I’m already in over my head with Blue, and I know from past experience sex brings out the darkest parts of me. Parts she’s only scratched the surface of. Blue knows all about acting on impulses; going with your gut. It’s what she lives for. But my instincts aren’t like hers.
You’ll always be just like me.
They’re driven by greed, lust, obsession—all the parts of me I fucking hate yet know are just one wrong thought or move away.
Sex with someone I actually care about? With Blue? I can’t pretend to know what that’d be like, but one thing I’m certain of is it wouldn’t just be myself I’d be fucking with, but her too.
Even knowing what I do, I’m split in two messy halves—one side of me praying to God she’ll take her words back, while the other hopes like hell she won’t. Unfortunately, the first half doesn’t stand a chance against the latter.
Finally, Blue swallows, her cheeks reddening. “I want you to spend the night with me.” Her breaths quicken as she takes in my expression, which must be scary as shit because that’s about how I feel. “I haven’t forgotten what you told me before, about your past. And I’ll drop it if you want me to. But ...” She threads her fingers through mine and lifts my palm to her chest, where her heart races almost as fast as my own. “I want you, Joshua. In every way you’ll share with me.”
“Fuck,” I groan, my forehead falling against hers, and my cock straining painfully against my jeans.
Her skin is like velvet against my palm, still under her shirt. I slide my hand up her side, my thumb grazing the bottom curve of her breasts. My mind warns me to back the hell up, but the relentless, pounding need that rages inside my body and chest is taking over.
There’s no way she knows what she’s asking.
“Blue ... if you’re looking for a respectable man like you deserve, that isn’t me. You know that, right?”
She lets out a shaky breath, but I lift my head to find only certainty in her eyes. Shit, she’s so goddamn precious I’m terrified I’m going to crush her. Scare her. Lose her. My heart stops dead at that last thought.
“Please,” I beg hoarsely, one last fucking pathetic attempt at shutting this down, “don’t tell me you want me unless youreallyfucking mean it.”
She rises to her tiptoes, holding my gaze and running her hand down the side of my face. “I know who you are, Joshua Hunt. I can feel it.” When her fingers land on my neck, they tremble, the only sign of nerves I see. “And I know I want you,” she whispers.
An uneven breath pushes past my lips as the solid walls I’ve built these past couple years creak and crack, threatening to crash and burn at any second. I’m fucked no matter what because there’s no walking away from this girl. She’s burrowed her way so deep into my chest I wouldn’t be able to carve her out even if I wanted to. And right now, with her body pressed against mine, soft breath coming out quick and fingers still trembling against my neck, neither of us stand a chance.
I lean down and brush my lips against hers. A physical ache pierces through me at the effort it takes to keep my movements slow and gentle.
“Promise you’ll tell me to stop if I’m too rough,” I say shakily, already lifting her shirt higher, higher, wanting the thing off.
She starts to help me, but I snatch her wrist, stopping her.
She gasps.
“Say the words, Blue,” I warn, voice gruff, barely managing to keep my hands from finding her body again. The ugly truth is, I don’t know if her words will be enough to get me to snap out of it once I’m all in. But it’s the only out I can offer.
“Okay,” she breathes, her eyes traveling along my face. “I promise.”
Blue
Joshua’s lips are on mine before I finish the last syllable. His tongue slips inside my mouth, his fingers twisting my shirt so roughly the material digs into my skin. My heart thumps hard enough to jump from my chest.
I’ve had sex once before—though Benji insists it was twice. In the woods, with tree bark cutting into my back and enough pot in my lungs to produce distorted unicorns and rainbows above our heads.
This ... is nothing like that.
Everything about this moment feels right, organic, and hyper-sensitized on its own. Even the tingling nerves running rampant under my skin as he consumes me little by little are intense in the best ways.
I want this. I want it so badly I feel the burn down to my toes.
With our lips still locked, I wrap my fingers around his, urging him to finish pulling my shirt off the rest of the way. I don’t want any barriers between us tonight. He breaks the kiss while I lift my arms for him. A cool draft hits me when he tugs my shirt over my head, dropping it on the floor, but that’s not what draws a shiver from me.
Joshua’s hooded gaze slides down, from my neck to my collarbone, settling on my bare breasts and lighting a match to my body.
Growing up, I was led by example to trust my body. But walking nude under the moonlit sky surrounded by nothing but nature is on an entirely different plane than standing in place, half-clothed, in my bedroom, while Joshua Hunt’s ravenous eyes rake over me.
Every square inch of skin his gaze touches prickles with charged awareness. My palms are damp, and a slow tingle spreads down my spine.
