Why am I noticing her fucking lips, you absolute dipshit.
The mental reprimand helps and my eyes focus back on hers again, which finally come back to me.
“I started working at the library last month.” She says it shyly, like it’s not something to be proud of.
“That’s so cool, Gem! So you’re a librarian? That’s the fucking dream for a book nerd, no?”
Her eyes darken, narrowing at me briefly before she sinks back into herself again. “No, I’m not a librarian. That actually takes like degrees, and a shitload of school. Which I don’t have.”
That one cuts deeper, knowing it’s my fault she never graduated. But it’s not like she was studying to become a librarian anyway, she hadn’t even picked out her real major, ffs!
Still. We were in a different place when we decided she should drop out and come work with me. Neither of us could foresee a future for us where our lives weren’t entirely intertwined. But now she’s out there in the world, without me, and her options are limited because ofme. The guilt of it stings in a way I’m not used to feeling, and I don’t fucking like it.
“I’m a library technician. A library assistant. You know, the role I’m delegated to in life. The one you said I sucked at.”
There’s an awful lot of venom in her words, and it pierces something in my chest, leaving me feeling likeI’mthe poison.
“Gem—” I start, but she holds up a hand, looking resigned.
“I shouldn’t have said that.” The way her voice sounds… I hate it.
“No,Ishouldn’t have said any of that. Look, I’ve had a lot of realizations since you’ve been gone. Since I’ve been gone. Can we…can we just talk for a second?”
She crosses her arms over her stomach, then holds one hand up to me as if to saywhat does it look like we’re doing?I can’t help but smirk at her sass, she’s still my Gem despite the shit I pulled, and I love her for it.
“I, uh, I realize that I was a fucking asshole that day.”
“Mmm,” she humors me, and I know I need to get the rest out.
“There’s not much I can say to make that right. I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me as my assistant. I, uh, I’ve gone through a few of ’em since you left, and no one comes close to you.”
She rolls her eyes at that, and changes her stance, crossing her legs and dropping her arms.
“Anyway, I hope you don’t think being an assistant isn’t something to be proud of. Working in a library sounds like a dream for you, and I’m sure you’re making their lives so much easier. I’m pretty jealous, to be honest.”
Her eyes soften marginally, and I know she’s hearing what I’m saying.
“I’m sorry, Gem.” My hand reaches out to rub her arm, needing that contact between us to solidify my words.
“Thank you.” Her words are soft, and I can tell she means them.
“And happy belated birthday, by the way.”
“Yeah, I got your texts.”
Is it icy in here, or is it just me? I change the subject again, trying for something else.
“Oh my God, I forgot to tell you! Do you know what they call a bookworm in Romania?”
“Why would I know what they call a bookworm in a language I don’t know a single word of, Stone?”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes at her sassy ass, and I scoff at her. “It’s a figure of spee—nevermind.” I change course, mid sentence, getting back to my point. “A library mouse!”
Half a giggle erupts from her mouth, and I silently celebrate that I’m getting through to her.
“A library mouse?” She sounds incredulous, amused.
“Isn’t that perfect?”
