The thoughts are washed away when my veins begin to freeze over and that thin layer of fire sparks beneath my skin. The transition happens so fast I hardly feel it this time. Just as my mind starts to connect with that strong magnetic pull within the darkness, two hands are around my waist and I’m yanked back.
My mouth falls open as fresh oxygen floods my lungs. Then I’m on my back, something soft and padded beneath me, and I’m staring wide-eyed at a flat, white ceiling. I lay stunned in place for a few moments, feeling the air rush in and out of me. Waiting for my mind to stop spinning. Finally, I carefully sit up.
The first thing I take notice of is the bed beneath me. My bed. My room. The next thing, ishim.
His back is to me as he rests both palms against the wall, across the room. His head hangs down, the muscles in his shoulders and back rippling with tension. Even from here, with the slight angle of his face I can see, it’s obvious the way his jaw clenches and his chest heaves.
“Enzo . . .”
Slowly, he turns. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so livid. His body is the definition of rigid as he reins in his anger, and I’m afraid he’s going to burn my room down with the heat radiating off of him.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know that was going to happen, I swear.”
He says nothing, lips pressed into a thin line.
“I was just trying to get your attention.” As soon as I say the words, I wish I could swallow them back down. I want to cringe at how pathetic they sound.
“You think this is a game?” He inches closer, just barely, and my pulse spikes. “You think your fate, your life, is something to mess with just to get my attention?”
My gaze follows the tightening of his fists, before he scrubs a hand down his face.
“No.” I shake my head. “No, but you wouldn’t answer me, and we’re running out of time—”
“Time for what?” I see it begin to snap, the tension coursing through him. His hand rakes through his hair and his voice is rough. “For what, goddammit? To fix me? To save me? You can’t fix me, Lou.” He takes another step closer, looks me dead in the eye. “You. Can’t. Fix. Me.”
Everything about him in this moment makes me want to shrink back and cower. But I see what he’s trying to do, and I refuse to be scared away. I force myself to sit up straighter, my voice rising with his. “That’s just it. I’ve been reading more about it, and it’s a glitch. That’s all it is. Meaning you aren’t meant to be there, Enzo. You really are meant to be here, just like I said before. And if you’d just calm down and talk to me about it for five minutes then maybe I can get you to understand.”
He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to calm himself. “What is it you think I need to understand?”
My lips part to speak, but I don’t know how to form the words. How can I put this in a way that won’t run him off again?
He moves closer, watching me struggle to get a grasp on my thoughts, until he’s looming over me. “You want me to understand that me staying here with you is worth the risk. You want to see if this can work. If we’ll defy the odds. You want us to be together, here, like normal people. Is that what you want to say?”
I swallow, my voice small when I answer, “Yup. Pretty much sums it up.”
Something softens in his eyes as he gazes down at me, but the tension never leaves his body. The taut lines of muscle. The restraint in his posture. He’s close to me now. So close I feel his breath when he speaks, and every bone in my body aches to reach out and touch him.
“We are not normal people, Lou.Iam not normal. Every minute I’m here ties me closer to this world and pushes you further away. Every minute I’m here is a death sentence to you.”
I shudder, his alarming words resounding a little too harshly in my ears.
He seems to notice, because he’s leaning in. His hand comes up, fingers about to brush the hair from my face when he stops midair. Balls his hand into a fist and drops his arm to his side. “This is your life we’re talking about.”
“Exactly.Mylife.” I tuck my hands beneath my thighs to hide their trembling. He needs to see my confidence in this decision, not my fear. “My choice.”
“No.” He shakes his head, taking a step away from me as his expression hardens, and the shift leaves me longing for him to come back.Come closer.“I’m not giving you the choice, Lou. You’re not thinking clearly.”
I narrow my eyes. “Like hell I’m not.”
“You’re not,” he growls quietly, working his jaw. “You’re only wanting this because of who I am as Death. Because of the pull I carry with me from the other world. You wouldn’t be saying these things if I was just me, as Enzo. If you weren’t connected to me through this . . .” He pauses, running a hand through his hair before gritting the next words out. “This damnthingforcing you to feel this way. It’s making you blind.”
My budding fear dissipates at that, certainty taking its place, strengthening me. I push off the bed and stand, my face inches from his, my voice ringing with conviction. “It may seem irrational. And yeah, maybe I am making a stupid decision. But I am not blind. I know exactly why I want this, and I want it because ofyou. That’s never going to change.”
The hard mask he’s wearing falters, letting me glimpse the flurry of emotion that hits him at my words. Pain. Grief. Joy. Every tiny detail in this moment calls to me. The way he’s leaning forward, eyes dropping to my lips. The ridges of his arms as his muscles tighten. But then, he pulls back again, taking an extra long step away from me.
So I take an extra long step toward him.
He stiffens. Swallows.
