Blue scoots so she’s on the left side of the bed. She catches my gaze and nods toward the spot beside her, lifting a brow. “Lie with me?”
My lips press together, but I move forward anyway. The bed dips as I drop onto my back beside Blue, and the shift makes her lean into me. I swallow when our arms brush, the side of her hip connecting with mine, her soft hair tickling my skin. The sensation’s electric, taking me by surprise and heating up my entire damn body as my mind floods with all the things I wanna do to her. All the things Icoulddo, right here. With a single move.
I’m still as a statue, staring up at the ceiling, and I hope she can’t hear the thundering in my chest.
“Okay, Mom,” Blue says. “All good.”
“Thanks, beautiful. So, Joshu—”
“It’s Hunt, ma’am.” I’m getting used to Blue calling me Joshua, probably more than I should, but I don’t think I can stomach hearing it from anyone else. “I’ve gone by my last name since I can remember.”
And even though these days I’m repulsed by the other manHuntrepresents,Joshuais and always has been reserved for the one person who matters most to me.
“Hunt it is,” her mom says softly. “I’m Susie. Will you tell me a little bit about yourself?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I clear my throat. “There’s not much to tell. I go to school with your daughter, and I’ll be working on getting a degree after graduation.”
“And what university are you hoping to get into?”
“I’ve got my sights set on a few, depending on if my scholarship goes through. West Coast, probably.”
There’s a pause. “School’s important to you, isn’t it?”
“Very much so, ma’am. Without it, we wouldn’t have scientists, nurses, doctors ...”
Blue’s gaze burns into the side of my face. I’ve never told anyone the main reason going to college is so important to me. I’m not sure I ever will.
“You know, I used to know a boy like you.”
Blue shifts beside me. We both know her Mom’s talking about Tim.
“He was driven,” Susie continues, “focused. Practical. And I admired him for that. Can I ask you a question, Hunt?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Does it make you happy? That kind of lifestyle?”
I let out a breath. Shit. It’s always the simplest questions that are the most loaded. “Does it matter?”
The room falls quiet, and I finally turn to Blue. “How can you ask that?” she whispers, like we’re the only two people in the conversation.
My eyes slide to her lips. “Not everything’s about being happy. It’d be nice, yeah, but if that’s all anyone chased, the world would fall apart by morning.”
Blue’s lips tilt downward, making me feel like an asshole who goes around telling kids Santa isn’t real.
I’ve seen firsthand what putting your own wants ahead of everything else can do to the people around you, the damage chasing your own high can result in, and the truth is, I don’t believe it matters if I’m happy. Whatever the hell that word means anyway. If I keep at the path I’m on now, I’m going to make a difference—a real, tangible difference—in something that means everything to me, and in the end, that’s the only thing I care about.
I’m still watching Blue when Susie’s voice rings through the line again. “That’s a very honest way of looking at it.”
“Why can’t you have both?” Blue asks suddenly. “I mean, don’t they kind of go together? Happiness and purpose? I don’t think anyone can fully be happy without feeling like they’re offering something to the world. And if theyaredoing something that gives them a sense of purpose, then they’d feel happy, right?”
I rub the side of my jaw, thinking her words over. “Maybe it’s not so black-and-white. Maybe some people have too much weighing them down to ever feel the high. Or maybe sometimes you need to work your ass off to reach your purpose, and you just gotta suck it up till you get there.”
Her lips quirk. Hell, even that tiny smile sucks the breath from my lungs. “Maybe. But I believe there’s always room for a little happiness too.”
She leans closer like she’s about to tell me a secret. Her nose almost grazes my jaw. Her hips rub against my jeans. And just like that, I forget it’s not just the two of us. My fingers twitch with the urge to palm the back of her neck and push her mouth open with my tongue. Flip her onto her back and feel her tremble beneath me.
“Maybe,” she whispers, “you just need someone to remind you what it feels like.”
