And though I’ve always known it affected me, I hadn’t realized the unique way it impacted my relationships, particularly my reluctance to pursue things with Liam.
She helps me dig deeper by having me visualize the breakup from a third-party perspective. First, the one on the beach that took place when we were young, then the incident in Liam’s driveway. I’m playing it back like a spectator armed with the knowledge of the ghosts in my head. Err, rather, the ghosts inherhead, since I’m just an observer.
“So this younger version of Ashley liked having a voice of her own in that relationship,” Dr Nury says, “until the stakes got too high. When Liam gave her a voice…when he wantedherto help decide whether you two should date around a bit, she…”
“Got scared,” I say.
“Exactly,” Dr Nury says with a clap. “And she married someone who’d happily call the shots. Now, look at the years of that marriage and tell me where shedidtake a stance. In a marriage of that many years, especially when you’re raising kids together, there must be an area where?—”
“With the kids,” I say easily. From that same bird’s eye point of view, I see the hours I spent researching what was best for my baby at every stage, starting with the womb. I see moments when Ross told me I was overreacting, the fever wasn’ttoohigh, and there was no need to rush them into urgent care, butIhad done the research.Ihad been looking for the signs.I knewwhat was right, and I followed through.
“Then you’ve already proven you can do it. And that you can, indeed, trust yourself,” she says almost reverently.
I sniff and nod. “In that area, yes.”
“Imagine,” she says, “what you’ll accomplish when you activate that power in other areas of your life.”
As we conclude, Dr. Nury tells me I’m headed in the right direction. She calls what I experienced that night in the car anawakening and says that when patients discover these things for themselves, the recovery process is much smoother. They’re less likely to resist behavior modification and more likely to achieve lasting success. It's why, in her sessions, Dr. Nury finds ways to help patients discover the root of what’s holding them back for themselves, rather than pointing it out.
She sends me a list of tactics to put into play over the next few days, all centered around trusting myself in new areas.
When I walk back into the condo, it goes silent. Everyone’s seated at the dinner table trying not to look at me. Except Nini, that is, who’s staring with great interest.
“Are you certifiable or something?” she asks.
My kids probably don’t know what that means, but I do, and so do my parents, who remain quiet and only shake their heads.
What the kidsdoknow is that I was talking with a therapist. They know because they, too, are invested. They’d like to see things work out between Liam and me if it’s still possible. And if it’s not…I gulp as a surge of misery shudders through me and finish my thought. If it’s not possible to mend things with Liam, then at least I’ll be better than I was before.
I walk over to the empty place setting at the table, and the aroma makes me realize that my appetite is there somewhere.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Nini prods.
“Yes,” I tell her. “I’m certifiable, Nini. They’re sending a van. You guys can push me out the door when they come, okay?”
She chuckles, then hands me the bowl of roasted potatoes.
Ashley
Over the next few days, I consider something Dr. Nury had me tell myself:There’s a difference between asking a trusted friend for advice and asking a trusted friend to dictate the decisions you make.
I pay close attention to my tendencies, noting areas outside of parenting that I trust myself—my career, for one. I also note scenarios that put me right back into auto-mode, like interactions with Ross.
Dr. Nury manages to fit me in for a follow-up a week after my first appointment. We address the hiccups I ran into after our appointment. She applauds me for seeing other ways I trust myself, not only with my job but while I’m driving. I’m fairly confident behind the wheel, even if Idoavoid a few crowded left-hand turns.
Already, I’m walking a bit taller; I can feel it.
Meanwhile, I’m loving on my family and my kids, talking to them about what I’m learning, hoping they’ll follow suit if they find themselves in a tough spot one day. The wedding is getting closer, and since I’ve made a whole lot of progress in the last two and a half weeks, I feel like I’m ready to talk to Liam.
I decide to ask Dr. Nury during my next appointment.
“So,” I say as we’re wrapping things up. “Do you think I'm ready to talk to Liam?” I go on to explain that the wedding is just two days away and that I was supposed to be his date. I end off by asking the question once again.
Dr. Nury squares a look at me through the screen and smiles with her lips closed.
It takes three full seconds for me to realize what she’s doing.
"Ah," I say. "I can determine that for myself."
