“Ha fucking ha,” I tell him dryly, pushing past his tall frame, getting clear of the assault dildo (or should I call it the dildo of mass destruction?) and into the living room. I nod with my chin at a couple of the guys, catch gazes with Olivia, hope she points those fuck-me eyes at someone else and fast or this night is gonna get awkward. At least it’s not just the four of us this time.
She’s pretty. All the girls here are. Three months ago, I would’ve described each and every one of them as my type. Now? My type is one out of several billion women on this planet. She’s thick, with hips I’ve dreamt way too much about at all the wrong moments, a chest that can make me forget how to draw anything but it. Legs I get to glimpse a peek of in all those dresses and skirts she wears, but I’d do some seriously questionable shit to see the rest of them, what’s between them. Long, long blonde hair, classically beautiful features. Timeless. Like something you would’ve seen on a calendar in the fifties or some shit. Given me a whole new kink I never knew I had. Needless to say, none of these girls are her.
I turn and face Mark again, my sardonic tone leaking disapproval into the exchange, coating the walls and the carpeted floor with how it seeps out of me. “Please tell me you bought that horse dick just for my special ass?”
I backtrack as soon as the words are out, but it’s too late. I attempt to recover smoothly with, “Wow, that sounded wrong.” Our friends are already dying of laughter, and there’s just no recovering from that one. The girls are on the camel brown leather couch, leaning against one another and absolutely howling into one another’s shoulders. The guys stand off to the side, by the glass doors that lead to the balcony, holding onto one another, trying to stay upright as they scream laugh.
Fucking children.
I let out another sigh, tilt my head back between my shoulder blades and ask the ceiling, whoever’s above it, why on Earth this is still my life, then try again. “Please tell me that’s brand new?” Another thought hits me. “And that no one can actuallyfitthat thing inside of them? That’s gotta be a novelty item, no?” My eyes finally land on the monstrosity, still jiggling in Mark’s hand as he whips it back up, splays it in front of all of our faces. If that’s my competition these days…why even play the game?
“Just because you’re hung like a white boy, Asher, doesn’t mean that’s all it takes to keep a girl happy. Some of 'em like a challenge. Wanna know what it’s like to be full. Isn’t that right?” He shoots a lewd wink at Sabrina, who blushes and giggles, turning into one of her friends to hide her face.
My eyes rollagain, but before I feel the need to defend myself, Olivia does it for me.
“Hey now. Asher might not be nine inches likesomepeople.” Olivia side eyes Mark, and his girl of the moment, both grinning (him cockily, her triumphantly). “But he’s mastered what he’s got. One of the best I’ve ever had.” She tacks that last bit on with a self-satisfied nod.
“And you’ve sampled enough of the local offerings that that endorsement really means something,” Talia cackles.
Olivia rolls her eyes, flips her dark hair over her shoulder. “Oh, like you haven’t. Fuck off.”
Sabrina jumps to Livvy’s defense. “Like you wouldn’t take whatever Asher’d fucking give you, you’re dying to know what all the fuss is about, bitch!” she shoots off back at Talia, joining the fray, and they all laugh together.
This is the thing about a long-term friend group. There are no secrets. Everyone knows what everyone else is working with, and your personal life is just public knowledge. It could’ve fucked with my head, knowing my best friend’s junk is alotbigger than what I was blessed with, hearing how the girls talk about us and all of our friends with no filter, but instead, I’ve taken to learning all the ways to use what I’ve got. Like Olivia said. My partners don’t complain. But is it the source of way too many jokes and conversations between us all? Yeah. Yeah it fucking is.
I’m starting to think we need some sort of safe word between us, something that gets them to shut up and leave a little bit of privacy—something that I can’t even remember what it feels like.
“Asher’s off the market tonight ladies,” Mark drawls, like he’s the MC at a fucking auction or something. Olivia pouts dramatically, that fat lower lip of hers turning down almost to her chin as she bats her eyes at me. “He’s on the rag, closed for business,” Mark mocks me, pointing at me with the dildo. “He’s got his panties all in a twist and doesn’t wanna play.”
Everyone in the room makes a different noise of dissent, disapproval. Boos, raspberries, curse words and name calling hammer my ears and I nod stoically at them all as one.
“Asher,” Olivia whines through her pout. “You haven’t been out to play in so long now,” she wheedles.
“That’s okay, hon!” Mark continues, eyes gleaming, looking from person to person, all the bodies taking up the available space in our living room. “You’ve got me, Tiny, and Jay here to keep you all company.”
Talia rolls her eyes, and Olivia keeps pouting, like she can tempt me with her doll-like features. Tiny got his name for a reason, and Jay has less than no game. The girls aren’t excited about those options. Not like I’ll be disappointed if they take their party elsewhere though, try to find better prospects for their Friday night fun, leave me the fuck alone.
It’s not that I don’t want to use my dick anymore, it’s that I’ve started looking at the long-term games I wanna play, not just the short-term ones anymore. And these girls we hang out with? Taking them to my bed? Trading orgasms? Sure, it’d be fun for an hour or two, but it’s not gonna get me any closer to the bed I want to be in night after night. They’re not gonna help me get closer to my own goals. That life I’ve started daring to envision for myself. And things have become clearer to me, now that I know what I want. Fucking around for a night no longer feels like temptation, but distraction. Saying no to my friends feels less like a betrayal, and more like I’m choosing where to spend my time. What sounds good to me.
“Let’s just give Asher and his toy some alone time, see if getting dicked down improves his mood a little.” Mark smirks at me, then tosses the comically large, horribly offensive thing onto my bed from where he stands at the doorway. Even from here, a good twenty or thirty feet from my bed, I can hear the thing flop off the mattress and smack onto the floor with a heavy thud. Can’t even imagine what that sounded like to our downstairs neighbor. I still don’t know if anyone’s DNA is on that thing, and now on my bed covers.Awesome.
“Maybe that thing can dislodge the giant stick up his ass while it’s up there!” Tiny howls at his own joke, and Mark slaps him with a high five in appreciation.
“You’d better use alotof lube, Ash,” Jay can barely get the words out through how hard he’s cracking up. “You’re gonna be awful tight back there with how clenched and uptight you’ve been lately. Might need to go slowly and work it in, inch by inch. I’m sure Olivia can help if you need it. She’s prolly got the same exact one at home to use after each time you leave.”
The entire room is laughing like a bunch of damn baboons, like these idiotsinventedcomedy with this back-and-forth bit.
My eyes widen in awkward discomfort, lips folded in over my teeth before I drop my head into one hand, shaking it with remorse. How did this night get so fucked in less than ten minutes? Two girls practically fighting for my dick, already took one to the face myself, and my roommate both has, and is, the biggest one of all, like it’s some badge of honor. Like no one would know he’s packing if he didn’t act like a total cock to prove it.
I take the out they’ve given me, grateful they aren’t forcing me to party when I’m not up for it, a half-hearted middle finger up in the air as I go back into my room and slam the door behind me.
I’m so fucking ready for the next phase of my life.
FOURTEEN
ELLIE
“Oh honey, you didn’t!” My mom’s simpering voice, overly, affectedly sweet, grates on my eardrums.
