“A lot to process. A lot to process?” She laughed, her voice breaking. When she looked up at me, her eyes were filled with a world I lived in for too long. “A lot to process is breaking your leg the day before your vacation. A lot to process is being told you failed your final exam. You just told me I’ve basically been living a different life at night, a different life I havenomemory of. That’s a little bit more than a lot to process, Winder.”
“I know. I know.” I held my hands up. I didn’t want her to run. I needed her to stay here, where I could keep a close eye on her, until I untangled this mess she had knotted both of us in.
“And what about the dreams?” Blaire sounded so small, so unlike the way she had just demanded answers from me.
I froze. “What about them?”
“Are they just dreams? Or is that something I’m forgetting about too?” Her green eyes begged me for something she could cling to.
If she was looking for stability, she came to the wrong place. “I don’t know, Blaire,” I answered as honestly as I could.
She glanced away, but not before I saw the crestfallen look that crossed her face.
Blaire had been through a lot tonight. More than a person should go through in a lifetime, let alone a single evening. The weight of it was beginning to show across her skin.
She fell back onto the bed, looking up at my ceiling like it held all the answers. “What am I going to do?”
Such a simple question. I wished it had just as simple of an answer. “First, you’re going to get off those nasty sheets so I canchange them. Then, you’re going to get a good night’s sleep. We can regroup in the morning once you aren’t so tired, and I’ve had time to think.”
“Do I have to stay here?” Blaire mumbled, throwing an arm over her eyes.
I laughed, ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Leave if you want. I’m not going to stop you. I’m just saying it might be safer for you to stay here.”
A lie. I wasn’t going to let her leave. But it would be better for both of us if she believed she had some say in the matter. Wasn’t that what most kidnappers did?
She peeked up at me from underneath her arm. “I don’t want to stay here. But Ireallydon’t want to go home. Not tonight at least.”
The knot unfurled. “It’s settled then. You can sleep in my bed, and I’ll take the couch.”
I hated sleeping on the couch. I took the only bedroom on the main floor because it was the only one with its own bathroom. The other bedrooms upstairs had to share. But being just off the living room meant there was always someone who wanted something from me, or people yapping in my fucking ear. It was worse when I slept on the couch. But I was already breaking every goddamn rule in my book by even letting Blaire in my house, so sleeping in the same bed with her was out of the question.
I couldn’t stand looking at her on those disgusting sheets for a second longer. I tugged on the bottom of the bed, pulling them off the mattress. Blaire sat up, sliding off the bed into a pool on the floor.
She picked at her cuticles as I wrenched the sheets off the bed. I’d throw them out tomorrow.Never really liked them anyway.
I reached into my small closet to grab my crumpled spare set, and Blaire turned her attention to her other hand.
She was nervous. It was kind of cute watching her avoid looking at me.
I wasn’t used to girls being shy around me. The women who normally hung around here all wanted something from me. They’d offer whatever they had for whatever they wanted. Some of them wanted to get high. Some of them wanted my body.
Some of them wanted to forget.
Some of them wanted to remember.
I understood most of those feelings, and for the most part, I was down for the ride.
Blaire, though…she sat with her feelings tattooed across her skin and still denied their existence. I made her nervous. The way she fidgeted around me told me everything I needed to know.
I snapped the last corner into place. “Alright. You’re good to go. I can’t promise it’s the most comfortable place to sleep, but the door locks, and I’ll be right outside.”
She curled her knees up into her chest. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can.”
I nodded. “I know. Do you need anything else?”
“Winder?” She rested her head on her knees, her hair all tossed to one side. At that moment, I wasn’t sure if I had ever seen someone so effortlessly beautiful. She cut me from the inside out, leaving me to bleed at her feet, and had no idea.
Maybe it would’ve been easier if she did.
