“Why would you be together when they weren’t even around if that was the case?”
“Exactly,” I add. “But then Liam’s like, I think you’re with her for adifferentwrong reason.”
Parker tosses his head back and groans. “Why do they care?”
“We’re brothers,” I say. When I remember that he doesn’t have one, I add, “picture Jack saying this to you. Times three.”
“Braxton said something, too?”
“They were all saying they were worried about it. Liam said I was just picking Kirsten because she was stable and consistent and family-oriented.”
“Sheisall those things.”
“I know.”
“So what’s the problem with that?”
“The problem is that she’s not the type I usually go for. I wasn’t necessarily into girls like Kirsten back in the day. I was always attracted to women like your mom.”
“But youareattracted to Kirsten, right? She’s really pretty, Dad.”
“I know, yeah, I am. Definitely, she’s gorgeous. But I got scared that…that maybe it reallywouldbe a temporary kind of attraction. Like some knee-jerk reaction to being hurt by Mom—what if it’s some internal defense mechanism? Trying to save me from getting hurt again by drawing me to someone who’s like, her total opposite.”
“Wanna know how to tell if it’s really love?” Parker asks.
I look over. “According to who?”
“According to James,” he says.
James is the kid’s youth pastor from church. I shift in my seat, wondering if I’m about to get lectured. “Okay.”
“He says you’ll know if you really love someone if you like, want to pick their brain, you know? You want to keep figuring out what makes them tick. You want more than just their body, you want to know their thoughts and…what’s going on inside too.”
Ah, a lesson on lust. I’ll have to thank James for that one. Parker’s probably more apt to take advice from him than his ornery old man.
“I don’t even have to think about that,” I say. “I’m definitely fascinated by her. We don’t stop talking when we’re together. I always want to hear what she thinks about the latest news, the new conspiracy theory, or her thoughts on a parenting issue I’m facing.”
Parker shrugs. “So, what’s wrong? You don’t have the other part?”
I look at him, as lost as I was, while we were looking for signs back there. “What do you mean.”
Parker plays with a thread from his ripped jeans. “You know…” His chin is ducked, and his gaze is determinedly set on that thread. He’s about to choke out the tip of his finger; it’s going so red.
“Just say it, please, before you decapitate that digit.”
He throws his head back. “You’re attracted to her mind butnother body?” he guesses.
“Oh.No,I really like her that way. Reallyreally—”
“Then you like her, Dad. You probably even love her. You shouldn’t have let her go.” He cracks open the door and steps out.
I do the same, meeting him at the trunk as it pops open. Parker secures his sleeping bag and pillow. “Admit it,” he says, face going hard with determination.
The fact is, I think the kid might be right. I was scared of hurting Kirsten; that much was true. And I was caught off guard by how refreshing it was to be with her instead of Trish. That doesn’t mean I was trying to get even or just choosing the safest choice. It means we’re compatible on a deeper level than Trish and I ever were.
I recall the way Trish shut me down when I tried to share the telescope with her. She didn’t want to know what was inside. Maybe both of us were more driven by lust at that age. But while I do long for Kirsten in that way, it’s not without all the unique things about her that drive me mad. Her mind, her words, her thoughts, and passions are just as sexy as the rest of her.
I grab Parker’s head with both hands and grin widely into his eyes before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You, my man, were right. You were very right. And I think I’ll do something about it.”
