He’d been so startled by the sudden clarity that settled into his soul, so relieved tofinallybe in agreement with his bear, that he’d been incapable of taking a single step in her direction. Incapable of uttering a single word. Instead, a new fear had taken him in its grip, paralyzing him.
What if he misunderstood her intentions and sabotaged everything by opening his damned mouth and asking her to be his? What if he told her he’d changed his mind, that he wanted her, and it frightened her away?
The last thing he ever wanted was to scare Nessa. To make her feel pressured or think that he had certainexpectationsthat she couldn’t provide.
Staring blankly up at the ceiling above his bed, Murphy fisted the sheets around his bare hips. His stomach twisted with knots as he found himself unsure of what to do. He hated feeling like this; uncertain and insecure.
As the Alpha, he always made decisions and stuck to them. His word was law. He was decisive, assertive, and confident in his choices. Yet, with Nessa, so far every decision he’d made had been wrong.
Staying away from her; denying he wanted her based on reasons beyond either of their control … He’d let his hatred of her kind blind him to her true nature, and he’d used his fears as justification for keeping his distance. He’d driven himself half-mad out of sheer stubbornness, and for what?
He was in the same boat he’d originally hoped to avoid, except now he’d voluntarily boarded the ship, uncaring about the possible consequences. It would have been hilarious if Nessa’s voice wasn’t echoing through his mind, her hurried, nervous words causing an ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away.
‘I’d like to be the one. To take care of you.’She’d looked at him with such hope and uncertainty. And he’d done nothing!Said nothing!
Murphy doubted she understood the impact that frantic declaration had on him, but her words had hit him like a battering ram, shattering the last of his resolve into smithereens. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, about her, about what it would be like to let her into his world. To let her into his life; to share it with her.
He’d spent the last fifteen years handling everything by himself. Yes, his family helped when he let them, but themajority of the clan’s burdens fell on him. He thought he’d preferred relying only on himself.
But … maybe he wanted a partner. An equal. Someone who helped support him and ease his burdens while looking for nothing in return.
Maybe, subconsciously, he’d been waiting for Nessa, which was why his bear had thrown such a fit over these past few months, and why mating sickness had struck him so hard. It could also explain his abhorrence and fear when she’d shown up to reject him. He just hadn’t realized it until now. He’d been too blindsided by his past.
His bear stirred to life in his mind, grumbling in agitation. It wanted Nessa.TheirNessa. At least his damned counterpart wasn’t slicing at his mind with its claws or driving him crazy with its constant need to hunt her down anymore.
For now, it was relatively quiet.
Was it because he’d spent the day, and most of the evening, with her? Or because it knew they’d be claiming her as soon as she let them? Was it satisfied he had finally stopped fighting against the inevitable?
Murphy sighed, sitting up in bed. He lowered his head, running a hand through his short, brown hair as he took in the scars littering his torso. Some stood out far more prominently than others; longer, deeper cuts that the human hunters had created just to torture him while they’d held him captive all those years ago. When they’d been testing just how much he could take.
When Nessa eventually saw those marks, would she find them repulsive? Would it make her find him less attractive? Not just physically, but emotionally? Some females wouldn’t want to be with a male that couldn’t protect himself—what if she thought he couldn’t protecther?
Reaching out, Murphy traced a long, jagged scar along his abdomen, his jaw clenching at the sensation of raised skin.
The scars were etched all over him; stretching across his arms, his neck, and his chest. Luckily, his attackers had taken their time, assuming they’d have him for a few days longer before eventually killing him.
Before the hunters could add their ‘work’ to his legs and back, Tank, his dad, and a few other bears had finally shown up, killing the humans responsible and rescuing him. The physical wounds had healed. But the scars left behind were reminders of what had happened. The betrayal. The pain. And that feeling of helplessness.
Gritting his teeth as long-ago memories stirred to life, Murphy tossed the sheets from his hips, getting out of bed and heading toward the bathroom.
Restless, he stepped into the shower as soon as the water poured from the showerhead, needing the icy spray to help push away those memories and the truth that came with them.
Ice-cold droplets pounded over his back, causing goosebumps to sprout over his skin. He shivered from the chill, but aside from freezing his balls off, it did nothing to clear his mind.
Grabbing a cloth and pouring scent-free bath gel onto it, Murphy began scrubbing himself clean, those damned scars taunting him with every swipe of the fabric.
He didn’t think about them too much nowadays—usually he kept them covered with his clothing and ignored them when he was naked—but tonight he couldn’t help but see every single one. He couldn’t help but remember why he’d bear them for the rest of his life.
The last female he’d fallen in love with, that he’d intended to mate, had done this to him. Sachi might not have wielded the blade herself, but she’d hired hunters to do her dirty work for her. Murphy had been so blinded by love, he’d almost died.
He’d trusted Sachi so implicitly, it had nearly cost him his life; that was the true fear that plagued Murphy when it came to Nessa. Not that he’d grow tired of her, or that he’d resent her if he mated her.
As his true mate, he was drawn to her far more than he’d ever been drawn to Sachi. From the moment he’d seen Nessa, scented her, heard her voice, he’d wanted her. Craved her, though he’d tried to deny it. But he’d suffered enough at the hands of humans. He’d suffered already at the hands of someone he’d loved.
He was terrified to put himself in a position like that again. Of trusting someone. Of being hurt.
What if Nessa betrayed him? What if something happened that made her doubt him, question him? What if she finished what Sachi had started?
