The point is, I want to be with Kayla, and I want her to know it. I want both of them to know it. So tonight, they’ll officially meet.
While Kayla and I have been dating for about six weeks this time, we were together for a good four months or so before, until we broke up. I don’t even remember why. I’m pretty sure we said generic shit likewe need to see who we are without each other, andmy filming schedule is so busy, it’s not fair to you. I dunno. It was bullshit, whatever it was. After being away from her for all that time, I realized how good I’d had it with her. Someone I had fun with, who I had great sex with. Chemistry, laughter, all the things that are supposed to make a relationship last, right?
Yeah, we had minor issues with her being wary of my closeness with Gemma, and I feel like there was something else that helped split us apart, too, but fuck if I can remember what it was. Must not have been that big of a deal. But since she slid back into my DMs, it’s like that time apart didn’t even count. It feels like we’ve been together this whole time. I didn’t really fool around with anyone else during that time, and maybe that’s part of it. She’s the only girl I’ve been with in close to a year. It feels like forever. But now it’s like we’re picking up where we left off, with six months of absence to make the heart grow fonder.
Things have been hotter than ever between us. We’ve hooked up almost every day for the last month, and she’s been down for phone sex those nights I couldn’t make it over. Come to think of it, last night might’ve been the first time I haven’t gotten off in weeks, andthat’sprobably why I had the unmanageable chub from hell this morning.
I let out a literal sigh of relief at the realization, instantly feeling better, finding the reason for the bizarre morning, my guilty conscience.
I remember how disappointed she was when I told her I was gonna hang with Gem last night and I’d see her today instead. That cute little pout she gave me. Maybe she had a point. These Sunday night hangouts might not be a great idea now that I’ve got a steady girlfriend. I should be with my girl instead, right?
In fact, I wonder if Kayla can swing by my trailer for a quickie in between shots this afternoon? I should text her. And then add her to the approved visitors list with security so we can do this more often, now that the cat’s out of the bag.
Yeah. Seeing Kayla is a good plan. Screwing her is an even better one. That’ll make this shit right again. I give myself a mental high five at the genius plan, ’cause I deserve it.
Jane finally reemerges on set, looking a little paler than usual, but nothing the holy trinity of makeup, lighting, and postcan’t fix up. I shoot her a reassuring grin as she slowly makes her way back toward our places, and shake my head and bounce in place to get back in the zone.
This morning had nothing to do with theotherher.I hope if I keep repeating it, I’ll eventually believe myself.
FOUR
GEMMA
I don’t know why it tookthisto drive it home for me. It should’ve been clear to me years ago that there’s never been any interest in me as anything beyond his friend, but I kept holding out hope. Kept that flame alive, thinking surely after his next one-night stand, his next failed date, his next brutal breakup, he’d realize that it’s me he’s been trying to find all along.
But he never does. I just get to see his latest conquest in the pages ofUs Weeklyand sob into my pillow about it after I spend my days around him, pretending I didn’t notice the article, or that I’m happy for the impressive notches in his belt.
But hearing him say he thinks she might be the one, that did it.
That broke me.
That blew out the flame I’ve kept alight since my sexual awakening around the age of fourteen.
Message received, loud and clear.
It’s all I’ve been able to think about today.
Years of mental ping-pong as to whether or not he wants me. Months of convincing myself this spark between us was building, brewing, that I wasn’t the only one who felt it. That he might be ready to consider taking the next step with me. Weeksof bolstering my confidence. All of which culminated in my utterly embarrassing grinding on the couch, in my sleep-hazed state, only to have him push me to the ground before telling me he’s met the one.
I blame the dream I had for my reckless and shameless action this morning. Mortification isn’t a strong enough word to describe my current feelings about making a move on my verytakenbest friend. I can only be thankful he hasn’t brought it up since, but I need to be prepared for it if he does.
Maybe I can pretend I was still asleep?
You called his name, you fuckwit.
Maybe he didn’t notice?
In my sleepy, confused state, I thought I imagined his fingers drifting along my stomach, like he was as desperate for the contact as I was. What I would’ve done for those fingers to drift just a little bit farther south, just this morning.
Now I want to cut them off and jam them up his ass.
Seriously. How was I supposed to know he had a freaking girlfriend?
They’ve apparently been back together for six weeks! I feel pretty stupid for having missed that. We spend about thirteen hours a day together most days, though I guess I’m realizing we’ve been more distant than I thought. And he has been weird about his phone once or twice recently.
But still. I woke up with his arm around my waist, his hand on my bare skin, and his very aroused dick pressed into me. What the fuck was I supposed to think? That’s not exactly the international code forI’m taken, sweetheart.
And while I’m on the Aaron-bashing train, fuck him for that dig about not wanting to rub it in my face. Like I’m so damn pathetic in my perpetual single state that he doesn’t want to risk setting me off by sharing that someone else on this planet is getting laid regularly.
