She’s shaking from head to toe when I put the vehicle into park and yank the keys from the ignition, then I pull her into my arms, cradling her.
“I ... I was going somewhere, Joshua,” she sobs against my neck.
I rest my chin on her head, a single, stupid tear slipping past my jaw, into her hair.
“I’m not crazy,” she snaps at my silence. She’s trying to sound tough, but her sobs won’t stop. “I knew what I was doing. Dammit, I did.”
“I know you did, Mom. I know.”
“Mr. Hunt? Mr. Hunt, I’m afraid it’d be best for everyone if—”
“D-don’t touch me. Don’t you touch me! Where’s my Joshua?”
“Mr. Hunt, please—”
When the blistering tears I’m holding back blur my vision, I shut my eyes, only to open them again at the piercing sound of glass shattering. Mom’s crying and clawing against the firm hold two nurses have on her arms, one on each side, the vase she backed into now a broken mess at her feet.
“Mr. Hunt. Please.”
My limbs are shaking when I finally stand, breathing hard through the tightness in my chest.Jesus, Mom ...I can’t take seeing her like this. Hearing her cry for me when I’m right fucking here. When another nurse pleads for me to leave, I force my legs to steer me toward the exit.
I know they’re right—I’m only making it worse—and the knowledge is a shock of lightning down my spine, painful and disorienting.
When I slam shut the door to my truck, I grimace at the glimpse of my reflection in the rearview mirror. I’m almost as wrecked on the outside as I feel on the inside. My skin’s red, hair a mess from running my hands through it. Starting the engine, I screech out of the parking lot.
I don’t see anything in front of me as I drive, trying to pluck one solid thought from the millions plowing through my head and just focus on that.
Blue’s face keeps reappearing, the clearest thing I see. Full of shock. Hurt. Then, finally, guilt. I slam my fist against the dashboard, angry at myself for letting her find out about my mom that way. For not telling her sooner. For letting her think what happened back there was her fault.
As sick as the fact makes me, it’s not the first time Mom’s confused me for Conway. Won’t be the last either. It’s been a while since it’s gotten that bad, but in the two years Mom’s been in the nursing home, she’s never seen me with a girl.
I’m to blame for this. For everything I’ve done to Blue up until now.
I’m supposed to be her boyfriend, but I had no clue she was volunteering there. I never even asked where she goes, how she spends her Sundays. Always too focused on my own shit. My knuckles curl, the anger blazing under my skin hot enough to sear. She deserves so much more than this.
After parking my truck, I knock on the front door but barely pause before striding into the house. She’s not in her room. The whole place is quiet. Exhaling through my nose, I wind up back outside, standing by my truck and pulling out my phone to call her.
“It’s me. Leave a message, bonus points if you make me smile.”
A dull ache hits my chest at those words. I doubt hearing my voice right now is gonna make her smile.
“Hey.” I pause stupidly as if, by some miracle, she’s gonna respond, then shake my head. “Blue, I’m ... I’m sorry for not saying anything. I just—ah, Jesus.” How do I explain something like this on a goddamn voicemail? I grip the phone, looking down at my feet, as the words come rushing out. “I want to talk to you. I need to tell you, to explain, like I should’ve already done. My mom, she ...” The full weight of what I’m about to do sinks to the pit of my stomach like a ton of bricks, temporarily silencing me.
The only other person I’ve told about my mom is Henry, and even that was kept to a bare minimum—that she’s in a nursing home, which is the reason I moved an hour outside of Dallas in the first place. Per the ridiculous note Conway left me the day he took off, this was one of the few homes willing to work with him on the co-payments, and I wanted to be close enough to look out for her.
I was Mom’s miracle baby, the one she tried for years to have, and when I finally came just after her thirty-sixth birthday, she made me the center of her universe. The only thing that mattered. She wasn’t willing to let anything risk the family she finally had—even if that meant staying with a man who didn’t deserve her.
Now, I’m all she has. We’re all each other has. Or, at least, we were—until Blue.
If I’m gonna do this relationship thing right, Blue needs to know me, and my mom’s the most important part of me. If anyone can understand that, it’s her. I’ve seen firsthand what Blue and Susie have. I’ve felt it. The way they talk to each other, how Blue fidgets with their birthstones when she misses her.
I have to do this.
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to continue.
“I found out a little over four years ago my mom was diagnosed with dementia. Conway knew before I did.” I clear my throat but keep going. “Almost killed me. Conway too. He’s an asshole, but when he first figured out what was going on, he did try. Researching ways to help her, calling specialists all over the States. But her disease moved fast, Blue. Warp fucking speed. The further she slipped away, the longer Conway’s supposedworktrips became. The more unpaid bills we racked up. And the more my mom stayed up at night, crying and confused as hell. Especially when she’d see him, you know, with someone else.”
I shut my eyes, gritting my teeth as I try to clear my head.
