When his eyes move down to my lips, and his own are no more than a flash away from their destination, common sense slams back into me, and I turn my head away from him with exactlynotime to spare, and his soft, inviting lips land on my left cheek instead of their intended target.
The warmth stuns me, the open press of his mouth against my flesh—and is that a brush of histongue?—causes my stomach to flip inside my torso, but in a blink everything else is rapidly overpowered by the feeling of betrayal. My innards turn to liquid, a violent, turbulent sea within me as rage builds.
The cool kiss of air greets the warmth of my cheek where his mouth was just a second before as he pulls back to stare down at me.
He looks genuinely confused, almost hurt by my reaction. “I thought…I thought this was what you wanted?”
“What about me dating Spencer for the last few months says I want you to touch me, Aaron? To make a move on me?” I’m practically screaming out of my frustration, and with how out of breath I am from being this worked up, the words leave me panting for air, my chest heaving against his where our bodies are joined. “Was it when you tried to make a move the other night, right in front of our fucking dates, and I almost kicked you out of my lifeforever? Was that when you thought I was asking for this? Or was it when you promised me you wouldn’t do it again before I let you in tonight?”
“Alex said…” his voice trails off weakly, clearly having no idea what the fuck he was going to say to me beyond trying to get in my pants. No endgame in sight beyond a wet dick and three broken relationships.
Even worse, he’s still as fucking blind as ever. He didn’t even realize what could’ve been between us at all. Someone else had to point out to him that there might be something there? Whatever nugget of truth he got out of Alex, I’m dying to know, but that’s not my priority right now. My priority right now is for him to fuckoff. He has no right to throw a fucking live grenade into my happiness. Twice.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame. On. Me.
Both of my hands come up from my sides, shoving at his shoulders as hard as I possibly can, and he stumbles back a step, looking genuinely befuddled at my lack of enthusiasm for hishorriblytimed move. The puppy dog eyes that have endeared me for years are only pissing me the fuck off this time.
Why. Why is it NOW that he decides to give us a shot, to see me as the woman I am and not the girl he grew up with?
He didn’t ever want me until he saw someone else did. That’s the truth of it. And I can’t trust whatever horse shit he spews at me now, no matter how much I might’ve wished for some iteration of this moment over our lives.
“Was she wrong?” his voice is barely above a whisper, and I know I can’t lie to him. Not outright. I’ve been lying to him about my feelings through omission for as long as I can remember. But I need to give him what’s on my mind this time.
“No.”
“Then what is it?” He lifts his arms and then drops them in irritation, like I’m the one who makes no goddamn sense right now.
The sarcasm tears out of me before I can stop it, and I don’t think I even want to right now. “What is it? What the fuck is it? I just told you, motherfucker. You have a GIRLFRIEND, Aaron. One who you told me you thought was the fucking ONE FOR YOU.”
His throat works, like he’s itching to deny what I’m saying, but he doesn’t get the chance.
“You said that.” I jab a finger toward his chest, not getting close enough for contact. “Like a few months ago, you said that. And then you set fire to us.”
His jaw is locked tightly shut, but his nostrils flare as he takes a pained breath in, and I see his chest expand with it.
“Or, how about this? I have a boyfriend. One who’s fucking good to me. Who didn’t need someone else to open his eyes to who I am, what we could be together. He saw me on his own.”
His mouth opens at that, and he can deny it all he wants, but we both know he never even considered that I’m a grown ass woman until he saw the way Spencer looks at me, the way he treats me.
I deserve someone who recognizes me for me. Spencer does. Aaron never has, not fully. He had me in a box, one that was penned in and clearly labeledfriend zone, do not bang.
His face is turned to the floor, his posture more dejected than I’ve seen it in a long time. He pulls his eyes up to meet mine, and I think I must be dreaming when I hear the words that come out of his lips.
“Break up with him.” His voice is so quiet, it’s like he doesn’t even believe in what he’s saying, and I could kick him in the dick right now for choosingthistime in my life, when I’m finally fucking happy, to turn everything on its head so he can have what he wants. Like I haven’t sacrificed everything I fucking am for his happiness for our entire lives. And the dam on my restraint has been broken.
The feminine laugh that reaches my ears is colder than any sound I’ve made to him before, but I mean every note of it. It’s the sound of someone who is certain of who she is and what she’s about. And she knows bullshit when she hears it.
“Break up with him? For you? The man I’ve spent my ENTIRE life following like a fucking puppy? The one who’s treated me like a kid sister, an employee, a friend, but never once even considered romantically in the dozen years we’ve seen each other daily? That’s the smart move here, according to you, huh? Just leave the first man I have a real chance at a future with, and risk absolutely everything for you, yet again? The guy I’ve been in love with since before you even landed your first commercial, but somehowI’mthe liar between us, when you’ve never even looked at what lies between us? At least I’ve been honest with myself, Aaron. At least I haven’t been lying to my fucking self.”
My chest heaves, eyes aflame after letting loose the frustration I’ve withheld from him for months, maybe longer. He says nothing for a moment, eyes downcast once more, hands shoved in his pockets, his ass leaning against the back of thecouch in the small space. When he does speak, his voice is low, soft, and he’s focusing on the entirely wrong part of my little speech. “You’re in love with me?”
“Was, Stone. Was. But you made it clear that what you wanted wasn’t me, so I moved on.” I flip my hands up in the air, gesturing at him. “All of this is because you can’t stand not getting your way, nothing more. And seeing someone else appreciate me for everything you never could is just too much for you now. You just have to want what you can’t have, don’t you, Stone? Why couldn’t you have left us alone? We were getting back to where things were. We were FINE!”
His chin lifts until he’s staring me down, his confidence back. “You never even told me how you feel, Gem. You never even gave me a chance to consider it before. Now that I kn—fuck, Gem, I can’t unseeusnow. There’s no going back for me.”
Silence falls, as my heart is firmly lodged in my throat and I try to reconcile the scene in front of me with what I had come to accept as my fate with this man. Part of getting over him meant recognizing that I wouldn’t ever hear these words from him, making peace with that, and this divergence from the plan I’d settled for, the way he’s giving me hope and taking it away over and over again is cracking something deep within me.
At his next words, I can’t remain silent.
