Duke slipped a hand into his pocket and squared a look at her. His chest rose with what she could only guess was trapped frustration. “Let me repeat your plan so you can hear how crazy it sounds.”
Viv gritted her teeth tight, folded her arms, and fought back an eye-roll.
“You want me to pull up to the park, see you and your boys sitting there, pretend we’restrangers—”
“Orold acquaintances,” she said.
His face fell flat before the heat returned in his eyes. “Orold acquaintances…” He sighed, lifted the ball cap off his head, and ran a hand through his hair. “Instead of telling your kids that I’ve been dating you. Instead of telling them that we planned this date together, especially so I could meet them and they could meet me, you want me to lie to them. Pretend it’s happenstance, and then what? Do the same thing again each week? This is ridiculous, Vivi.”
Knots of tangled nerves threatened to tighten her throat. Forget shaky ground, whatever she stood on was crumbling completely. But the fact only made her scramble all the more. “It’s not exactlylying,” she said under her breath, working to see the sense she once saw in the plan.
“Oh, isn’t it,Veritå?”
The use of her pen name was a low jab. One she hadn’t expected him to take. “I don’t know if this is going to work,” she said.
“I don’t mean to push, Viv. I really don’t. But I don’t want to be some dirty little secret you’re scared to tell your boys about. Something you have to hide from everyone.” He headed toward the door, but paused before pressing it open. “When you’re ready to tell the boys that we’re dating—when you’re ready to let go of this bull crap pretense and let them meet me asme,let me know.”
Viv watched him walk out then. As good as she might be at looking into the hearts of others, Viv knew there was something she was missing about herself. About her desperation to protect the boys from something as real as people coming and going. It was a normal part of life.
She rushed to the door and pushed it open herself. “Where are you going?”
Duke had the car door open and was about to climb in. He straightened up to square a look at her. The ache in his blue eyes, in the deep crease in his brow, made her heart sting.
He was waiting on her, she knew that much. He wanted her to give him something. Anything.
She reached inside herself, wondering if she had anything to offer. Something safe. Something easy. But nothing came.
At last, Duke climbed into the car and closed the door behind him. Viv didn’t stay to watch him back out and pull away. Instead, she hurried back into the kitchen, grabbed the next sandwich, and rested it on the corner of the butcher paper.
Within minutes, the boys were home, alive with excitement over finally getting their jerseys. Questions swarmed her mind as she tried to return their enthusiasm. Was she inwardly set onthisbeing her life? What was really stopping her from letting Duke into their lives?
She’d told her parents she was dating Duke. Neither had warned her to keep the boys from knowing. In fact, when Viv had told them not to mention it to them, they’d advised her to do it herself sooner rather than later. That there was no need to keep secrets from them.
You don’t want them to get hurt. It’s as simple as that.But was it?
“Get in the car, boys.”
“Can we bring our stuff and play some more at the park?” Diego asked.
“Yes, of course.” As she hurried the kids out the door, she was inwardly searching for an honest answer to the question in her head. What did she fear most of all?
She’d spent nearly every day—for the last nine years—making sure their every need was met. Making sure the twins didn’t feel the absence of their father. Making sure she was enough.
If she let someone else in, all of that could change. She might not be enough anymore.
And that’s when it hit her. She was scared of being rejected, not only by Duke, but by the twins too. Viv might not be enough anymore, and that idea terrified her. But that didn’t mean she was in the right.
“Boys,” Viv blurted suddenly, glancing at them through the rearview mirror.
Dante tossed the ball into the mitt. “Yeah?”
“Huh?” Diego asked while rearranging his cap.
Viv nodded, gulped, and assured herself she was doing the right thing. “I’ve got something to tell you.”
Chapter 18
Duke tugged the bill of his ball cap, rested his elbows on his knees, and looked down through the crack in the bleachers. He rubbed his thumb over the smooth surface of his worry stone with a sigh.Calming stone.It was meant to calm him. The trouble was, Duke couldn’t even make sense of his troubles right then.
