I guess I’d have to go way back for that, before my soul was more than just a thought, because I was beginning to think that’s where all thewrongstarted.
We just spent the rest of our lives making up for the mistakes built into the marrow of our bones.
Fuck, I smelled.
“Sorry, what was that?”
I yanked my head up, half-expecting to see someone covered in blood. Winder stood in the doorway, and I couldn’t figure out if he was pissed at me, or if that was just his natural state. Not for the first time, I was struck by the feeling of just how handsome he was, but also how dangerous he could be.
“This is your bed.” I grabbed the scratchy gray sheets, a flimsy armor. It wouldn’t do much. Besides, at the end of the day, I was the one who showed up here.
He raised a dark brow. “It is. But there weren't a lot of options of where to put you when you decided to pass out on my front yard. As much as I was certain your…aroma would scare anyone off, I wasn’t going to take any chances.”
There he was, acting like my protector again, even as he looked like he didn’t want to be near me. I sniffed at my shirt. “I’m sorry about that. Really. I didn’twantto come here, believe me. I just didn’t know where else to go.”
“So you said.” Winder crossed the room, sitting down on the bed. “You can explain to me exactly what happened, but I would appreciate it if you showered first.” He wrinkled his nose. “I already have to burn these sheets. I would’ve swapped your clothes, but I didn’t think you’d like that.”
The idea of Winder seeing me naked, vulnerable, and unconscious coiled in my stomach, a snake ready to strike.
“Sorry about your sheets, too. I’ll replace them.” My skin itched, and I realized how great a shower actually sounded.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not into silk sheets.” Getting to his feet, he cocked his head. “Come on. My bathroom is this way. We’ll get you cleaned up, and then you need to go home. You can’t be here.”
“So you keep saying.”
Home. I didn’t want to go back there. I rolled out of his bed, stepping around the piles of clothes and boxes piled everywhere. He opened a small door in the corner, and a compact bathroom lit up, spotless in comparison to his room.
“I’m sure it’s not much compared to what you’re used to, but the water is hot. I’ll try and find something clean for you to wear.” Winder twisted the tap in the tiny shower before facing me once more. “What made you even think to come here?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “The last thing you said to me was that you were the only thing I had. And last night, it really felt like it.”
“Fair.” He ran his hand under the water. “You should be good. Lock the door behind me, and don’t open it for anyone, okay?”
Was this place really that dangerous?I didn’t feel any more nervous than I normally did in any given situation. I wasn’t sure if that said more about his house, or my general level of anxiety. Regardless, Winder left the bathroom, and I turned the small lock.
Finally alone, behind a locked door, I let myself crumble. Even though locks didn’t guarantee safety, my shoulders sagged, and I cried quietly, the fear of everything catching up to me at last. I would give myself a minute of self-pity, and then I would straighten myself out. Crying wasn’t going to fix anything or keep me safe.
I dropped my dumpster clothes in a pile, kicking them away from me. I never wanted to see them again.
Winder was right about one thing—the hot water was to die for. I stood under the stream for as long as I could bear, letting the evening wash away from me, even as the small bite on my hand burned under the heat. I wasn’t even sure what time it was, if it was still night, or how long I had been here. Winderseemed set on kicking me out as soon as he could, which didn’t surprise me much. I grabbed for the generic shampoo resting on the ledge, scrubbing it into my hair.
Something was bothering me about Winder, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was like I was grasping at the flimsy edges of a dream. I wasn’t afraid of him, so that wasn’t it. He didn’t make me uncomfortable. Mad, absolutely. But uncomfortable, no.
Staying in the shower as long as I could, I finally got out, switching off the handle. There was a small shelf with towels, and I grabbed one, standing in the steam. I could barely see my hand in front of my face, let alone my reflection in the mirror. I kind of liked it that way. It was easier to pretend when I didn’t have to see my own face.
A knock on the door made me jump. “Hello?”
“It’s Winder. I’ve found you some clothes.”
His raspy voice squeezed my chest in a way I didn’t want to think about right now. Grabbing the towel tightly around me, I unlocked the door, and peeked outside.
Winder stood in his bedroom, holding a pile of dark clothing. I didn’t miss the way his gaze dropped along my towel-clad body through the crack in the door. Heat rose to my cheeks, and I expected him to look away. Instead, he met my eyes straight on as he offered the pile to me. “Here.”
“Thanks,” I murmured. I reached out and snatched the clothes, slamming the door as quickly as I could. I needed to cut whatever electric wire stretched between Winder and myself, before either of us were burned.
“They’ll probably be too big, but it’s better than nothing.” Winder’s quiet voice carried through the door.
I pulled up the sweatpants he had given me, tightening the waistband as far as I could, and they were still massive. Winder was a solid foot taller than me, so it wasn’t entirely shocking.
