My mom isn’t secretive about her eating disorder anymore. In fact, she’s come to a place where she’s helping raise awareness about the different forms those disorders take on. But since I failed to get the okay to discuss it beforehand, I choose my words carefully.
“She’s actually really good, thank heavens. She’s been back home for almost two years. She has a good job, and she’s living withhermother now. Helping to take care of her.”
Kai holds my gaze, a genuine smile spreading across his face. “That’s great, Nikki.”
“Yeah, it is.” I’m grateful that, despite her time spent in and out of the treatment centers, my mom is getting her life back in order. But even still, the memories make my shoulders tense.
I roll them back, trying to free myself from the residual pain. This was the crux of our breakup. I couldn’t have abandoned my mom and taken off to some out-of-state university. And since Kai knew how much I was struggling to keep it all together, I figured he’d join me until he was ready for law school. But no—he couldn’t let his father down.
Of all the important people who’d gone absent in my life—my father who walked out while I was young, and my mother whose illness took her away from me—it was Kai who hurt me the most; he’d always been my comfort. My constant. My distraction from all the hurts beyond my control. Nate felt a similar way about it. He’d always looked up to Kai, which was probably why he’d taken it so hard when he left.
“How’s Nate?” Kai asks as if reading my thoughts. “I think I heard he’s going to Washington State.”
I grin. “Yes, isn’t that amazing? I can’t tell you how important it was.” A flood of emotion grips hold of me—pride, satisfaction, and gratitude. “For a while, I wasn’t even sure the kid would graduate, as much as he was skipping school and doing…Lord knows what. But he came around.”
A vision of Nate in his cap and gown causes my eyes to well with tears. What I would have given to have that type of freedom at his age. I clear my throat and blink back the tears threatening to spill. “It was important to me that Nate had the opportunity to just leave, you know? Unhindered. Free.”
“Nikki…” The way Kai says my name, so gently in his deep, raspy tone, says he knows the topic is tender. But he can’t know the tug-of-war that’s happening in my heart. The mixture of joy, pride, and the opposing sting of resentment that nearly ruins it all. Because look at what I lost in all of this. I lost Kai.
“Yoo-hoo, it’s me again!”
I glance over in time to see Colt Findley wobbling on a pair of roller skates. He traded his suit for a waitress’ uniform—a pleated skirt, frilly apron, and the name tag too. A tray of food balances on one splayed hand as his weight darts precariously from front to back.
Somehow, he makes it to the table without incident, which is good since I’m starving. “Diet Coke and a burger and fries for the lady,” he says as he sets the drink and paper-lined basket on the table. “Dr. Pepper and a burger and fries for you with the crazy eyes.” Colt barks out a laugh before taking a double look at Kai. “What happened to your face?”
“Migraine.” Kai points to where his glasses rest on the table. “Can’t wear them anymore.”
“Yikes!” Colt leans into Kai. “Between you and me, you lookmuchbetter with the glasses.” He squares a look at me and tucks the round tray beneath one arm. “If I were you, I’d ask him to put them back on.” With that, he skates away.
Kai leans over the table. “She’s not getting a tip.”
“I heard that,” Colt hollers.
I grin. “Wonder if I could say that this romper is giving me a migraine.”
Kai dips a fry in his ketchup cup. “Don’t do that. It’s starting to grow on me.”
“That’s because most of it’s hidden under the table.”
He reaches for my drink. “It’s because you make it look good.”
I watch as Kai begins whirling my drink with the straw as if he’s been doing it all along. As if it’s been only days, not years since we’ve eaten at the diner on a date.
Suddenly he stops and looks at me. “You still like it like this, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Whew.” He stirs some more and then stops to take a sip.
I bite back a smile as he shudders from the taste.
“Can’t believe you like it like that.” He scoots it back across the table.
I try to pretend my heart isn’t spazzing out from the sweet gesture and take a sip. “Perfect. Thanks.”
“These look like Sill’s burgers,” Kai says as he looks at his plate. “Let’s see if they taste like them too.” He lifts his burger toward me ceremoniously. “Here’s to revisiting our past and reshaping our future.”
Reshaping our future? My insides feel like they’re churning butter suddenly. I glance at my Diet Coke. “You don’t want to do cheers with our drinks?”
