Shame and guilt stabbed at me whilst bringing my girl pleasure, I tainted the trust she gave me without question and I knew I couldn't keep this up. I needed to tell her everything. Whilst I sat washing her hair, a puzzle piece finally slotted into place. I’d always wondered how Corbin had been privy to what his brother got up to–the accidents or messes I’d cleaned up and kept from public knowledge. Before his longer stay in rehab before he headed to university with Robin, Phin was popping pills and taking anything that was given to him. We’d just played a gig in Liverpool and as I stepped off the stage, hair drenched in sweat, I’d gotten back to the dressing room to endless missed calls. Not even showering, I’d rushed back to the hotel room I’d booked him into, already seeing the balcony windows smashed and a chair laid in the middle of the road as my taxi had pulled in. With flashing lights in the distance, I’d rushed to the room to find him tripping off his balls, believing a shadow woman with wet hair was trying to kill him. He wouldn’t stop fretting that she was wetting the carpet. After he’d calmed down enough, I’d gotten him out of the bathroom and onto the bed, where he admitted he’d tried to fight her, threw a chair, but it’d smashed through the eight floor window. This was what actually started his stint in rehab. I’d made the calls the following day, his familyaware of his drug problem but not any detail of the events that happened.
I’d had a second to make a decision; help save a friend who would be arrested for drugs, or blame the entire thing on a sober rockstar who just had a moment. Our PR team would make sure the story never saw the light of day. Quickly I’d moved him to my room across the hall and shut him in, returning to the bedroom and checking that he hadn’t actually brought anything he’d taken back to the room. It was clear, so I staged the room like I was ready for a night in, pacing to amp myself up when the police got to the room. I’d taken the entire blame, said the hotel was shitty for not having a brand of whisky I’d demanded and I didn’t even get arrested. The band had been furious with me and knew things didn’t add up, but like promised, our PR team kept it from the press. I’d paid a large fine and got my lawyer involved.
It was only this spring that Corbin approached me in a coffee shop around the corner from our usual recording studio in London. My brain had automatically thought it was Phin at first—the resemblance was there—but he was, of course, years older than his brother. His presence had unnerved me from the moment I noticed him, but he’d walked straight up to me and explained he knew everything I had done. He didn’t just explain; he’d made it very clear that what was to happen next was blackmail. If I didn’t want him to drag up the incident with the right people to make it known the mess had been his brothers, I was to be indebted to him, to be used as he wished at a later time. That date had eerily been the following week.
Waking to my phone buzzing from somewhere in my bed, I shot up in the hotel room somewhere in Lisbon and answered, panicked Phoenix needed me or one of the guys. Instead, mocking laughter had scolded me for the company I keep and the idiots I’d allowed into my London apartment whilst I wasn'teven in the country. I’d been so confused because no one lived with me—that apartment was modest sized, so it was never really used for parties, just casual hook ups or if we were recording in the city. Annoyed, I’d lashed out and my reaction had been exactly what he’d been waiting for. It had confirmed something for him, giving him enjoyment in telling me I was going to take the fall once again for one of his siblings, just not the male variety. Lily had swiped my key from Phoenix and invited a bunch of her friends to herfamous rockstar friend’shome, promising I’d be there, where they partied hard and trashed the entire place. I was pissed, confused, until he dropped the bomb that one of the girls had been taken to the hospital and nearly overdosed because of drugs that had been dealt out that night. He never stated outright that his sister had been the one to hand them out, but he wouldn’t be cashing in thisfavorif she hadn’t. I’d again been threatened with him taking the knowledge of his brother’s behaviour to the authorities and the hotel, which I couldn’t let happen. By some miracle they hadn't checked the corridor cameras, but they had access to proof of my lie if he got in touch with them. Taking the blame for the full party, owning the drugs in case the girl woke up in hospital and wanting to press charges, Corbin’s ideal situation was that his sister had never been there. He paid people off, including myself. We’d never discussed money, but once the girl was discharged from hospital and the police never turned up at my door, a disgustingly large amount of money appeared in my account with a text thanking me for my services.
The fucker had me by the balls, but Phoenix wasmyfamily. He’d no doubt get in way more trouble than the slap on the wrist I’d managed to pull, but this shit was far from ok. Not one person breathed a word and I never discussed it with Lily; the first time being in the same room was when I stepped out of our hired van in front of Nightingale House. Hell, she may not evenknow the lengths her brother had gone to cover up her mess. I waited around the entire afternoon Friday, looking for Corbin to demand an explanation over the money that I had sent back numerous times for it to only be sent back again. I didn’t want his filthy bribe, but then I’d found Robin in the library and I’d been completely consumed by her instead. I derailed my plan because I’d gotten so lost in her eyes, those fucking caramel orbs flecked with warm browns and touches of amber. They changed with her every expression, baring her soul onlyto me. I’d decided to let it go, find another way to give his dirty money back or pass it to his brother in some form of apology for keeping this from him.
All I had to do was come clean, not dry hump the woman I’ve carved into my skin and won't stop till she's completely mine. I've never felt like this for anyone. She makes me feel elated, like the high I get when on stage. The love for the music, the deep joy I feel when I’m doing what I love and the rush of performing. I feel all of that just being given the privilege of being near Roo.
NUZZLING into the pillow, I inhale the scent of shampoo and how my own cologne merges with Robin's sweet smell. It's heaven, the bed feeling like ours as I stretch my limbs and reach for the tiny woman I desperately need to cuddle right now. Maybe I can make us cups of tea and hopefully make her understand my involvement with Corbin. My fingers ache to touch her, but it's taking me longer than it should to locate her body.
Frowning, I lift my head, peering at the crumpled sheets and empty space which should contain my girl.
Where the fuck is she?
Grey light spills into the room but it's brighter than it has been in days, and I know she'll be happy to not hear the sound of relentless rain. I still don't understand why my best frienddecided to live in Yorkshire; it's like the entire county stops when a storm cloud hovers over it for too long.
“Roo?” I call out, voice hoarse and my eyes jump to the bathroom, but there isn’t any light spilling under the door. I'm pretty sure she's not in my room at all, but that doesn't make sense since we'd gone to sleep so content. Has someone stopped by?
The clock on the bedside table reads seven, so it's a little early for the detectives to start questioning us all again. I'm sure she would have woken me up for that.
Sitting up still palming the sheets, unease punches my gut and I've always been one to trust my initial instincts, so despite feeling groggy I rise from the bed and quickly throw on an oversized t-shirt, shorts, socks with my trainers and a very worn hoodie that I wear on travel days. It may be summer, but I can see the layer of mist in the air through the window, meaning it could be cold if I get dragged outside. I don’t relieve myself or check my appearance before I swipe my room key and leave, my stomach twisted in knots because something doesn't feel right. My blood chills when I twist the door handle and it's not locked. I'd double checked last night before joining her in bed, so that meant she crept out of the room and left.
Left me.
The corridor is quiet but I can hear the faint buzz of noise from behind some of the guest doors, people starting to rise and talk. My paranoia was starting to reach a new high as I rounded corner after corner, slowing to listen by each door in case I heard her voice. The relief never comes, because I’m rounding the final corner to her hotel room where I stop in my tracks at the open door. Closing my eyes, I exhale extendedly. She won’t be in there, her lock had been battered and I was sure the door wouldn’t even shut with the shards of wood sticking out. I don’tknow what propels me forward, but I need to see for myself that she’s not in the room.
Making it only a couple of feet away from the door, nothing seems off, but a dark feeling sinks into my stomach as I notice marks on the walls and a deep colored splatter on the carpet beneath my feet. Dipping my head to examine the marks which look like light scratches, I strain down onto my knees to look closer at the floor.
Is that…blood?
Fear like I’ve never known slams into my body and I start to feel irrational panic. In one fluid motion I fling myself forward until I’m running into her shadowed room, switching on the overlights and confirming she’s nowhere to be found. I pull open the empty wardrobe for good measure, unable to breathe because it feels like a hand sized vice is wrapped around my lungs. Where the fuck is she?
Storming from the room, I don’t recognise my own voice as I start to shout and pound on guest doors as I practically run down the corridors. Empty or occupied, I rasp my knuckles on every door, making my way to Phoenix’s room. I’m vaguely aware of doors opening, but the roar of blood in my ears is so loud I think I might pass out. I’m not just suffering with the loss of her presence, this soul gripping fear is because I know she wouldn’t just sneak out of my room after the evening we shared together. I don’t stop banging and scratching at his door handle until I hear movement behind it—the lock jiggles before the door opens to reveal Merle. He looks rung out, tired and right now fed up with seeing me.
“Wren? What is going on? Your bestie isn’t here.”
“Is Robin in there with you? I can’t find her.”
He frowns, inching out of his room to study the corridor. “No, of course she’s not.”
Cardinal appears behind him, arms tightly crossed. “What do you mean you can’t find her?”
Gritting my teeth, I’ll accept help from anyone right now, even this brooding asshole. “It’s that simple, I can’t find her. She was asleep next to me all night, then when I woke up she’s gone. Her room door is still wide open and she’s not in there either.”
Stepping around Merle, his glower deepens. “Are you kidding me? You didn’t even wake up when she got out of bed?”
Pushing down my annoyance, I mirror his stance and cross my arms. “Obviously not or else I would know where she is, wouldn’t I.”
“Who is where?” A curious feminine voice asks behind me and I turn to find the girls, minus Robin. Lily looks exhausted which is a new look for her. Both Willow and Mavis too look like they haven’t slept a wink. “Who are you looking for?”
“I can’t find Robin. Did she come to any of your rooms this morning?”
Three frowns appear and they each shake their heads. We’re not exactly close, but Willow looks sincerely worried and her posture becomes tense.
“Where's Phin?” I ask, staring at his sister, who points in the direction of her room.
