“Stay? What, like the night?” Nessa interrupted with a shake of her head. She stood from her stool. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Murphy, especially if you keep looking at me like I’m a snack.”
He blinked at her, lips parting in surprise. She was denying him? How could she resist the waves of his dominance? Didn’t she feel affected by it in the slightest?
“You’re right,” he replied quickly, standing as well.
He towered over his mate, and that sense of protectiveness rose to the surface yet again. She was so little compared to him, and as a human, so fragile. Anything could happen to her when she walked out of his door, and if he wasn’t with her, he’d be powerless to stop certain calamity from striking.
Still, despite the yearning he felt for her to remain by his side, it was best that she leave now, while his bear was subdued. “We can talk while I walk you out.”
Nessa smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Unable to resist the need to touch her, he took her hand in his, leading her from his home and toward her SUV. His breath fogged into the air, but the cold was a welcome reprieve from the overwhelming heat he’d felt since she’d arrived at his door.
Once they reached her vehicle, he winced. He’d completely destroyed the paint and some of the metal.
Noticing the direction of his gaze, Nessa squeezed his hand. “Iwillbe charging interest for every day that passes until my car gets fixed. Fair warning.”
Murphy snorted, running a hand over the stubble on his chin. “Sounds expensive. Hopefully, I can afford it.”
“I don’t know,” Nessa drawled playfully. “My fees are pretty pricey. Might break the bank.”
He huffed in mock exasperation, but truthfully, he found her banter refreshing. Enjoyable, even. She wasn’t afraid to needle him or to stand her ground when he acted like a jackass. She didn’t care that he was Alpha or about the responsibilities that came along with it.
He turned toward her then, the need to be transparent weighing heavily on him. “When I first became Alpha of this clan, another dominant bear challenged me for the title. His name was Tyler, and he had a daughter called Sachi.” Saying her name out loud for the first time in over a decade … It infuriatedhim less than he thought it would. “I was in love with her, so much so that I intended to mate with her once I’d settled into my new role.”
Nessa’s eyes widened at his admission. “I take it that didn’t pan out,” she guessed, an odd look on her face he couldn’t decipher.
“No. It didn’t,” Murphy answered, unsure of how much information he wanted to divulge. He never discussed this with anyone, preferring to keep the sordid details of his life buried where they belonged—far behind him. But didn’t she deserve to understand why he didn’t want a mate? That it was nothing against her personally.
“What happened?” Nessa asked quietly, stepping into his space. Her jacket brushed against his stomach as she tilted her head back to look up at him.
Murphy’s grip on her hand tightened possessively while the other found her hair, twisting the end of one strand around his finger. “In a challenge like that, the loser must submit or forfeit their life. Tyler wouldn’t submit, even though I’d beaten him. I gave him several chances to bow out, but he refused, attacking me each time.” He paused, memories of that day rushing to the front of his mind.
He could still remember his mother’s tears each time he took a blow. He remembered his dad yelling for him to finish the male off. Most of all, he remembered the way Sachi screamed in sheer despair when he snapped Tyler’s neck. Sometimes, if he thought too long about it, he could still feel the male’s bones breaking in his hands.
“Killing him was the only option,” Murphy continued gruffly.
“That must have been awful, Murphy,” she answered softly, glancing down at the fingers entangled in her hair. Instead of batting his hand away as she had earlier, she looked back up at him. “What happened after that?”
“Sachi was beside herself. Whatever love she had for me died with her father. But I was young back then, and I foolishly believed she’d eventually see reason. That she’d come around and decide that she still wanted to be with me. That it was her father who had forced my hand.”
“But she didn’t.”
Murphy frowned. “One day, she asked me to meet with her. At the time, I was so excited to hear from her, I didn’t bother to question why she insisted we meet alone. Or why she wanted to do so away from clan territory. Looking back now, I should have known better.”
Worry clouded Nessa’s eyes. “What did she do to you?”
“When I showed up at the location, she wasn’t alone. She’d hired hunters—humans that know about the supernatural community and kill us for sport, or for some misguided cause.” Nessa made a choking noise in her throat, but he didn’t stop, knowing that if he did, it would be another decade before he’d be able to discuss it again. “I couldn’t understand her betrayal. She knew the law of our people, and she knew her father had refused to yield. It would have been me or him. Sachi told me that she hated me and she wanted me to feel every ounce of pain that she had since her father’s passing.”
A hand flew to Nessa’s mouth, horror etched into her gaze. “Murphy …”
“I killed a few of them before they hit me with some kind of dart that prevented me from shifting. Then they overpowered me. They took me to some warehouse hours away and tortured me for days. Eventually, Tank found and freed me, but by then, Sachi was in the wind.”
Tears filled his mate’s eyes. “That’s why you hate humans. Because …” She trailed off, her voice thick with emotion, and Murphy released his hold on her hair to wipe away the tears thathad begun to slide down her face. “I don’t blame you for not wanting anything to do with me.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, Nessa. It’s me. My past,” he admitted adamantly, his heart aching at each tear she shed. He didn’t want her to cry for him, and he damn sure hadn’t expected it. He just needed her to know his reasons for not wanting a mate.
“Some part of me never healed from that betrayal. My bear hasn’t either; all he’s known for fifteen years is rage and distrust. How can I ever mate you, knowing that I likely won’t be able to give you what you need? That I won’t be able to trust you because of my own hang-ups? That I might grow to resent you?”
She nodded, looking away from him as she sniffled. “I understand. I … My ex was a really horrible man.” She sent him a small, trembling smile before looking away again. “After him, I don’t think I can handle being in another relationship, or a … mating, or the expectations that come with it. I don’t even like being touched.”
