The fear in me multiplies like a growing, swelling beast, making my pulse spike and my breath hitch.
“So,” Liam says. “Do you want to go look at places in town tomorrow?”
I pinch my lips closed, wondering where he’s going with this. Is he planning to use it as his ticket out?You’re not even ready to move out here. You’re still working for your ex-husband. This probably isn’t going to work.
But he just told me he loved me. Probably, things are fine, and I’m just being paranoid—the whole things-are-too-good-to-be-true scenario.
I set my mind on the suggestion in case he genuinely wants to show me places. I know I need to, but I’m not ready yet. I can’t figure out why I’m so apprehensive to cross the items off mysay-yeslist. I don’t wantto work for Ross anymore. I don’t wantto live with my parents anymore. So what am I waiting for? What’s holding me back?
“Maybe next week,” I say.
Liam nods and takes a step forward. He places his hands on my hips, angling me as he takes another step, encouraging me to back up against the Camry.
This time, Liam not only meets my gaze, he holds it, his gorgeous eyes brimming with torment in the dim light.
We exchanged I-love-yous, I remind myself again, and it felt wonderful.
So why am I so terrified right now? Why do I feel like he’s about to ruin everything?
He searches my face for a blink, and suddenly, I see it—the elephant. Itisthere.Somehow, I know that’s exactly what he’s about to address, what he’s already addressingwith his eyes in the quiet pause: the barrier between us. One that doesn’t have to be there if we just let it go.
Another wave of fear rips through me in a hot, pulsing flash, the tide still crashing against the not-so-distant shore.
Liam tucks my hair behind one ear and smooths his thumb along my cheek. I’m tempted to let my eyes close and tune in to the sensations, but I’m trapped. Locked by the challenge behind his gaze.
“Ashley,” he says, his voice quiet and sad. “When are we going to talk about it?”
The way he asks me, so heavy and unsure, gives validity to my fear surrounding the topic. He must think this could break us, too.
This time, Idolet my eyes close because I can't keep looking at him. Not when a tremor of sorrow crashes through me so hard I gasp.
Why is he willing to broach a topic that could ruin us? Just like he was willing to bring up a different topic over twenty years ago—a topic that ruined us way back then.
Of course, perhaps back then that had been his objective. But it's not his objective now, is it?
No, it definitely isn't. He just wants to get this out of the way so we can move forward.
But I’m not sure I believe that because the tears are already welling.
"Ashley…" He pulls me in for a hug as he continues, his warm breath tickling my temple. "Tell me what you're thinking."
What I’m thinking? I’m thinking that I’m embarrassed and angry and discouraged.
I feel afraid, naïve, and foolish for not bringing up the topic myself.
I feel exposed; I’m a woman who’d rather go in the wrong direction if going the right way could end something so good she doesn’t want to risk it.
"I want this to work out,” he says, voice still painfully soft and low. “That’s why we need to talk about it.” He straightens enough to meet my gaze, but now I’m the one looking away, eyes focused on a potted plant in the shadows as he continues.
“I was misunderstood. And as much as I want to just pretend it never happened, I can’t because it’s a painful part of my past.Of our past.”
He remains quiet until I look at him once more.
“It’s important to me that you understand that I…I onlyeverhad your best interest in mind, even back then. I didn't want to lose you?—”
That final lead-in pulls the trigger. "But that's exactly what you did, Liam!”
An echo of my words bounces off the driveway before getting swallowed by the roar of the ocean.
