‘Witches’ will not face charges
By Helen Hickok
Starstaff reporter
The tens of thousands of women who cast spells on the National Mall last month will not be prosecuted for illegal magic use, the Abbott administration announced yesterday.
But officials would not say whether they will extend to witches the opportunities that, for decades, wizards alone have enjoyed.
March 20, 2022
Draden gets life in prison
By Helen Hickok
Starstaff reporter
Disgraced former vice president James Draden avoided the death penalty yesterday for his role in the scheme to kill President Abbott, other world leaders and untold numbers of Americans in Detroit.
March 29, 2022
‘Typic rights’ clears hurdle
By Helen Hickok
Starstaff reporter
Maryland, where the typic-rights movement began, yesterday became the final state needed to approve a constitutional convention to axe the requirement that candidates for national office must be wizards.
The dramatic late-night vote in the Senate turned on a single man: Sen. Mitchell Gray (R-Ellicott Mills), a driving force behind last year’s original measure but not among the sponsors this session. Supporters feared he would abstain. Instead, he voted in favor.
“This is an historic moment,” said Rosemarie Dane, president of the Women’s League for the Prohibition of Magic.
November 2, 2023
Women eligible for magic training
By Helen Hickok
Starstaff reporter
Under intense pressure from the National Organization for Witches, President Abbott announced yesterday that women will be permitted an education in the magical arts — but only to become omnimancers.
“Many small towns will benefit from the services ladies can be trained to provide, with proper oversight from fully qualified wizards, of course,” Abbott said.
Joan Hamilton, president of NOW, said the 1-million-member group “won’t stop fighting until witches are treated as wizards’ equals — which we are.”
July 1, 2024
The Dish by Ken Hamm
YES, PROFESSOR: The Omnimancing Academy for Ladies, due to open in two months, has had all sorts of trouble recruiting wizard teachers. Now it’s announcing a startling appointment: Frederick Knight, formerly Draden, son of the jailbird former VP.
Knight, who took his mother’s maiden name (we broke that news first, as you’ll recall), spent the last two years as a virtual recluse. If he ventured out in public beyond giving testimony against dear Dad, we can’t find evidence of it. This is the same fellow who, not that long before, spent every night out on the town.
The first crop of lady omnimancers-in-training should have a memorable year …
May 20, 2028
