I’m confused, but I shrug. “Yeah? I need to concentrate before I go on stage, and having too many people around is over stimulating.”
She scoffs, starting to rise which knocks the book from her lap to the floor. “Ohh—I’m sorry superstar, I forgot that means you can do whatever you want. That’s disgusting Wren and I thought better of you. Well, after meeting you I thought better.” My confusion must show on my face because she stumbles over her words, but she still points in my face. “It’s people like you abusing the power you’re given that gets everyone painted with the same brush. What you did was degrading and made me feel really icky. Lil might have laughed it off, but you can’t,” she shakes her wild curls, hands fumbling in the air. “you can’t go around demanding blowjobs!”
Finally my brain combusts. It must have, because her shrill words don’t register right and my jaw falls quite literally to the floor. I’ve been going around doing what now?
“Can we pause for a second, because I have no clue what you're talking about, Roo.” The name of endearment slips out accidentally but I ignore it, pinching the bridge of my nose as I stand to my own feet. I was prepared to beg, so being on my knees was fitting, but now the world seems to have flipped us into a weird parallel universe. “Can you tell me exactly what you think I’ve done? A lot of false gossip gets posted online, but even that would be low for me. I don’t go around demanding anything—whatever you’ve heard, it’s wrong.”
She huffs, looking warily at the open doorway before crossing her arms. “I didn’t hear it or read anything online. Wednesday night Lily dragged me to your gig, but you told the bouncer that the only way we would get in, is if we blew him. He said you wanted him tosample the goods.”She shivers, gripping her body a little tighter.
All I can do is blink.
Dealing directly with venue staff was a graft we gladly handed over to our manager Theo, but they were the people who ensured the show happens without a hitch. Each night we play is a blur of faces, but I know exactly which security member she’s no doubt referring to. Maybe it’s because it was our last gig, but I remember one security guy’s predatory gaze wandering over Willow and a few other girls that had been hanging around, after we played. He’d made a shady comment too, elbowing Ottis who had a blonde plastered to him. After speaking with Theo, they’d swapped him out for someone else on the security team. Before the staff change I remember telling him no when Lily had tried to get on the guest list, definitely without any sexual acts for terms or conditions.
Letting out a long exhale, I mimic her stance and cross my own arms. “I would never say anything like that or demand such a thing. That guy was a total scumbag and I’m sorry that’s your first impression of us. Venues hire their own security, but I’m not above pulling strings and getting him fired. Predators like that shouldn’t be around people like our fans.” I take a step forward, relieved when she doesn’t retreat. “I did take her off the guest list, but I don’t want to create any drama in your friendship. She…distracts. When security radioed that she was outside with someone named Rob, I just assumed it was another new boyfriend and she wanted to show off her connections with the band.” Whether I knew she was Lily’s new boy toy or not, I still wouldn’t have allowed them into our dressing rooms.
“We wouldn’t have been allowed in, even if you knew.” She speaks my own thoughts out loud and I sadly nod.
“Still you shouldn’t have had to experience that. I’m really sorry Roo, I promise you I would never throw my fame around or act that way.” Testing the waters, I take another step towards her until I’m close enough to uncurl her arms and entwine our fingers. Bold, but I can’t let this connection vanish before it’s able to flourish. Kissing her woke me from some stale, dreamlike state I was living in, barely dragging my feet. Now that I've tasted her, Ineedmore.
“He made me feel dirty.” She whispers, a glaze to her eyes. I rub slow circles on the tops of her hands.
“I’m really sorry.” I say softly, wanting to keep her calm and in this moment with me. She's letting me touch her again and the feeling of her skin breathes light back into me. “I don't like someone making you feel that way, so if you ever want to see us play, you'll always be more than welcome. I'll put you on every list. I’ll tell Theo you're my emotional support human and you haveto be with me at all times.”
Robin rolls her eyes and I see a little of her spark return. “You're ridiculous.”
I lean closer. “For you I'll be anything.”
Her breathing hitches and the air between us becomes electric, the tension pulling tighter like our bodies need to be closer for it to finally snap. I lower my head, smelling cinnamon and honey from her hair.I could kiss her again so easily…
She breaks the spell first.
“Let's eat breakfast, then I want to show you something.” Robin says whilst taking a step back, unlatching one of her hands from mine but I cling to the other. I feel so far out of my element I want to wrap all my limbs around her like an octopus, that way she can't escape whatever this is between us. It’s probably so unhealthy, but I know she feels it too. I can tell by the way her fingers tighten around mine, like she's fighting the pull to be with me.
“What do you want to show me?”
“If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise superstar.”
“Hmm, you're going to take me out into the woods and bury me, aren't you?” That gets a little laugh out of her, the atmosphere returning to normal. I don't think we've cleared the confusion up as much as I’d like, but I'm hoping I'll get to spend a lot more time with her this weekend. Phin might have entered my world with open arms, but Robin never even dipped her toes anywhere close to the glaring lights that are fame. Publishing her book probably took a lot of courage, so I’ll need to tread carefully so as not to scare her off. Whateverthisis, it doesn't feel like it's going to end when we leave Nightingale tomorrow.
“YOU are taking me out here to kill me, aren’t you?” I drag my converse in the dirt, making myself slightly dead weight and pull on our entwined hands. She blesses me with her laugh, and it makes me feel so far away from all the noise that constantly swarms me. We could be anywhere right now, miles from this stretch of woodlands. The sun floods through the branches and sways, the light wind not breaking through so heat tickles our skin. Everything looks so whimsical in the daytime and I relax into our walk.
When was the last time I was able to stroll somewhere like this? Even laying low my tattoos are recognisable. I can handle turning a few heads, but without hired security I can’t remember how long it’s been walking anywhere by myself.
“If you don’t shut up and let me surprise you, I will. They’re laying a new patio, it’d be the perfect place to bury you.”
I mock gasp. “You wouldn’t dare. I at least deserve a headstone.” Knocking her arm against mine, we take our time moving down the dirt path. Everything in the forest is alive, especially the organ in my chest. I look down at our joined palms and marvel at how comfortable it feels. “Do you think we would have met if it wasn’t for this weekend?” I can’t help but ask, the idea of us still not meeting bouncing around my head all night.
She pauses for only a moment, kicking up dust with her sandal. “I’m not sure. We came close to meeting on Wednesday,” she chuckles, but it’s sour. “But Phin gave up selling you to me a couple of years ago. We graduated uni, I got my apartment and focused on being an author. He met Merle and you know, theyjust disappeared into that bubble new couples do.” I don’t miss the way she sighs, shoulders slumping.
“Yeah, I missed him a lot then too. He never stopped singing your praises to me, even when we were ten years old. I just chose not to listen, it appears.” We both smile, but I can’t help the guilt that drifts in. “It feels so stupid now, but I hated that he already had a best friend. We’d be having so much fun, and he’d say he wished you were there. He always wanted you with us, then when we got older he laid it on thick—that we’d get on well.”
To my relief she snorts, hiding the noise with her free hand. “I know it’s so fucked up, but pre-teen me really loathedhe made friends. I always struggled and everything came so naturally to him, but it knocked me for six that he wasn’t at boarding school suffering like I was. My therapist had a field day,” she laughs. “But I am happy he had you. I think I unfairly blamed you for the crowd he fell in with, but Phoenix is a wild soul, his choices are his own and you didn’t force anything down his throat.” We both look at each other and I squeeze her fingers, understanding washing over us both. Maybe we couldn’t see it then, but we’re connected by the love we share for our best friend. I may have opened our lives to fame, but Phin’s family are so wealthy, he was known to the public the day his father went to prison for murder.
The trees continue to part in front of us, until a flash of ink like glass comes into view. It grows until the full structure of the bird house is right there, to the side are stone buildings which I assume are the entertainment and event spaces the guys are developing. Phin explained how the glass room had proven hard to refurbish with most of the panes needing to be replaced, but it will eventually be a venue for hire. Leading me by the hand still, she pulls me to the left and we trail against the brush until we round the building. It seems one with the woods as flowers creep into the stone base, ivy towering up through the glass that'scracked by the elements. Periwinkles are everywhere, as well as cowslip and cows parsley which thrive even in the shade. Inside looks to be filled with wood, equipment and stacks of materials. We continue past the front of the glass house and she takes me to another set of doors. The nature is wilder here and it even crawls through empty spaces in the panes. Some are patched up and for a moment I space out to access if going in would be too dangerous. Like she reads me thoughts, I feel her thumb rub against the side of my hand.
“The structure was signed off and all the loose glass was taken out. It’s ok.” She reassures me, pressing on the door which shifts open. It still looks like it’s in the process of being ripped apart, but off to one side is stacks of chairs, large furnishings covered with dust cloths. Robin only now lets go of my hand and I’m cold with the loss. She must have been in here before, because she confidently makes her way over to the corner, the sun falling through in filtered strips of moving specs. Her hair warms and matches her eyes perfectly, down to the flecks of gold and amber. This space was made for her; the forest outside admiring their goddess of spring.
To my surprise, she starts removing the dust cloth from a pale grey baby grande piano. “I thought you'd be some cocky rockstar, who wanted to shag anything with a pulse.” She runs her hands along the top of the surface making sure it's smooth, before looking over her shoulder at me with the most daring sparkle in her eyes.
