While he was used to his counterpart acting grumpy, which had become a regular occurrence since a brutal betrayal over fifteen years ago had left both him and his bear somewhat jaded, he wasn’t used to the beast acting inconsolable.
His bear wanted one thing. And since Murphy refused to grant its request, it had become increasingly more violent toward him. He didn’t know of any other shifters who dealt with their own animal attempting to attack them, but since he’d abandoned his true mate, a human named Nessa, last seeing her over twomonths ago when she was resting in their clan’s hospital, his bear wanted his head.
Or rather, it wanted to claim the human.
Since it could have neither, it had resorted to other methods to get under Murphy’s skin, so to speak. Its foul mood had now begun negatively impacting his day-to-day life.
Murphy stifled a yawn, his eyelids heavy and his body exhausted. Even sleep was beyond him; getting more than a few hours was impossible, as his bear sent image after image of Nessa into his mind, showing him what could be if he just tried.
Instead, he did his best to ignore his bear, but discordance with his counterpart was a major issue, and now everything that had pissed him off before was amplified tenfold.
The phone rang too loud? Sometimes he broke it.
Stub a toe on his door walking through it? He might have ripped it off its hinges and hurled it across the room.
Any minor inconvenience seemed to set him off, and while it was aggravating to deal with, at least each outburst was in private. Well, ithadbeen until his other brother, Tank, walked in on Murphy throwing his coffee mug across the kitchen because it had scalded his tongue.
Ever since then, Murphy felt like he was being constantly watched, and not just by Tank. Everyone in his family seemed to regard him as some kind of specimen in need of being studied.
Murphy gritted his teeth as his bear swiped its claws against its mental cage. A slicing sensation slid over his flesh, like he was being torn open from the inside out. He almost jerked in his chair from the phantom pain—it felt so real—but he forced himself to remain still. Unaffected. It was a bluff. This temper tantrum wouldn’t work on him today.
Yesterday, when his bear had done a similar thing, he’d been so startled, he’d jumped from his computer chair, knocking over his desk in the process. His computer had gone flying across theroom, crashing onto the floor. Pieces of it had scattered across the hardwood, destroying the damned thing.
Luckily, he had just sent one of his enforcers, a shifter within the clan assigned to protect its members, to the store to buy him a new one. Unluckily, that meant said enforcer, Colter in this case, had blabbed about his errand to Tank, who’d come storming into Murphy’s office, demanding to know if he was alright.
What a loaded question that was to answer, not that he had. He didn’t answer to anyone, nor would he. Ever. Besides, what could he say in response?
That his bear was furious with him and slowly driving him crazy? That Nessa, a human he barely knew, was on his mind every waking second? That even when he slept at night—ifhe slept—all he dreamed about was her dying in front of him, and in his dream, although he tried to reach her, he never could? That sometimes, when it was too quiet, he could still hear the faint echo of her crying in fear, calling him a monster?
He felt like he was being haunted by her, and with his bear constantly finding ways to remind him of her, to poke and prod at his mind whenever it could, that feeling of despair had been increasing daily. How long could this continue before he finally lost the war against his bear and tracked her down? He knew where she worked and lived. It would be so easy to find her—
No.
Murphy slammed his fist down onto the desk resolutely, rattling the pen holder beside his keyboard. He needed to avoid Nessa. He’d been doing a spectacular job of it so far, and if he just waited his bear out, he could suffer through the need clawing at his gut to claim her.
He could get past this. His bear would let her go eventually. It would just take focus on his part and determination. He could do this.
Murphy rolled his eyes. He wished he could actually believe that, but if anything, his determination to avoid Nessa only made the ache for her worse. Each day, when he woke, he swore he could smell her in the air; a sweet scent of berries and vanilla, and the decadent aroma of whatever shampoo she used. The blend of those sweet scents mixed together into an enticing concoction that kept his dick rock hard for hours, desperate for relief.
Not that he’d indulged himself; not for a single second.
He knew that if he gave in to temptation, if he stroked himself to completion while thinking of her, it wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t even scratch the itch that plagued his body and soul, demanding to be sated. And then, when he realized that his hand wasn’t enough, he’d hunt her down and drag her back here where—
His bear let out a satisfied rumble, pleased that Murphy was finally seeing things its way. That was enough to shake him from his thoughts. Going anywhere near Nessa Parker was a mistake.
He didn’t even want a mate, let alone a human. He had his reasons. After being betrayed, tortured, and nearly murdered all those years ago, he thought his bear would agree with him that mating anyone, especially a human, was a bad decision.
Didn’t it remember the pain, the heartache they’d survived together?
The last female he’d let into his life had nearly destroyed him and his family. His entire clan. Shackling himself to another female wasn’t worth the trouble it could cause, especially since Murphy was the Alpha. He was responsible for everyone here on his territory. He could have no distractions. No weaknesses. And besides, Murphy had run a background check on Nessa after they’d first met. Her identity seemed as legitimate as a four-dollar bill, only solidifying his decision to leave her alone.
Theoretically, even if he did ever decide to mate, which he wouldn’t, they would need to be someone trustworthy, someone who would protect his clan as surely as he would. Someone who put the needs of his people over her own.
And Nessa … Well, after finding out that he and his family were shifters, she had fled as soon as she’d been allowed to leave his mother’s clinic. He didn’t necessarily blame her for her reaction. She was human, previously oblivious to the shifter world,hisworld. The shock of it all had clearly horrified her. Aside from that, though, she puzzled him; it seemed she was also a mystery to her own kind.
‘Nessa’ probably wasn’t even her real name; it was clear she was running from some kind of trouble, not that he’d figured out what.
Hunny, Tank’s mate, knew something but refused to tell him, insisting he speak with Nessa if he wanted answers. While he wanted the truth, getting anywhere near the human, especially in the state his bear was in currently, wasn’t a wise decision.
