"Gio!" he gasps. "That's vintage!"
"You think I stole cheap shit?"
He laughs, then puts Lulu gently aside and shifts to sit closer to me. "You're ridiculous."
There's a pause. I should leave it there. Joke, flirt, deflect. It's what I'm good at. But…something in his eyes makes the usual instinct feel…wrong.
"I wanna show you something," I say quietly.
Rava raises a brow. "What?"
"I don't know. I just—fuck." I run a hand through my hair. "I've never shown anyone this. But I want you to see it. No jokes this time."
He nods once, immediately serious.
I get up, but then I sit back down again. My brain won't shut the fuck up. I should probably keep my mouth shut. That's how I've survived this long.
But my head keeps circling back to that one thought. He doesn't know shit about me. He knows the funny stuff, the cocky, loud, "I don't give a fuck" Gio, the one that jokes, fights, and flirts.
He doesn't know about the box. That ugly beat-up thing at the back of my closet, taped on the edges, full of all the shit I should've burned a long time ago.
Proof I wasn't just some loud-mouthed kid hanging around the wrong people, I wasin it. If anyoneeverwants to bury me, they wouldn't even have to dig very far.
What if I show him?
I scoff at myself internally. Genius move.
"Hey Ravioli, since I just almost broke your spine, here's a fun little felony scrapbook for you to flip through!"
For some reason, post-sex, my brain goes soft in ways I hate. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and regret even thinking about it. Maybe I should just shut up and enjoy the fact that I haven't ruined this yet.
But the thought doesn't leave.
Show him. Show him. Show him.
I swallow. Can I even trust him with it? Like fully, actually trust him? If one day he wakes up and decides he's had enough of my shit, what then?
What if he gets tired?
What if he hates me?
What if we break the way everything else in my life breaks, and he walks away with a loaded gun worth of information he can hand over with a pretty little bow?
He'd destroy me without even meaning to. I don't know. I don't fucking know. But then another thought hits, quieter.
What if he doesn't?
What if he never uses it?
What if hehearsit,knowsit,seesit, and stays?
For some reason, with him, it feels like maybe this is the first time I could actually share it. Maybe it is a sign. Or maybe I'm just being reckless again. Either way, the need won't shut up.
I'll risk it. If I lose because of this, maybe I deserve it. Maybe I've been playing with the fire long enough.
5) It Hurts
Gio
