Signs. They’re all I see now. Now that it’s too late.
Most of the time when someone hurts us, it has nothing to do with us.She wasn’t talking about Dad; she was talking about herself.
Always telling me to focus on the present and find the good standing in front of me. How many times did she have to repeat that same advice to herself?
Negativity multiplies like weeds. It’s important never to water it.
Everything she ever said to me sounds so different now than it did at the time.
For people like us, one tiny emotion can fill our entire soul. So, you see, we have to be cautious about the ones we choose to focus on. It’s the only way.
When crying has exhausted me to the bone, leaving my throat dry, I stare deep into the woods. I stare at nothing and everything, fading in and out of rational thoughts. With my energy drained, the bitter flame at my center withers away, and I realize I’m not angry. I’m heartbroken.
“Why?” My parched whisper carries through the trees. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
When my only answer is a quiet breeze brushing my skin, I slump against Benji.
“I’m so sorry, Blues,” he murmurs into my hair. “But you know you can’t blame yourself for this. I mean, even if she had told you, what could you have done?”
I swipe my palm across my wet cheeks, angling my head toward him. His cheeks are almost as wet as mine.
My voice breaks when I whisper, “What could I have done? I could have told her to hold on, Benji.” A sob chokes my words. “I-I could have told her to hold on.”
Hunt
Ipace through the kitchen, phone pressed to my ear.
“It’s me. Leave a message, bonus points if you make me smile.”
Dammit, Blue.
“Still nothing?” Mr. Everest asks, watching me from the table.
I shake my head.
“Okay, well ...” He rubs his eyes. “Maybe we should give it a rest. Give her some space.”
“Give it a rest?” I rub my hand down my cheek, along my jaw, over my mouth. “We don’t even know if she’s okay.”
“She’s fine, Hunt. Susie, she, uh ...” He pauses, looking down as that name fills the space. “She gave me their neighbors’ contact info for emergencies. They’re taking care of Blue.”
But is sheokay?
I comb my fingers through my hair, frustration and helplessness gnawing at me. She’s hurting, thousands of miles away, and I can’t do a goddamn thing about it. I swallow hard, a sickening feeling curling around me when reality sets in, and I think of all the pain I’ve already caused her. Truth is, even if I could see her right now, I might not be what she needs. But I could try. I would try for her. If she gave me the chance.
Turmoil flares inside me, and I jolt when Mr. Everest’s phone rings from the other room. This time, he doesn’t bother to check it. He’s been on calls almost nonstop since I got home. His eyes are swollen, his hair sticking up, and I don’t think he’s eaten all day. Rebecca went back to work hours ago, so I move toward the fridge without thinking, grabbing whatever ingredients I can find, like I used to for my mom.
“Sir. You gonna be all right?”
He leans back, pressing his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. “It’s my fault.”
My jaw clenches, but I stay quiet as I fill a pot with water then set it on the stove.
“When Susie called out of nowhere last year, I knew something wasn’t right. I heard it in her voice—the same quiet, thick tone she used to get when we were kids.”
Grabbing the cutting board, I flick my gaze across the bar. Mr. Everest’s eyes are locked on the kitchen table.
“But then she told me I had a daughter, that she wanted us to meet ... and that was it. I forgot all the important questions, like why now? Why send her to live with a guy she’s never met?” He shakes his head, a swallow moving through his throat. “Are you okay?” He rubs his face, and when his hands fall to his lap, something flashes in his eyes. “If I stopped for a second, one damn second out of my damn day, to ask about her, I could have tried getting her the professional help she needed.”
