I threw my leg over the chair so I was facing her and finished my beer, putting the empty bottle on the table, but she still had that far-away expression on her face.
How had I never heard this story before? He fell off Loony’s roof?
“It was so stupid, Marcus,” she said, wiping underneath her eyes. “He fell off the ladder, broke his leg in two places, and accidentally discharged his gun.”
“What?” was all I croaked out as I watched Mom relive the accident.
“He was on desk duty for I don’t remember how long, and there was an incident report for the gun firing, even though the bullet only hit a damn tree.”
Mom stood up and paced the length of the freshly stained deck, picking up her beer and finishing the bottle. My mind was muddled from hearing her story, and something was pushing through the exhaustion.
Her calm demeanor was gone, replaced with a woman unsure and anxious. No wonder she hated every moment of Dad being a cop.
“Marcus, listen to me. I’ve kicked your asses when you’ve it needed and made my opinion known, but I’ve always respected your decisions, even when I disagreed. That said, you need to understand something.”
She walked up to me with glassy eyes and clasped my hands in hers, looking up with a silent promise that her next words were not meant to hurt. They were meant to heal.
“Your father had been on active duty for five-fucking-minutes, and he fell off a ladder, broke his leg in two places, and accidentally discharged his weapon. I was pregnant and scared. I worried every day after that. I worried something ridiculous and stupid would happen. My mind came up with all these whack-a-doddle scenarios. I guess I didn’t hide it as well as I thought I did.”
She shrugged and let go of my hands, walking back to the sliding glass door. She opened it to pick Phoebe up, taking her back to the Adirondack chair and sitting down.
My choice to stay single was based on a stupid-ass accident Dad had five minutes into his first shift?
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“Mom—” I started, rubbing my palms into my eyes until brightly colored spots danced in my vision. I spread my legs wide and put my head between my legs, threading my hands behind my neck and waiting for my vision to clear.
“No. Listen. I didn’t come here to change your mind about being with Jenna, and I have no clue if what you have is even something you want to pursue. Hell, maybe you ran away screaming because she’s into some weird kink that freaks you out. I don’t know.”
“Mom,” I hissed, sitting up and digging my palms in harder, so the spots turned into zig-zagging lines. I couldn’t think about what-ifs and maybes. I’d go crazier than I already was.
We were over.
Finished.
Done.
“I’m serious. You cannot base your chance at love, at happiness, at maybe a family, and a future with someone on my anxiety born from an accident thirty-five years ago. You just can’t.”
I blinked rapidly, focusing on a tree in the backyard until the spots disappeared and the leaves faded into view. The midmorning light shone through the trees, throwing the yard into hazy greens and reflecting off of the unfinished project I’d started last week on a whim. I stared at the large panels of glass propped against the porch, watching a lone drop of dew sliding down to the grass.
Mom had laid back on the chair with Phoebe on her lap, staring out into the backyard, letting me process whatever the fuck my brain was trying to sort out.
“How did you find out?” I said, finally stringing together a coherent sentence.
“Maverick stopped by last week and told me. The boys took Phoebe to her appointment because my book club ran long. He wanted to come out here himself and talk some sense into you, but this felt like something I needed to do.”
She paused for a minute and looked at me, but my mind was still reeling.
How was this not a hilarious story heard around the office? Or something shared when he died?
“She’s not moving to Wilmington. You know that, right?”
“What? No? Yes? What?” I said, tearing my eyes away from the glass panels and metal skeleton to look at Mom.
“She’s staying here. You should drive over and see what she’s doing. It’s pretty amazing.”
“That’s not a good idea, Mom.”
