I stand up and make my way slowly to the array of bowling balls I picked out for today's game. Since the book I'm reading addresses unhealthy obsessions and superstitions triggered by negative events in one's life, I am forcing myself tonotpick a favorite. To not think I'll shoot a better shot with one ball over the other. They weigh the same, they were made the same, it’s all in my technique.
I'm immediately drawn to the burgundy one, so I force myself to pick the green marbled one instead.
"You know what you need?" Luke says from behind. My body tenses in preparation, but I play it cool and wait for him to say whatever moronic thing he plans to say.
"You need to just go out there and date a whole bunch of women. Now's your chance to behave badly, make mistakes, and do stupid stuff. You got crapped on, brother, it’s your right. Heck, it's your duty!"
I grit my teeth and flare my nostrils as I suck in a breath that I pray will infuse me with patience. Luke hasn’t figured out that we’re adults now. Once you have a kid, you stop acting like a kid yourself. At least, you should.
I drop my arm, swing it back as I stride forward, then let the ball loose. I'm glaring at the spot I want it to hit. Just left of that central pin, and it does.
The pins explode in a splendor of spinning white.
"That's what I'm talking about," Luke cheers. "He's still got it, ladies! Take that, Ashley Chen."
My eyes bulge. "Dude, shut up.” I check over both shoulders, hating that anyone might've heard. “Don't say her name like that."
"So sensitive. That's your problem, you know? You and Blaine were always more sensitive than the rest of us. I just wish Blaine could've lived long enough to overcome it."
Luke is lucky that he doesn’t follow a different train of thought. One he's stumbled over before. I don't have the desire nor the power to rehabilitate Luke and his twisted ways of thinking and viewing the world.
Let him thinkI'mdelusional; at least I’m trying to better myself. Still, I can't help but hear Luke's sentiment in my head.Take that, Ashley Chen.
It makes me remember the way I once set a goal—shortly after she got married—to get back at Ashley by living my best life. By being the best husband, the best dad, and having the best kids. And sure, the best house and the biggest bank account.Take that, Ashley Chen. See what you missed out on?
Of course, my love and devotion to Gabrielle and the kids became my real motive, but it was a thought I once had.
After signing the divorce papers, I was a wreck. I’d tried so hard for so long to make it work. To make things better. Ignoring Gabrielle’s bad behavior backfired; since she was never held accountable, she only got worse. And yes, so did my passive-aggressive behavior, something I can now admit to. We didn’t make each other better, but it’s possible we could have if we’d have gotten help sooner.
Still, I remember heading to the beach after signing the papers. I was still in my business suit, so I kicked off my shoes and socks, rolled the hems of my pants, and waded into the ocean. It was dark out, October as it was when the sun goesdown early, and the air gets crisp. I lifted my chin to the sky and asked God what He wanted me to do now.
Or had He forgotten me?
The idea of being forgotten has haunted me since I saw this horrible show where a man's wife got amnesia and couldn't remember who he was. Couldn't recall the memories they’d made, the feelings of love they'd built over the years.
So, when Ashley and I got in that wreck, and the hospital told her parents to watch for signs of a concussion, I panicked. Sure, Ashley and I had only gone on four dates at the time, but I was already hooked.
I wondered, standing on the dark shore while the waves lapped my ankles and my feet sank lower into the sand, if Ashley Chen had forgotten me the way I’d forgotten her. If she was so entirely swept up by her own marriage and kids that she rarely ever thought back on those days. It was the first time I actually hoped that she had.
"Earth to Liam! Hey, can we get a doctor over here? I think we've lost him." Luke's ridiculous babblings pull me from my thoughts.
"What?"
"I said Jessica and Nellie want to go on a double date this weekend. You up for it?"
I shake my head. "No. Are you crazy?"
Luke pulls a cringe face and sucks air through his teeth. "Uh, oh, looks likeLiam Hurt Heartis back in town, folks."
I narrow my eyes, hating that he's using things I confided in him against me. It’s a low blow, seeing that I was only trying to helphimget out of his own stuck ways. Of course, that man needs an entirely different book. He needs a good old-fashioned encyclopedia-sized collection of books to help him make a change.
"Luke," I say calmly. “It’s been two days.Twodays, okay?"
"Okay, okay," Luke says while rolling his shoulders back. He strides over and grabs the very ball I just got a strike with.
My fists clench. And yes, I have to tell myself not to snap at him because part of me thinksMarble Greenis coated withmyluck right now, but since I know better and since I am on a journey to improve whether Ashley wants me or not, I bite back the words.
Luke puts his magic spin on the ball and gets a strike. He spins to look at me and cocks a brow. "Lucky ball.”
