My breaths come faster, panic rushing through every cell in my body, and my heart flutters even faster in my chest as I hear distinctive footsteps approaching me.
Footsteps I’ve heard on every material under the sun and then some. Concrete, carpet, tile, wood, dirt, sand, shag, marble, even rhinestones (one photo shoot where the creative director did a play on his last name).
I’d never mistake those steps for anyone but the guy who I used to consider my best friend.
Without moving my head from the wall behind me, my eyes fly down to zero in on him, every bit of rage I’m capable of possessing trained on him and only him. The look on his face would’ve made me need a change of underwear had thisbeen four months ago. Four years ago.Anyother time than when we’re both in happy relationships. It’s a look I’ve only ever imagined until tonight, and I realize that my imagination is a weak, weak thing, unable to do it a shred of justice. That realization pisses me off even more, as does his silence. He’s still just fuckingwatchingme. So I break that silence for both of us, going on the attack.
“What thefuckare you doing, Stone? Did you think I was Spencer? Trying to have a dick measuring contest and hope that gets you out of your little fucking tantrum bullshit mood you’ve been in and out of for the past few months?” My upper lip curls into a sneer. “I’ll save you the effort. He’s definitely bigger.”
He stalks closer to me still, an amused expression on his face, and my nostrils flare as I struggle to take deep enough breaths. My traitorous body is still responding to his, and I’m so fucking confused, tears start to spring, singing the backs of my eyes and the bridge of my nose.
“You have no idea what I’m working with, Gem. But I like that you’ve been thinking about it.” The confidence in his voice borders on arrogance and I have no idea what to make of this side of the man I’ve stood by through so much of life. His behavior lately has been concerning, but whatever he is doing tonight is just unconscionable.
The only conclusion my wasted little heart can come to is that maybe he’s finally seen what I knew for so long. That we could be amazing if we unleashed all of ourselves on one another. Took down those final barriers keeping us from being each other’s everything.
I fuckinghatethat my insides swarm with hope at the thought. I should be nauseous, disgusted with both of us. But instead, my stomach floats up to my heart, suspended near the dream I’ve held there for so long.
Self-loathing has never been so far-reaching, so sharply acute, within me in my entire life. Not when I couldn’t get Aaron’s face out of my mind at the most inappropriate of times. Not when I sabotaged Barb McMahon’s dress the day I heard she was about to ask Aaron to the freshman Sadie Hawkins dance and what I did made her hide for the rest of the day in the girls’ bathroom, crying. Not even when I ignored a DM he got from someone I can’t name for legal purposes, someone I never could’ve competed with for his affection, but trust me when I say if he knew that she’d reached out? That I’d left her on read…yikes.
But I have to know. If he’s finally realized what he’s been blind to all this time, I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t at least hear him out. I need to know. For the love of God, I need answers, need him to start talking.
He’s stopped just a foot away from me now, and his eyes are raking me over in a way that I can almostfeel, like a brush of warmth across my bare skin, and even the bits that are covered. My eyes roam down my own body quickly, making sure it’s just my mind, and he didn’t actually graze my nipples just now. Nope, it’s just the hard peaks scraping against the rough, woven, silky fabric of this damned dress as I struggle to inhale deeply.
I could almost swear that his eyes are focused on my hem, what lies right underneath of it. The realization sends a rush of butterflies through my middle, and a flood of heat straight to my core.
I had such high hopes for tonight, but this is rapidly turning into either the best or the worst night of my life. What he says next will determine which.
This feeling of confliction is so unsettling. My stomach turns in disgust, revulsion, even as butterflies continue to race through me. The possibility that he might actually return those feelingsI’ve harbored for so long moves from the distant horizon to the very near, very tangible, possibly immediate, future.
Even if he has seen the light, had a come-to-Jesus, his execution wasterribleto say the least. But we could be worth it. We could be worth any price, any path it takes to get where we were always supposed to end up. I just need him to tell me what he’s thinking, because I’m going fucking insane coming up with my own versions of his truth.
“Seriously, Aaron. What are you doing?”
My entire existence hangs in that breath of silence between us.
He reaches out, closing the remaining space between us, and takes a chunk of my hair between two of his fingers, feeling it for himself. My eyes flutter shut as he leans in, inhaling deeply, breathing me in, as his scent washes over me, enveloping me in its familiar warmth. I’ve had to stop myself from buying his body wash for aromatherapy purposes more than once this summer. Maybe I should’ve done it, anyway. Maybe I won’t need to now.
“Just like I remembered. Fuck, you’re so sweet, Gem.”
I’m losing the strength to push him back, but Ineedthis to be done the right way, if this is going to happen at all.
Spencer’s smiling face greets me behind my closed lids, and my resolve strengthens. I can not do wrong by him. That’s not who I am. My eyes pop open, and I push a hand against his chest, pressing him back from me, out of the danger zone.
“Aaron.” I try again.
“Yeah, baby?”That fucking tone.
My knees go weak and nearly give out. My resolve, however, does not. “What, in God’s name, do you think you’re doing?”
His left hand reaches out, trailing up and down my right arm with the softest touch, practically a whisper, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I want to be close to you, Gem,I’ve missed you.” His eyes hold mine, a brief pause before he continues earnestly. “You know I need you.”
My eyes slam shut again at those words from him.He needs me.That part of me that will always put his needs first screams to let him in. To give him whatever he needs.
“You’ve never wanted to be this close to me until someone else did.” I force the words out, trying to plumb the depths of his confession, to get to the bottom of his truth.
He heaves out a deep exhalation, stepping back from me. Cool air rushes in to replace the warmth of his body, and I welcome the fresh perspective that distance allows. I gulp down air that isn’t tainted with his signature scent, air that doesn’t taste like betraying the man I came here with.
“Look. I don’t know, okay?” He runs his hand through his light brown hair, mussing it up as that curled hand pulls at the roots toward the back of his head. “I just know you with him isn’t right.”
