“Why were you talking to him like that?”
Phin’s lip wobbles as he looks down, breaking my fucking heart because I’ve given so much of myself to make him better this year. I don’t think there's much left of me to give to fix whatever this is.
Merle clears his throat, nervously looking around. “This isn’t any of your business.”
“None of my business? I’m not going to stand here and let you speak to anyone like that.” I swear this hotel is sending us all insane.
I've not kept my cool with Willow all weekend, I tackled one of my closest friends yesterday in a rage thinking he’d hurt Robin and now, my instincts are screaming for me to protect Phin at all costs.
“What is going on?” I ask between clenched teeth.
He juts his chin towards the table. “Phoenix stole my anxiety medication and decided to take way more than he should, for the past two days. I thought you were giving him them.” He crosses his arms whilst scolding him, and I will my body not to copy the action, sighing to myself in defeat.
The red mist dissipates and I walk over to Phin, dropping to one knee next to him to see into his downturned face. Tears and snot freely fall down his face and he doesn’t stop any of it, like he’s given up on trying to hide what's going on. I hate this submissive side of him; he finds no pleasure in this form of letting go. He’s spoken to me before about how his mind shuts down when he’s in a confrontation, sent back mentally to being a child and having his father shout at him. His mother was the same, punishing him over little things with nasty words that clearly cut deep.
I rest my palm on his knee and he finally looks at me with those pale blue eyes, void of any warmth. “We’re going to figure this out, ok, man? We can get in touch with my therapist, you want that right? She’s really good.” I don’t point any fingers, or tell him what he did wrong. I want to help, not berate him with how he’s slipped up and add to his guilt. Merle clearly doesn’t see it that way and now I think it makes sense why he’s never confided in him about his addiction issues.
“You baby him too much. Anything he wants—you give in to him. He even convinced you to collaborate in his lie against me.” He jabs his fingers into his own chest.
I feel two things, guilt again for keeping so many secrets and protective rage as I rise to my feet and glare down at him across the space. He’s pacing in short strides, arms protecting himself. Just as his mouth opens to no doubt throw more accusations of my protective nature for his boyfriend, a feminine but sharp voice pierces the tension.
“I heard someone shouting. What the hell is going on?” Lily asks, standing in the open door frame with huge eyes like a worried doe and wearing sodden clothing. Her hair is wet, the beige running clothing speckled with drops of rain. A gust of fresh air drifts into the room, the scent of wet forest twisting with dense warm air that is stifling in the countryside. We’re due to get a dip in the weather and thank god, an early autumn, but the humid air does nothing for how thick the tension grows between us all.
Phin sits up straighter and buries his fingers into his eyes like he’s trying to scoop away the evidence of their argument. She steps closer towards him and with her hands outstretched, like she’s found him injured. “My god, Phin, what's happened? Are you ok?”
I take a large step out of the way as she crashes into him, hands wrapping around his shoulders and her face rests on his head. He shakes and tries to clear his throat, but after looking over to where his boyfriend now inches away to leave the room, his voice cracks and he buries his face into his sister's shoulder.
She glares at me.Me. Like I’m the one who’s done something to wrong her precious kin. I can hand on heart admit that everyone babies my best friend, mainly the women in his life and it always perturbed me that Robin fell into that category.
Turning to speak to Merle, he’s nowhere to be found. He must have edged out of the room when we were focused on Phoenix.
“C’mon, Darling, I’ll make you a hot chocolate and we’ll see if any of the DVD’s work in the lounge. I saw a couple collecting dust in the telly unit, you’ll have to get that sorted for when real guests come.” Her tone is sweet, patting her brother's arm as she hooks underneath him and pulls him up from the chair. His entire appearance is crumpled and all he can bring himself to do is nod.
I feel so guilty leaving him like this, but despite my feelings towards his sister, she can take care of him. He still hasn’t answered me or spoken for that matter. Merle is clearly still angry about all the lies we kept from him, but if it was the only way I could get him help, I’d make the same decisions. That might make me feel like an arsehole, but it got my best friend clean and he was doing so well up until this fucking joke of a weekend.
Before both siblings leave, Phin’s head snaps in my direction and we share a pained look. He doesn’t want me to mention Merle’s outburst, especially not to Lily who looks like she wants to rip my head off and offer it to her brother in case that would make him feel better. She’s still pretty wet from the rain, but on the basis I can’t stand her, I’m not going to offer to help whilst she gets changed. They need time together.
I let out a relieved sigh to see Robin is still in my bed when I get back to my hotel room. Sitting up, her curls are wild from sleep and our heated activities last night.
She looks so beautiful.
She looks so fucking mine.
Using my foot to close the door, I’m already grinning like a cat but then I remember what I’m walking away from, the parallel universe that just opened in the dining room.
“What’s wrong?” She instantly asks, able to read me so easily. Until I met Phoenix, I never opened up to anyone as a child and even the media paints me as a closed book, unlike others in my life–mainly Ottis or Bran. They paint me incredibly unfactual actually, the raging alcoholic rockstar who sticks his dick in anything that can get wet. Seriously, I read those words once in an online article reviewing one of our newer albums.
I stride to the table and place both mugs down, steam rising in the dimly lit corner where the bed is, so I switch on a lamp. Can’t have her straining those pretty eyeballs, she needs them to write books and look at me all day.
“Good morning, Beautiful. Nothing’s wrong with me, but—well, I just witnessed the weirdest thing actually. Have you ever seen Merle completely lose his shit? Cause I just did.” I’m still in disbelief.
I don’t want her to see me so riled up, but I can’t unsee how he practically spat down at Phin. The man who is just a sperm donor to me spoke to everyone like that my entire young childhood, so it itches at buried emotions I hate.
Robin's sharp cackle grounds me. “Merle? The man who cries at animal adoption adverts and can’t decide on which one-pound puppy print tote to go for in Tescos?”
I sit on the edge of the bed with my hands held up. “Hear me out. I just caught him practically screaming at Phoenix. Face red, pacing—really on edge and completely pissed off. I’ve never even heard him shout before, it was so bizarre.” My mood seems to darken before I can stop it. “Actually, it was pretty fucked up. I didn’t like the way he spoke to him at all, and the worst part, he was just sitting there crying. Taking it.”
The light energy Robin seems to emulate dies in an instant, her expression laced with worry and confusion. Probably a mirror expression of my own. “He was shouting at Phin whilst he cried?”
