"It would be ... interesting to explore and mayhap we will have the opportunity, but I have grave doubts that that will be the case. As soldiers we have lived each day with the possibility that it will be our last. I fear we will see many more of those days before we find a place for ourselves--a place where we might have the peace to explore the wonderful gift of life with some surety that we will have tomorrows, as well, but then again that is all the more reason to enjoy what we can while we may."
He turned to look at her again. "Within reason and so long as it does not induce a lack of caution or a breakdown of discipline or morale."
Danika nodded. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."
"You're dismissed, Captain."
Danika was too focused on her embarrassment as she made the climb down to think about the other things Reuel had said, but as she reached the camp area again and looked around for her squad the rest of it began to tumble around in her mind.
She had been in the habit ever since she'd been inducted into the military to simply do what she was told and look to the future when she would be released and allowed to return home. She'd known there was a possibility that she might be killed in action and never go back, but she'd refused to dwell on that possibility. She hadn't foreseen any other situation that would make that impossible.
It occurred to her abruptly, though, that she hadn't had more than a vague idea of what she would do with her life when and if shedidget the chance to go back. She'd figured she would find someone to settle with, a life partner, and build a homestead like her parents had--have children. But there hadn't been anyone special in her life when she'd left, no one to yearn for, no one to picture at her side as she built the life her parents had for herself.
She supposed that was why she hadn't been devastated when it had been borne in upon her that she couldn't go back--the fact that she hadn't lost a dream because she'd never really had one. She also hadn't really accepted that she would never get the chance to see her family again. Even with everything that had happened, she'd carefully avoided acknowledging the impossibility of it.
She couldn't accept that now, but the likelihood that she would make it home again, see the family she'd left behind, dimmed even more.
She shook the thought off, unwilling to deal with it until and unless she had to and, the gods willing, it wasn't something she would have to accept in the near future.
Maybe, she thought, she would eventually find a way and if not time would allow her to accept it without the suffocating sense of loss that threatened every time she thought of her home and family?
In any case, the seed Reuel had planted when he'd spoken of a place and a future had found fertile ground.
* * * *
Seth was confused and angry. He was not entirely certain of why he felt that way and that only deepened the sense of ... injury.
He was not particularly pleased when he managed to untangle yet another emotion from the roiling mass that seemed to be building inside of him toward explosion rather than dissipating. Because he was not certain of why he would feel injured anymore than he understood why he was angry and felt both hollow in his gut and at the same time so filled with wildly divergent and powerful, if unidentifiable, emotions that he felt like he could not contain them long without exploding.
He wanted--needed--to do something violent, he finally decided, looking around somewhat hopefully for a possibility of venting. When he did, he discovered that both Dane and Niles were looking at him in a way that provoked him even more.
"What?" he growled. "You have a problem?"
It was too much for Dane. It was bad enough that he had lain awake listening while Seth sexed Danika as he had been longing to do ever since he had finally managed to decipher the urge that made his mind turn to mush every time he looked at Danika! It was bad enough that he had scarcely slept at all afterward for the pain in his groin and the images that kept his mind alive and his body restless! But to be snarled at by the very bastard that had taken what he had wanted was the outside of enough! He swung at him with every intention of taking his head off of his shoulders.
Seth ducked at the last second, infuriating him further.
"Not here!" Seth growled. "We will end in the brig and then there will be no one to guard Danika's back!"
"I do not think that it was herbackthat you were guarding in the shower last eve!" Niles snarled.
Seth made the mistake of grinning at Niles provokingly.
Dane used his distraction to trip him. Seth double-stepped, trying to regain his balance, and Niles kicked his other foot out from under him. He slammed into the ground hard enough he skidded nearly a yard and Niles and Dane exchanged a look of satisfaction. "You should watch your step," Dane cautioned. "The ground is treacherous here."
"It was not thegroundthat tripped me!" Seth snapped furiously.
"It looked that way to me," Dane retorted.
"I thought so," Niles seconded him.
Seth glared at both of them and stalked off into the jungle. He was waiting for them perhaps fifty yards beyond the base perimeter. Leaping out from the cover of a tree when they were almost even with him, he managed to slug both of them hard enough to set them back on their heels. Uttering a roar of rage, Dane, who recovered first, charged him, slamming into him hard enough that his weight and momentum carried both of them several yards further before they crashed into the undergrowth. Seth managed to twist as they fell so that they landed side by side rather than with Dane on top as he'd intended. They wrestled for dominance for several moments and Seth managed to gain the upper hand. Straddling Dane, he began pounding at his face with his fists. Dane tried to catch Seth's flying fists, but since the first blow had split the skin above Dane's eye, he was too blinded by the blood for that to be effective. When he discovered he couldn't manage more than blocking one out of three punches, he began pounding his fists against Seth's sides and trying to buck him off.
After a few moments of watching, Niles stepped forward and slugged Seth on the jaw, toppling him off of Dane. Dane immediately scrambled to his feet, scrubbed an arm across his face to clear his vision and charged Seth again. Seth managed to get to his feet just in time to catch Dane's head in his belly. It knocked the breath from him. His feet flew out from under him and he hit the ground--rolling.
Dane dove at him and only managed to plow the ground where Seth had been moments before. Regaining his feet before Dane could, Seth aimed several well placed kicks at Dane's belly as he pushed himself to his hands and knees, kicking him hard enough to lift him from the ground with each blow.
A roar of rage reminded Seth that Niles still waited impatiently in the wings to kick his ass. Even as he turned to meet the new threat, Niles slammed into him. They hit the ground together, plowing up several feet of vegetation before they stopped. Niles, on top, managed to rear up far enough to slug Seth in the face several times before Seth threw him off.
