“I didn’t hear him say he was sorry.”
Kirsten wraps a bright, red scarf around her neck, then toys with the fringe as she looks at me. “Be honest, if this hadn’t come up last night, do you think you’d have found something else to blow up about?”
I laugh a little too loudly. “Nice one, but no, I don’t think so.” But then I remember having a similar thought this morning. “This isn’t me just vacillating, Kirsten,” I say, testing thetruth of that declaration as it leaves my lips. Even I’m not convinced.
“And who’s to say he’d even still want me after this?” I add, standing so I can hug her goodbye.
Kirsten rests her hands on my shoulders and gives me a soft smile. “If he’s the right one for you, he won’t let this get in the way. And if you’re the right one for him, you won’t either.” She presses a big sister kiss to my forehead before pulling me in for a warm squeeze.
“You are amazing,” she says against my hair while embracing me. “You’re worthy of love, you’re capable of giving it, and you’re capable of receiving it too.” She squeezes a little tighter before letting me go, then tugs the keys from her pocket.
“Read the inscription, and then turn on your phone, okay?”
“Okay,” I say.
“The ball is in your hands, Maggie. You need to get out of your own way.” With that, she steps out and closes the door behind her. I hear the garage open and then close.
“Whatever,” I say. I trudge back to my seat, grab the book, and flip open the front cover.
At first, it’s a few niceties—expressed gratitude for hosting her book signing and for being a fan of her other work. But just above her signature, she leaves me with some personal advice.
Keep in mind, Maggie, no one holds tighter to an unhealthy pattern than someone who’s about to give it up completely. When you feel yourself doing that, unclench your fists, let go, and let yourself love at last.
Fire encircles my heart. It’s like Clarissa Lovely pulled some sort of Christmas Carol miracle, having caught a glimpse of myValentine’s future and given me the exact advice I’d need at this moment.
And it’s more than just advice. It’s encouragement, too. Look how tightly I’m holding on to my own ways—willing to let a man like Braxton Wheaton walk out of my life at the first sign of trouble without even talking things out.
But what that means, if Lovely’s correct, is that I’m about to release it completely. To make the changes necessary to stop getting in my own way.
I picture the dress on the trash can and gasp. Hopefully, it hasn’t absorbed any odors through the plastic lid and protective wrap. My heart races as I dash for the garage, yet just before I fling open the door, I pause and recall what Clarissa told me.Unclench your fists…
I pull in a deep breath, close my eyes, and make a fist with each hand. I picture everything I cling to when relationships get too serious or too tough. My insecurities, my past hurts, all of the terrible things I’ve witnessed. They’re only the negatives. I’ve let so many good things pass before my eyes, holding only those that feed my narrative.
And right here, right now, I’m letting them go forever. I twist my wrists so my hands will face the floor, then I uncurl my fingers and imagine all that junk falling away from me.
When that’s done, I shake out my hands and summon an image of Mandy and Collin Wheaton.
I picture the looks they exchanged during their anniversary party when Braxton and his brothers took turns sharing memories from years’ past. Memories that caused laughter and tears alike.
At poignant spots, Mandy and Collin would turn to one another and exchange a look. A look that might seem subtle to some. But for me, as someone green to that type of lasting love, that look said everything.
It spoke of the years they’d shared, the troubles they’d overcome, and the joy and adventures that awaited them. Most of all, it spoke of the one thing that enriched each day of those forty-five years—the fact that they’d lived themtogether.
I picture that devilish glint in Braxton’s eye, the one I spotted on that very first day, and let myself dream of a time forty-five-plus years from now, where we wordlessly appreciate the years in our wake.
I ball up my fists, bring them to my heart, and vow to hold on to this instead.
Now, I decide it’s time to rescue that dress.
22
Braxton
I nod my head to the blasting beat from the car stereo. I am pumped up with all the excitement and hope I need to make this night go just right.
I wasn’t sure what I would do when evening came around. Would I call Maggie and ask if she still wanted to go out? Or would I simply return the tux and head out of town for the night? Find some snowy cabin where I could light a fire and tend to it all night long.
But a few hours ago, I got a text from Maggie’s sister that set me on a new course.
