“Isn’t heold?” It’s all I can come up with in response, and even I know it sounds weak.
Her scoff is borderline condescending and I have to remind myself she’s not someone I want to piss off on this set. I physically bite my tongue to keep from going off any more on the subject, and try to take this time to analyze why the fuck I even care.
Shouldn’t I be happy she’s going to date someone decent? As her friend, aren’t I supposed to cheer her on when good things are happening to her?
This visceral response inside me is anythingbuthappy for her, and I need to cool my shit before I pull a dick move on Gem next time I see her.
Speaking of, where did she go? I need to know what’s going on with the film schedule, my upcoming travel, the other offer I was waiting on for another project for the year after next, and some errands she was getting done for me.
“He’s twenty-eight.” Before I can formulate anything offensive she speaks again. “Just likeme.”
Ugh. I hate when I can’t win with these two. I finally glance at my phone to see what I missed while we were filming and see that I have a string of messages from Kayla, now that I’ve given her the green light to text me freely since our relationship is no longer on the DL. Messages which Gemma surely saw, considering she knows my password and handles two thirds of what comes into my phone for me.
Kayla ??:
Hey sexy ??
Did you talk to her?
Will you let me know when it’s done?
Great.No chance she didn’t see that, and I’m sure she has questions. There’s only oneherKayla would be texting me about, and we all know it. Apparently I need to talk to Kayla even more about Gem, but it’s hard to explain how interconnected we are without giving the wrong idea. We’re together all day most days, she’s who I depend on for so many things in my life, like my food, shopping, venting, relaxation, and even my business decisions.
Would Kayla understand that Gem has had a key to my place since I got it? That as my assistant, she holds my phone for me over half the day and she answers most of my texts and emails for me? That she orders everything I buy, including my furniture, underwear, and even sometimes gifts for the girls I see? I realize that our relationship would look inappropriatelyclose to most, but it’s just that we’ve shared everything in life since we were about thirteen, and that’s never going to change. At least I hope not. She’s the only one I trust with anything personal in my life.
Forcing some distance in between us now, starting with getting the key back from her, is probably necessary to keeping a healthy relationship with my girlfriendandmy friend-slash-assistant as we evolve and age. But I don’t want Gem to think I don’t want her in my life. I just need to balance keeping thembothin my life.
Alex has already dismissed me, seeing me engrossed in my phone, and I exit the building and head into my trailer, deep in thought. I know relationships—especially in my line of work—aren’t alwayseasy. There’s probably not a girl out there who wouldn’t feel insecure about how much time Gem and I spend together, how close we are. It’s probably only fair to my girlfriend that I make more changes on that front, right?
I open the trailer door to find Gemma sitting on the couch, her feet propped on the coffee table. When she hears the door swing open and sees the shafts of sunlight come into the small, artificially lit space, her eyes meet mine and I know. She knows exactly what Kayla was asking for with those texts.
She reaches into her pocket without saying a word and pulls the single key out, clearly having already removed it from her key ring. Her eyes never leave mine as she slaps it down on the coffee table in front of her with a flat hand, before she stands and makes to get out of the trailer.
“Gem,” I say softly.
“Don’t worry about it,” she says quietly, her throat sounding slightly obstructed.
Her head faces the ground and we both don’t have words for what this means for us. The divide this is creating between the bond we’ve shared since I got to Atlanta. Since I started this life.
I clear my throat and try again. “This doesn’t change anything.”
A sad, almost sarcastic half smile appears on her face, and she looks back to me. “Everything is changing.” She sounds so sure, yet so quiet, chills break out along my arms. “But it’s okay. It’s for the best.” Her hollow tone doesn’t do much to convince me there’s any truth in either of those last statements.
Her eyes meet mine again, and she gives me a little elbow bump in greeting as she walks by and out the door. Like she’s trying to reassureme. And for some reason, I feel like the next time she walks through there, everything really will be different. And I don’t like the way that feels one bit.
EIGHT
GEMMA
Four years ago
If I want Aaron to notice me, it’s time to demand his attention.
I know he’s made comments about my body being prepubescent before, but surely he knows I have a pretty feminine figure these days, right? Even if I’ll never be thick, like the girls he usually goes for.
A deep sigh leaves me as I gaze into the mirror, wondering for the hundredth time if I can pull this look off. Terrified doesn’t begin to cover it. I am practically shaking from fear of being seen by anyone dressed like this, but especially byhim.
It’s not that I want to wear nothing but boyfriend jeans and loose, old tees. It’s just become a routine. What’s comfortable. What’s close to hand. And trying to dress in the styles I actually like feels like a really drastic change for some reason. So I’m kinda freaking.
