I angle my head to look at her.
She does the same, meeting my gaze, then she scoots closer. She sits up partially, leaning over me, her dark blonde waves falling around her arms, eyes narrowed with intent. I practically feel the sudden burst of adrenaline pouring off her skin.
“Blue,” she says quietly, her voice unsteady.
Alarm zips down my spine, reminding me what I sensed earlier and making me prop myself on my elbows. “What?”
Her gaze travels over my face.
“Mom. What is it?”
After a beat, she shakes her head like she’s trying to clear it. “Are you happy here?” Her voice is smooth now, no trace of the quiver I could have sworn I heard.
I tilt my head, completely thrown off for the millionth time since she arrived. “Am I happy?”
“Yes. Are you glad you came?”
“Of course I’m glad.”
She nods, still watching me closely. “So you’d say you’re happy then?”
I chew the corner of my lip, dropping until I feel the grass against my back again. “Yeah,” I hear myself say, “I am.” As the words float on the wind, I realize how true they are.
I am happy. In fact, my heart’s the fullest it’s ever been. I just wish such a simple question wasn’t also so complicated. Before leaving home, my response to that would have always been a clean and simpleyes. Now, it’s a yes entangled in a sticky web of too many things I don’t understand.
My eyes close, and I hear Mom settle beside me again.
“I just wish it were easier, I guess,” I add, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice. “I didn’t expect it to be so complicated.”
“What?”
I lift a shoulder. “Life.”
Mom laughs, but the sound is somehow weighed down, like it was trying to get free but got ensnared in a sticky web like mine. “Yes, well, I might be partly to blame for that.”
“What do you mean?”
She lets out a sigh. “These things you’re feeling now, the ups and downs and parts that feel so ...”
“Complicated?” My new favorite word.
“Yes,” she whispers. “That. They’re natural. I’ve sheltered you, Blue. Your whole life, I’ve sheltered you so much it confined you.”
My eyes open slowly, nose wrinkling. “No, you haven’t. If anything, you’ve given me the opposite of confinement. My life has always been so free, Mom. Smooth and limitless. Honestly, I can’t believe how lucky I’ve had it.”
Her lips tilt up, but her voice is thick when she says, “I’m so proud of you, Blue.”
I turn my head so I can see her better. She’s staring at the sky as though my face is up there. She’s so beautiful. It’s the kind of beautiful that goes beyond the naked eye. That touches whoever’s near her and makes them feel beautiful too.
“Hey, Mom?” I whisper.
“Mmm?”
“Thanks for letting me come here. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, and I just ... thank you. It means everything to me.”
A long exhale pours from her mouth. “So you want to stay?”
My hands curl into the grass, and I shut my eyes. I was right when she asked me before—time didn’t do me much good at all.
