The way Colton looked at me, how he touched me, drew myfocus back to myself.He probably would have no idea what that meant for me…orprobably what that wasdoingto me.
I placed the pen back in the coffee cup an author had sentme, pulse pounding in all the interesting, distracting places.It was Sundayand we’d made plans to see each other this evening, nothing further or moreconcrete than that, and I was still edgy with anticipation.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I ever felt any of this withKevin.Not because my feelings for him were weaker, because they weren’t, butwe’d gotten together so young.What I felt then was nothing like what I feltnow, and maybe if Kevin and I had met when we were older, I would beexperiencing this with him.
All the maddening rush of emotions was a bit too much tohandle.It was like seeing only in black and white, and suddenly everything wasin vibrant colors.My stomach dipped as a thread of realization weaved its waythrough my thoughts.
Was what I was feeling something more powerful than lust andthe excitement that came with new relationships?Was it love?
I swallowed hard as I turned from the dry erase board, mygaze crawling over the spines of the books I’d edited while in New York andfrom freelancing, but I really didn’t see any of the titles.
Had I already fallen in love with Colton?
That sounded so, so ridiculous.We’d only come back intoeach other’s lives a week ago, and we really hadn’t been in each other’s livesbefore.Not really.But what I was feeling was powerful, reminiscent of what Ifelt for Kevin.
It was strange to think about him while thinking about thefour-letter word and Colton, all in the same sentence.It wasn’t a bad feeling,like it was wrong or anything, but just odd.
Tucking my hair back behind my ears, I pressed my lipstogether.It wasn’t like I never wanted to fall in love again.I had hoped thatI would, but it wasn’t something I had imagined happening in a long time.Forone thing, I really didn’t put myself out there to even meet anyone.To dothat, I’d actually have to go out more often.
Feeling what I was caught me off guard for multiple reasons.I wasn’t expecting anyone to waltz into my life, especially not Colton Anders.I wasn’t expecting to feel this strongly, and although many of the books I’dedited featured characters falling in love hard and fast, I hadn’t believed itwas possible.Insta-love didn’t exist in the real world.
Or maybe it did exist and I was actually experiencing it.
The flutter in my stomach increased.A twisty mixture ofthoughts and emotions invaded me.Falling in love was exhilarating.It wasarousing, possibly the most powerful aphrodisiac.
It was also scary as hell.
Because I’d already loved and lost once.
And knowing what I knew now, that I would lose Kevin, Istill wouldn’t go back and change a damn thing.Love, no matter the amount ofpain it could rain down on your head, was worth it.
Then that meant if what I was feeling now was real, nomatter how crazy it sounded and felt, it was also worth the possibility itwasn’t returned, that it would never grow into something mutual, that it wouldcut deep in the end.
No matter what, I wasn’t going to hide from what I wasfeeling.What happened to Kevin and what I’d seen Friday night proved that lifewas truly too short to not live it.
To be a coward.
Walking into my bedroom, I kicked off my flip-flops as Iglanced at the dress I planned to wear tonight.It wasn’t fancy, just a cottoneyelet pattern dress, but I was trying to get more comfortable in my own skin.Reaching down, pulling my shirt off, cool air washed over my breasts and thealready hardened nipples tingled sharply.As I pulled off my bottoms, Icouldn’t help but imagine Colton doing it.I could easily see him on his knees,staring up at me with those ocean-blue eyes.
My stomach hallowed as I sat on the edge of my bed.I neededto shower and get ready, but my hand floated to the base of my throat.Therewas a moment of hesitation as I bit down on my lower lip.I knew what my bodywanted—what I wanted.The tension had been building all week and I felt like Iwas going to crawl out of my skin.
Getting off had been kind of clinical in the past, almost asif I was detached from what I was doing and feeling.It was just about feelinga few moments of pleasure, but this, right now, was so much more potent.Myhand trembled as I realized what I wanted to do and this time, it was sodifferent.
The sharp swirl of pleasure built as I drew my hand down.Myarm brushed over the tip of my breast, causing me to suck in a shallow breath.I wasn’t thinking as I dragged my fingers down, my nails scrapping lightly overthe puckered nipple.Colton consumed my thoughts as my hand drifted down mystomach, beyond my navel.The moment my fingers brushed through the gatheringwetness, a breathy moan escaped me.I slipped a finger in as I pressed the palmof my hand against the nub of nerves.
Pleasure pounded, heavy and intense.I let myself fall backagainst the bed as I widened my legs.My eyes were opened into thin slits.Icould see the tips of my breasts, the curve of my stomach, and my hand movingbetween my thighs.
I’d never watched myself before, but I couldn’t look awaythis time, and my heart thumped fast as I lifted my hips, meeting the thrust ofmy finger.There was something wholly erotic about this—about watching what Iwas doing.
My breathing turned shallow, and in an instant, I sawColton’s head bowed between my thighs instead of my hand, and it was hisfingers instead of mine, his mouth.The tension coiled and then unraveledwithout warning, whipping throughout me.I kicked my head back, crying out inthe silence of my bedroom.The release was more intense than anytime I’d everdone this, shocking me.
Closing my eyes, I let out a long sigh as I slowly pulled myhand away, letting it rest on my belly.God, my hormones were out of control.
Actually, my emotions were out of control, but in a verygood way.My lips curved up at the corners, forming a small, sated smile.Iblinked open my eyes, my gaze focusing on the ceiling.My muscles were nothingand moving from this bed was the last thing I wanted, but I…
I felt…alive.
Colton really did know the way to my heart.
