As soon as the door clicks and Rava’s shadow is gone, I collapse. Everything I’ve kept shoved down comes pouring out. I sit on the floor, pull my knees up, fists tangled in my hair, my face already wet and burning.
Why didn’t I burn the box?
Whythe fuckdidn’t I burn that box?
I knew. I knew it was a risk. I knew it was a fucking liability. And I still kept it. Like a fucking idiot, thinking I’m untouchable. And look what happened.
Rava. Fucking Rava. Theonegood thing I’ve ever had in my life. The one thing I didn’t want to destroy.
The softest, kindest, brightest soul. The one who believes in me. Who trusts me. Sleeps in my bed. Laughs at my dumb jokes.
And what did I do?
I nearly got him dragged away by the fucking police. I made him hide like a criminal. He’s bleeding, shaking, hyperventilating, and I wasn’t even there. I can’t even protect him when it matters. What the fuck kind of man does that make me?
Why didn’t I get rid of it? Why didn’t I listen to myself? Why did I bring him into my mess, into my rotting past? Because I’m a fucking idiot. Because I got greedy. Because I got selfish. I wanted to keep him. I thought maybe I can have something normal.
Something good. And now look. He could’ve been taken.
Could’ve had a record. A future ruined. A life shattered. And all for what? For me?
God, I hate myself for this. He risked everything for a box I was too much of a coward to destroy. I should’ve handled it. But instead he did.
Because I was too busy smiling at cops and pretending I’m in control while the person I love most in this fucking world was falling apart alone. He had a panic attack in my arms and the only thing I could think is,please don’t leave me.
Like I have any fucking right to ask that from him.
He deserves peace.
He deserves to feel safe when he wakes up. To laugh, to chase dreams, to hold hands with someone without looking over his shoulder. And instead, he’s hiding on my fucking balconybehind rolled-up rugs, clutching a box that could ruin my life. And his.
Because I let him in. And now he’s hurt. And scared.
And still too fucking kind to blamemefor it. Lulu jumps into my lap without a sound, like she knows I need her. I hold her close, press my face into her soft fur. "There you are," I whisper.
"My little sunshine." She gives a tiny sneeze, then curls into me. "You didn’t ask for any of this, huh? Just wanted cuddles and snacks and naps in the sun." I kiss her head gently. "I’m so sorry you had to hear yelling. You didn’t deserve that, baby." She looks up at me. "I promise I’ll make things quiet again. For you. And for him."
She licks my hand and I smile through the sting in my eyes. "Yeah. I love you too, fuzzball."
Knock. I freeze. Rava.
I shoot up, wipe my face, slap my cheeks, force myself to breathe. I have to look okay. Have to look strong. He can’t see this. Not after what he went through.
I open the door. Smile. He’s smiling too, holding a huge bag in one hand. That smile flickers the second his eyes meet mine.
"You okay?" he asks immediately, searching my face.
I nod. "Now, yeah." I glance at the bag. "What is all that?" He smiles again,, lifting the bag a little. "You’ll see. I have a really good idea. But first, we clean the house."
We start picking things up in silence, tossing broken pieces into a trash bag, folding crumpled clothes, lifting books from the floor.
"Gio?"
"Rava?"
He smiles. "I’m glad I was the reason you’re safe. I’m really happy right now."
Happy. This man just had a panic attack in my arms, bled while being hidden, went through God knows what next door, and now he’s here picking up my broken stuff telling me he’s happy.
