“Hey, sailor,” she calls out, a tease in her southern lilt.
Her husband’s eyes snap up to hers in aninstant, the man is whipped and whipped good.
Has he ever been a sailor? No. The only water the man’s ever been on is the Heights River that runs through this very property.
Do I want to know why she calls him that inthattone of voice? Also no. Some shit is just not my business.
Gracie mouths something at her husband, and even though the words are silent, the movements of her lips and tongue are so exaggerated I get a very clear picture of what she’s suggesting.
Ronnie’s hand dips to his fly and he readjusts himself, winking at her, and I roll my eyes.
Surrounded by three couples in sickening amounts of love is just too many. One, I could do. Two, that was pushing it, but I tried. Three, now that Weston and Amelia seem to be joining the club… I’ve met my limit.
“Save it for the afterparty,” I tell them both, pointing to my mouth like I’m gagging.
“I thought you don’t have a gag reflex?” Ronnie calls back to me across the short distance, entirely too loud.
My eyes narrow on the girl who’s been my best friend since before I ever learned that little fact the fun way and I hiss at her.
“It wasn’t me!” she says, eyes round.
“Oh, please,” Ronnie scoffs. “That’s something half the town has known since the naughties, Lex. But nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m sure your sister wishes she didn’t have one, eh, Rory?”
Because Ronnie never knows when to shut the fuck up, he leans over and taps the front of Wyatt’s pants with the back of his hand in a light slap, and the entire group goes still as Wyatt freezes for just a moment. Then he lunges for Ronnie, and the two of them take off around the yard, Ronnie screaming as his best friend tries to murder him. Ronnie’s kids laugh louder and louder as their dad runs for his life.
“How—” Wyatt yells the word in between panting breaths, “many—” he stops, picks up a rock, and throws it at Ronnie, hitting him in the ass and stopping his getaway. “—times?”
“So sensitive!” Ronnie falls to the ground, clutching his ass, and rolls around. “If I had a dick like that, I’d show it off!”
“Stop trying to show mine off!” Wyatt thunders, andnoneof us onlookers try to hold back the laughter.
“The man is obsessed,” I murmur as Gracie and I watch on.
Us locals aren’t ones to look up a gift horse’s ass. Free entertainment is free entertainment.
“He acts like his ain’t just fine on its own,” she says, tsking and shaking her head side to side. “Some of us don’t want twelve-inchers. Some of us are happy with seven.”
My head tilts from side to side, non-committal.
“Or six.”
I freeze.
“Or five inches.”
My side eye comes out to stare, and we’re definitely judging now. She can speak for herself.
Gracie’s jaw drops as she gasps, and she turns to face me.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re so good at getting out of the question, Lex! I’d almost think you were the attorney in the family, not your sister. You gonna answer the question?”
My cheeks pull up in what’s hopefully a terrifying approximation of a smile. It’s all lip, no eyes.
“Is it going that bad at the diner?” Gracie nudges me with her elbow, trying to soften me up the way very few can.
Ronnie’s screams drift across the landscape to us along with the welcome breeze on this warm day. The sounds of my sister chatting in a low voice with Amelia and Weston (completely disregarding the freak show on the lawn), and the children laughing are the only other sounds aside from the rustle of so many leaves surrounding us. If I had an iced coffee in hand, it would be just about a perfect early summer day.
