to see what sweet noises I could draw from her body. Then I’d remember how she felt pressed against me, those little whimpers she made, and my dick would get hard.
While playing poker with the guys, or sussing out a new stream to fish in, I soon realized that nothing seemed to relax me like it used to. Not when I’d spend my time wondering if she liked the quiet as much as I did.
Would she enjoy long walks in the woods surrounding my house while Malibu stopped to sniff every tree? Would she enjoy sitting outside, wrapped in a robe to stave off the fall morning chill, as she enjoyed her first cup of coffee? Perhaps on my lap, sipping on the same mug, both warm underneath a blanket?
Fuck.
“It’s nothing to be disgusted about, but your face says otherwise.”
My eyes snapped to Magnum’s, and I tugged on the collar of my shirt, wondering how, exactly, my face could convey the precise emotion coursing through my veins.
It wasn’t disgust; it was knowing she could inevitably ruin me, and that I was powerless to stop it.
My life had become millions of moments that meant absolutely nothing. Then one day, a single moment came along to define every second afterward.
I’d already experienced that moment, dammit!
When my car skidded on black ice and crashed, stealing Autumn’s life, everything changed.
This— These— My— fucking feelings for Summer meantnothing!It was nothing more than a passing fancy from going too long without getting my dick wet.Yes.That rational explanation encompassed every wayward thought I’d had since seeing her.
“Hello, boys. Enjoying yourselves?” Brooke asked, pushing herself between Magnum and me before stretching onto her tiptoes and kissing her husband full on the lips.
I shook my head, determined to banish the unwelcome thoughts I’d been working through, but a throaty laugh echoed from their other side. I leaned forward to peer around them, finding Summer staring at me. Her eyes were bright, and several tendrils of hair had escaped whatever updo she’d started the evening with.
In a move I found sexier that I’d ever admit out loud, she rolled her eyes, letting them dart between me and the happily married couple. “Get a room, you two. Some of us aren’t taken and prefer not to watch such hedonistic displays.”
“Hey, Summer. I’m sure my older brother would take you anywhere you wanted.”
