I stare at him. Throat dry, knees shaky.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” His eyes dart between mine, lingering as though he’s seeing me for the first time, then his Adam’s apple moves up and down. “Jesus,” he mutters roughly, almost reluctantly, “you’re so damn beautiful.”
My grip squeezes around the bike handles, my heart skittering too fast.
“Joshua, I ...” The physical pull to go to him is so strong I sway forward, suddenly weak enough to collapse in his arms. “I ... I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks. “I can’t do this. Not yet.”
I turn my bike around before he can stop me and pedal with everything I have. But I wasn’t quick enough to miss the torment tightening his face. He’s breaking, and I’m the selfish soul with the sledgehammer. I push the pedals harder, my hair flying wildly around me, a few strands getting caught in the wetness on my cheeks.
I know staying away is what I need right now; it’s the only way I’m going to make it. I just wish I knew how to heal myself without hurting the only boy I’ll ever love.
Just two weeks later, and I can’t believe the sound of my own laugh as I hug my dad back. It’s so real, so genuine. I almost forgot what it felt like to laugh like this.
“You did it,” Dad murmurs, beaming, and I can’t help but grin. “You’ve officially survived high school.”
My fingers tighten around the diploma in my hand.I really did it.
Something bops me on the butt, and I jerk out of my dad’s grip with a squeal. “What the—?”
Kimmie smirks, holding up the culprit—her own diploma. She looks from me to Amber, who’s on my other side, and wiggles her eyebrows. “Wedid it, bitches!”
I laugh, and Amber whoops, tugging us both closer for a quick group hug. When we pull apart, a bright flash hits my eyes. Dad points at Rebecca, whose grin is the size of Texas as she snaps pics of us on her phone, her dark eyes glinting with unshed tears.
“I’m so proud of you girls.” Her hand flies to her chest. “So darn proud.”
“Mom.” Kimmie rolls her eyes, but she smiles and gives Rebecca a big hug. “I love you,” she says quietly, prompting Rebecca’s tears to finally spill.
My heart patters against my rib cage as I watch them, my breaths shortening. Pulling my gaze away, I scan the masses of people dressed in robes the same way I’ve been doing all day—searching for him. He didn’t come up to get his diploma when his name was called, but a tiny part of me is hopeful he was just late. But even as I look, I know he’s not here. I can feel it, the space dividing us like a physical barrier.
Kimmie nudges me with her elbow, snapping my attention back to the people around me. She lifts a hand to block the sun from her eyes. “He’s not here.”
I chew my lip, standing on my tiptoes and scanning the crowd again anyway.
“As in, he’s not in Texas, Blue.”
My chest tightens, and I stare at her incredulously. “What?” I know I can’t have heard that right.
She takes a breath and pulls me aside as our parents ask Amber about college. “Okay, I wasn’t going to say anything because I hoped you two were going to talk about it yourselves, but I overheard your dad telling my mom that Hunt was offered an internship in LA.”
My jaw drops, and I’m sure I’m about to have a heart attack. It’s been two and a half weeks since he tried to talk to me at school. He didn’t stop watching me during class or catching my gaze when we passed in the hall, his expression always soft, always hopeful. But that day in the parking lot was the last time he called my name. And now I can’t breathe.
“Hey. Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing,” Kimmie says. “I see the guy every day too, and I had to hear it through our parents. Hunt’s always been the private type. Seriously, he’s been living in my backyard for, what? Two years? And I didn’t even know his birthday came and went.”
His what?I look up, counting the days in my head. Oh, my god. I completely missed his birthday.
“Anyway.” Kimmie looks at her feet before meeting my gaze again. “I’m sorry, Blue. I really am.” She reaches for my hand, giving a slight squeeze, then makes her way back to the others.
I can’t move. He wouldn’t have left. What about his mom? What about Henry? Thanks to Amber, I know for a fact Joshua and Henry are back in touch and on good terms. He wouldn’t leave them. He wouldn’t leave me. Not without at least telling me first. But as our last conversation replays in my head, my heart rate spikes.
Please. I just wanna talk.
Oh, god.
There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
He tried. All those times he called my name after class or chased me down the halls. He was trying to tell me.
I reach into my back pocket, flip my phone open, and turn it on.
