Prologue
SHE’S back.
Sometimes I hide under the covers so she can’t see me, but we’d played hide and seek all day. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but it’s the first game I’d been winning.
Wet, stringy hair falls over her face and droplets fall off her drenched clothes. Slow, unsturdy steps are dragging mud in, turning the cream carpet brown. Momma is going to be so mad at me.
I’m trying to not breathe so she doesn’t find me, but the coats are scratching my face. Everyone is better than me at hide and seek. I bet they wouldn’t have sweaty hands or twitchy shoulders. I bet they’d be really still and she wouldn’t find them. She’d leave and they could go to bed. She smells like the rotting banana I found in my school bag. I wrinkle my nose and hide my face in one of the coats, but I must have made a noise because her wet head snaps in my direction. I can’t see her eyes, but I have nightmares that they’re dark like sticky mud. A stumble brings her closer to the closet. I don’t move but I canhear her dripping on the carpet, footsteps swaying like she’s dancing by herself, entranced in a silent song.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The rambling starts and I cry. I’m not allowed to cry. They get annoyed when I cry.
A loud sob escapes her as she stumbles forward and opens the balcony window. I’m also not allowed to open them. Momma is going to be so mad at me now. Maybe she’s sad because it’s raining? Her slender form sways in front of my night light and shadows jitter on the walls, crawling like spiders. She never stays this long and I wonder if it’s because she hasn’t found me yet. If I come out, maybe she’ll stay this time.
No, she needs to leave because Momma is going to blame me for the carpet. I’m scared but I really want her to go now.
I crawl out of the closet even though my legs hurt. I fell asleep on my legs, but it hurts more when he punches them. He says I’m not very strong. I don’t feel strong but I push her with all my might.
Her rambling stops as she falls out of the window.
Chapter one
Robin
“AREyou for fucking real?” Lily thrusts a perfectly manicured fingernail into the bouncer’s face. Me on the other hand, I’m out of my element; staring at him like he has a second head protruding from his shoulders. An ugly counterpart for his atrocious personality.
How had my carefully planned life come to this? Being rejected by a sleazy bouncer whilst my best friend—practically my sister, tries to handle the situation. Try being the key word, because the man is not being persuaded to let either one of us inside the venue. It’s the middle of the week for christ sake. Usually I’m in my apartment watching old fashioned detectives solve mysteries on television, or writing. Hell, last week I perfected my Chai latte skills, read the smuttiest fantasy book known to man and started knitting a sweater Lil’s grandma requested. She’d probably grumble that I was behind on the project due to events like this; watching her granddaughter ready to wrestle with a man twice her height.
One hand sits on her hip as she continues to viciously point. “Listen buddy, do you know who I am? Tell him again that Lily and Rob are outside!”
I internally cringe, questioning again how the night turned into us lurking outside an unidentified black door. The stench of urine and beer is so strong that yep—I’m standing in it. Fucking fantastic.
A shudder rolls through my body and I know it’s time to approach the beast, pull her out now before she tries to slice his artery. I’ve never seen her be so out rightly rejected before and when that sinks in, I predict hellfire will rain down from the sky as she wreaks her revenge over the dank alleyway. The buzz of noise from inside the building roars and peaks, just a heady vibration of voices singing back their favourite anthem.
“LikeIsaid, if you want to come backstage you need to get down on your knees and show me how much you want it. Wren's orders.” He leans into her with a cruel smirk and I can smell his foul breath from where I stand. “You know, sample the goods. Make sure you’re worth his time.”
Finally recoiling away from him, I decide this madness ends now and grab her hand, giving it a firm tug. “Let’s go Lil. I’d rather not contract a disease.” I instantly regret opening my mouth, my quick wit once again meeting my hot temper.
As his eyes narrow to reptilian like slits and meet mine, I know my mediocre bad day just instantly turned worse. “When he sees you, he’ll go soft. Look at you.” His laugh slices deep where it intended to hit and a burning sting hits the back of my eyes.
I’m not usually this emotional, and he couldn’t have known that the only day I allow myself to feelsomething, is today.
Exhaling a shaky breath, I grab her arm and don’t give her a choice as I pull her away, giving up on getting into the gig as our shoes scrape across the cobbles. I want to put as much distance between that black door and us. We’re immediately swept intothe throng of fans in band merchandise leaving early, and tourists all eager to hear the host of their ghost walk. Holding in the tears threatening to spill over, I do the one thing I know how to do best. Bitterly seeth and wish the worst things upon Wren fucking Hastings stupid existence. I hope he chokes on water and falls off stage.
FOR fifteen years I’ve managed to avoid the boy that grew up to be a rockstar, living the dream of every guy with reckless partying as a pass-time. Honestly it was easier than I imagined, because to my pleasure he never wanted to meet me either. We shared only one thing in common, and his name is Phoenix. My one true best friend. My ride or die. The third party to our three musketeers club and Lil’s younger brother. We were raised practically as twins, born weeks apart and at the time my Mum had lived with their family.
Growing up I never knew what life was like without either of them by my side, until concerned adults threw out words like codependent and emotionally reliant,causing Phin and I to both be split apart. Sent to separate boarding schools. This is where on his first day, he walked into his dorm room and methim.I knew all the stories, sat through summers of Phin going on and on about his life at school, his new friends and music. Whilst I found it hard to bond with any of the girls at my own school, he’d always been a social butterfly, able to fit in with anyone. He never stopped talking about Wren Hastings though, and I silently vowed as a sixteen year old girl to never meet the boy who was stealing my best friend away. Already at that point he’d gotten him into trouble—a few years later and he spent his first stint in rehab for reckless drug use.
Whilst Wren went on to become the famous frontman of The Larks with a playboy, party image, I was helping my best friend through the hardest time of his life. We barely made itto university because his stay in a rehabilitation center went on longer than planned, but I made it work. I packed up our separate belongings and hauled our butts up North. Lily soon followed, wanting a new scene. In my mind all it would take to fix everything was the three of us being reunited; a fresh start we all craved, but I miscalculated their friendship. Now at twenty six, Wren is still very much a solid root in Phin’s life—everyone’s life, as one of the most popular rock bands of our generation.
They’re actually pretty good, but I’d rather inject battery acid straight into my veins than ever admit that out loud. He may have deranged fans throwing themselves at him all over the internet, but his sharp jaw, heavily tattooed body and admittedly, gorgeous shaggy curls will never sway me. He’s not good for Phin, and like tonight I’m constantly reminded how much of a garbage human-being he is.
THE heat of the day vanishes, as we pass the crowd who stop outside the stone walls for their ghost stories. Pulling at my cardigan, I try to envision a reality where we’d had a great night to end our Summer.
“Honestly Darling, I bet that toad didn’t even tell the guys I was there.” Shaking out her ashy blonde curls, she runs a hand over her parting, tilting her chin up in an act of confidence–or maybe delusion, I can never quite tell. “Maybe I should quickly pop someone a text before we walk too far.” Pulling out her phone, scarlet nails tap out a text and hit send with that little swoosh. My own phone has been making constant vibrations all evening, but knowing it’s Phoenix who has been blowing up my phone, I put off looking at my notifications. He’d taken a last minute trip away at an incredibly inappropriate time, giving me brief replies to text messages and ignoring my calls. That was probably fuel to the fire that raged inside me lately, it was just incredibly unfortunate I felt so vulnerable near this time of year.
“Wren is an arsehole! Why do you want to see him? He just told some sleaze that we needed to proposition ourselves just to grace his presence!” Well I didn’t think those words would be bursting from my lips this evening—it’s not even eleven.
