So, despite the fact that my mind is screaming, despite the fact that my insides are teeming, I nod and say something I don’t mean.
“Sure, why not?”
Nellie’s giving me a look that says,‘you know why not,’ but I glance back at Mr. Bruce and tack on another lie.
“I’ll give him a call.”
CHAPTER 6
Ilay awake and relive one of the worst days of my life. The day I—in a sense—lost the two men I love most.
It’s May 3rd, hearing day, and I’m sitting in the passenger seat of Jude’s Jag on the way to the courthouse, my stomach a knot of nerves.
Jude reaches for my hand and gives it a warm squeeze. "Whatever happens today, we'll get through it."
I nod, but my eyes burn with tears. I picture my dad rising to his feet at my games, cheering and pumping a fist because I managed to steal another base.
"The idea that he could go to prison is bad enough,” I say, “but getting convicted for something he didn't do—I don't know how I would cope. Howhewould cope.” I dab at the tears spilling down my cheeks. “People will think he’s a criminal. I hate that."
Jude pulls in front of the building. "Hey,” he says softly. “I’m not sure how else to say this, but have you considered the idea that he…might actually?—"
"Don’t finish that sentence,” I snap. “He’snotguilty."
“I didn't say he was guilty."
"But you're acting like it's a possibility."
"Yes,” he admits, “because it is. I just want you to be prepared in case things aren’t what you think."
My insides burn with a new kind of heat. "So, you think he’s lying to me? He practically raised me by himself, Jude. We know each other better than anyone.” Still, the mere suggestion is a black hole burrowing into my chest and spreading with a vengeance.What if he’s right? What if Dad’s been lying all along?
“I don’t think you should come in.” I tear off my seatbelt and push open the door.
"Ginger, please.” The sincerity in Jude’s eyes amplifies the chill spreading through me. The frigid possibility that he’s right. “I haven't known how else to say it.”
"Youshouldn’tbe saying it at all.” I climb out. “Go home, Jude. If you don’t fully believe him, we don’t want you here.”We, meaning me and my dad. Translation: I’ll choose him over you.
And so, Jude left.
He doesn’t know it, but his wordsdidprepare me for what was to come. As soon as I got past the courthouse security, my dad waved me over to him. He looked at me, his expression bleak and foreboding, and said words I never imagined he’d say.
He was, in fact, guilty of embezzling funds. He regretted it terribly, but his biggest regret was lying to me. He hoped I wasn't too disappointed.
Of course, I was. I was fractured, distraught, and for a reason that didn't make sense, I was angry at Jude, too. He’d probably been suspecting it all along, and that somehow hurt even more.
I figured I’d eventually call Jude, maybe show up at his house, and tell him everything that happened, but I couldn’t get myself to do it.
I didn’t answer his calls or reply to his texts until he said he was coming over and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Onlythen did I text him back and beg him not to come. I wasn’t ready; it would only do more damage than good.
So, Jude gave me space like the gentleman he is. And I let that distance grow deeper, like a crevice clear to the earth’s core. I regret that every day that goes by.
CHAPTER 7
Iwake up knowing exactly what I have to do.
Already, Jude has shown he's the bigger person by wishing me luck on the audition after I ended things so poorly.
I grab my phone and scroll to our latest text exchange, still shocked to see it toward the top of my list. Then, I start with two words I wish I had told him long ago.
