There’s only one way I know how to get close enough.
She lets out a sigh when I kiss her again, and I clutch her waist to remind myself she’s really here. In my arms. Naked, for me.
The next time I kiss her, her eyes flutter open. Her voice is heavy with sleep when she murmurs my name, and it does something to my chest, tightening and pulling. I hate the feeling and live for it in the same breath.
I dip my tongue into her mouth. She moans, kissing me back.
The same moment her fingers find my hair, I’m flipping her onto her back and hovering over her. My tongue travels from her mouth to her jaw to her neck. Her body quivers under me, and she rubs against my leg with no clue what those reactions do to me.Jesus. A shaky breath pushes past my lips. I’m tempted to crawl downward and see what she tastes like in the middle of the night, but that plan bursts to flames the second I roll against her wet warmth. A soft sound leaves her lips, her nails pressing into my shoulders, and, yeah, there’s not a goddamn chance I’m waiting.
I reach over the bed, scanning the floor until I find what I’m looking for. My fingers tremble as I roll the condom on, and I could almost laugh if I wasn’t actually grateful to Conway in this moment.
I still can’t believe she’s giving herself to me.Me, of all people. I was so damn sure she’d see the ugliest parts of me and run as far away as she could.
Instead, she stayed. More than that, she fucking held me closer and kissed me.
As I slowly push myself inside her, her body arching in response, I know that whatever this thing is between us, I’m all in. I couldn’t go anywhere if I tried. But I also know this is all I can offer—fucking instead of making love—and I’m not sure how long it’ll be enough for her. That thought’s like an anchor plummeting through my rib cage, and I almost wince.
Leaning down, I part her lips and take her tongue with mine in rough, desperate strokes. She gives as good as she gets, just like I knew she would.
When she’s full to the hilt and breathing hard, I break the kiss to look down at the way she’s spread-eagle, impaled on my dick. My heart rate picks up; loud thrums stir in my ears. Everything else in the world fades to white noise. Shit. I’m so hard-up for this girl it’s blinding. Black dots cloud my vision as blood pumps through my veins. I pull out, slamming back in like my life depends on it, and right now, I think it might.
All I want is to stay inside her—breathing her, tasting her, holding onto her. Onto the solid proof that she’s really here. That she’s mine. And, at least for now, she’s the one person in my life who’s not going anywhere.
When she slips her hand into my hair, wrapping her legs around me, I drop my forehead against hers. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pound into her, bringing us as close together as I physically can.
In the back of my mind, I feel it. Obsession, drowning me like black oil. But I don’t understand. Why the hell does it feel so different this time? It’s heavier, louder. Fucking scarier. I don’t know what the feeling is or how it makes me feel sick and whole at the same time. There’s a rocking ship in the pit of my stomach, and Blue’s got the wheel.
Uncertainty flares inside me, swelling like a balloon until I can’t fucking breathe. With a growl, I clasp Blue’s hands in one of mine, pin her arms above her head, and flip her onto her stomach. A tangle of blonde hair and rumpled bed sheets, she could be anyone. Any girl from my past. She gasps, moans; my cock twitches inside her. But then she looks over her shoulder, eyes connecting with mine.
My breathing slows, pulse thumping.
Blue.
Bold, sweet, addicting Blue.
Mine.
The uncertainty simmers, transforming into something steady, solid. I swallow, staring down at her. My gaze travels from her vibrant green eyes to the soft curve of her pink lips. Slowly, gently, I roll her onto her back again. Her chest rises and falls, heady focus on me.
And I kiss her.
For the first time, the black oil is binding me to a person, not just an act. And I don’t know what the hell to do about it except hold her tight, just like this.
It’s the only way to keep her here. To take what I can before she leaves me too. And it might just be the only way to keep me from drowning.
Blue
After collecting my books off the desk and grabbing my backpack, I follow the hordes of students out of biology. Mentally, though, I’m blissfully elsewhere. My skin flushes for the hundredth time this week as thoughts of Joshua take over.
It’s Wednesday, just over two weeks since we first slept together. He came back to me the next night, and the next, and each night after. Every day between classes, he catches my waist in his arms and my lips between his teeth—always hungry, always tender. It doesn’t matter how many people are watching or the way they stare. Somehow, he makes me feel as though all he thinks about, all he sees, is me.
Reaching up, I trace my thumb over my bottom lip, where a warm pulse throbs from the last kiss.
Maybe I think about him too much too. I don’t know. I don’t have anything to compare it to. When I’m at school, I’m with Joshua. When I’m home, I’m with Joshua. Dinners are an exception, spent with my dad, Rebecca, and Kimmie, but even then, I’m quick to clear the table and race upstairs to find Joshua waiting for me. Sometimes, I feel a little guilty, especially when I sense my dad and Rebecca’s attention following my back as I leave the table. I came here to spend time with my dad. With all of them.
But I didn’t know it’d be like this—a rush of unwanted emotions always hitting me at the most unexpected times—and Joshua, he makes things easier. He’s my stability in the turbulence.
Chatter and laughter ring through the halls, giving me the end of day buzz I love as everyone gets ready to break free. I smile when I reach my locker, and I wonder how long it will take him to get to me this time.
