Everything was moreintense.
He found himself torn—yearning for‘the more’ that was promised that he was afraid of and just asdrawn to turn back and find the comfort he had known before—wherenothing of great importance ever disturbed hiscomplacency.
“The enemy of my enemy ismy friend,” he said finally.
She sent him a startled look and thencurled her lips in a facsimile of a smile that was not a truesmile. “Yes.”
He was angry when he left.
Because he knew she still looked uponhim as an enemy and he had given up everything for her.
* * * *
“She has asked that you goto her so that she can share with you what she shared with me,” Tausaid in a neutral voice.
Xi and Quan exchanged a longlook.
“I am not certain I wantit if it produces the change I have seen in you,” Xi saidbluntly.
“I will go!” Quan said atonce. “I would like the change.”
“That is the very reasonyou shouldnotgo!” Xi said tightly.
Quan stared at him as he consideredthat. “That makes no sense,” he responded finally.
“It makes perfectsense!”
“You cannot stop him if hewants enlightenment,” Tau said tightly. “It is hischoice.”
“But it is a badone.”
“How would you know?” Tauasked coolly.
“I know because I stillhave my wits—uncontaminated by sensory overload.”
“It is a state of being,”Tau said pensively. “It is not good or bad. It simply is. Granted,these beings came into existence in this way and we did not. Tothem it is an integral part of who and what they are. To us it is …merely a cloak—not a part of us. It will not make you turn—merelyaccepting it as part of yourself.”
“You were turned onlyyesterday and you have not been the same since,” Xi saidpointedly.
“I am not behaving thesame because I am not the same.”
Quan was fascinated. “This change ….What is like?”
Tau studied him. “It is like when wetook over the drones—except more. At first, it was difficult tocontrol because I had to focus on each thing to feel it and tooperate it. Now, it is like … I am melding with it. Soon, I think,I will be as they are.”
Quan rose and struck off toward themedical tent.
Xi stared after him, completelydumbfounded. “What was there in that to make him go to thewoman?”
Tau stared at Quan’s back, feelingripples of anger and possessiveness. “He wants mywoman.”
“You did not have to talkhim in to going,” Xi said tightly.
“I was not trying to,” Tauretorted angrily. “I do not even understand why Ultima thought Ishould offer it to the two of you. You do not need it. You arebetter off with no understanding and the detachment that you areable to maintain. I have no detachment any longer. I am veryattachedto her.I have been thinking mating thoughts.” He frowned. “I think theyare mating thoughts—though now I am not certain. Perhaps it is sexthoughts? The more I touch her, the better I like it and the morethings I think I would like to do. I think that is sexual. I havebeen thinking them since I put my mouth on hers to give her water.Although, at the time I did not know it was a mouth. Now, I knowall of the parts and what they are called ….”
Xi studied him for a moment and got upand headed toward the tent.
“Fuck!” Tau snarled anddiscovered there was a sense of uplifting that the word, utteredforcefully, gave him.
