"Is Lorenzo there?" he snaps.
"No?"
"Good. Tell that greasy bastard to check the reels I sent him RIGHT NOW or I'm buying a one-way ticket just to beat his ass with a sandal."
I laugh. "Amazing. Truly. Missed you too."
"Awww," he says, softly. "Sorry, my dramatic little affection sponge. I missed you so much I could eat drywall."
"I—what?"
"Anyway, pause that thought. Rava, you will NOT believe who Sophia's dating." I freeze mid-scoop. "I'm scared."
"You should be."
"I don't know if I want to know. I'm too mature to care about stuff like th—"
"My brother."
I stop. Just stare at Lulu. "WHAT?!"
He immediately bursts into fake sobbing over the phone. "Bro. She's with Dylan! She said he has a good heart! A fucking good heart, Rava! I'm gonna kill myself!"
"Are you serious?!"
"Deadass. I told him she was a cheating ass whore and this man says, and I quote, 'maybe I can change her.' MAYBE I CAN CHANGE HER."
I sit back, scoop still in hand. "Okay. I actually feel brain cells die."
"I hope she cheats on him," he sniffles. "I hope she cheats on him so I can walk up to the altar and say 'I TOLD YOU SO' with cannons. Made of red flags."
"You are so unbelievably unwell."
"Wait," I say, shifting the phone. "I'm putting you on video so I can prop you on the floor. This is hard with one hand."
"You just wanna see my pretty face again, don’t you," Noah says smugly. "Admit it. You missed me."
"Shut up, you clingy bitch." I flip the camera and set him on the floor beside me, next to a new bag of litter. Lulu is sitting there too, regal as hell. I look at her.
"For such a pretty and well-groomed cat," I mutter, "your litter box is fucking disgusting."
"Wait wait wait," Noah cuts in. His face zooms in too close on the screen. "Where are you right now?" I grin. "Gio's place."
He freezes. "And what exactly are you doing there?" he asks slowly. I shrug, casually scooping. "Cleaning Lulu's litter box. Gio's coming back soon."
Noah immediately starts laughing like crazy.
"What?" I frown at the screen. "What's so funny?"
"Bro," he says, pointing into the camera. "That's marriage. This is domestic. You're cleaning his cat's shit. In his shirt." I look up at the ceiling. Shit. My cheeks are definitely turning red.
Noah squints. "Wait. Were you about to fold his laundry next? Were you gonna sweep the floors too? Don't lie to me, Rava."
I stay silent.
"Oh my god," he whispers. "You were."
"I hate you."
