“I know you too well not to understand that you have a different take on the actual practice of such a thing.”
“Not necessarily. There are ways this could happen where no one would have to get hurt, where everyone could benefit. But you’re my sister, Evie. I’ve watched you go through hell this last month or so and it’s broken my heart, been the only blemish on my otherwise very happy new life. I am experienced enough in such matters to know you could still be hurt. And that indulging in ruminations over the past might not be the healthiest way of overcoming a broken heart.”
Evelina stared at her hands again. “You could be right, of course. There are certainly ways where I might come out of this situation even more damaged than when I came in. But you must understand that we do have rules. And Vaughn is very kind. He isn’t just using me to hurt his wife and friend. He knows I have feelings in this, as well, and he isn’t trying to run me over.”
“That’s good.” Arabella sipped her tea. “And what are the terms?”
“We know how often we’ll spend time together, how we’ll interact in public. And…” She trailed off because the other rule she was about to tell her sister was the very one he’d suggested they change after that heated kiss in the carriage two nights before.
“Will he fuck you?”
Evelina jerked her head up. “Gracious, leave it to you to be so damned direct about it.”
Arabella shrugged one shoulder lightly. “It’s part of my charm. Will he?”
“Well, at first we agreed that wouldn’t happen. That we would be only friends and partners in this deception. But then…then something happened after the opera.”
“Something?” Arabella’s brows lifted. “Is it the something I think it was?”
“We didn’t go to bed if that’s what you’re thinking.” Her sister looked almost disappointed but didn’t interrupt. “But we did kiss. Not for show like it’s been before…but a real kiss, in the privacy of the rig.”
“I see. And how was that?”
“It’s been a long time since someone kissed me like that. Like I was breath, do you know what I mean? Like he might starve if he couldn’t devour me.”
Arabella smiled gently. “I do know. That’s a hell of a kiss for two people who aren’t going to mix business and pleasure.”
“It was,” Evelina agreed. “Afterward, he asked if I wanted to renegotiate the terms of our arrangement. He left me to think about it and said we could discuss it the next time we meet.”
“Which is?”
“Tomorrow night,” Evelina said. “We’re going to a soiree at the home of a mistress of one of his friends. He sent me the details yesterday.”
“With any pressure to consider making your connection more than a kiss?” Arabella asked.
“None at all,” she said. “But I think I must have an answer when we next meet. So that we don’t get things mixed up and one or both of us gets even more hurt than we already have been. So it is real or not real?”
Arabella wrinkled her brow. “It’s very rarely real for women in our position, you know. We build sandcastles around it, we might even enjoy it and truly care for the men we align with, but Evelina, most of us don’t expect a future. You had something different with Harry, but that was rare.”
“And very much a lie,” Evelina said with a shiver.
“All I’m saying is that you don’t have to choose sex or pretend. You can have orgasms and fun and still have it be meaningless beyond your desire to the same end. It can be brief and leave you unscarred.”
“I was never very good at that part,” Evelina said.
“No. For a variety of reasons scarring seems like it’s always been part of your journey.” Arabella covered her hand. “And Julia is little better. She’s been chasing a fairytale since we rescued her from Father’s traps and brought her here into the life.”
“Funny that you, the only pragmatic one, is the one who ended up with the fairytale,” Evelina said.
Arabella blushed now and it was such a rare thing that Evelina caught her breath to see it. “Itisa fairytale,” her sister agreed. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve it. But it’s mine and I won’t return the life Silas and I share.”
“Nor should you.” Evelina sighed. “I know you’re right about the passion part. That I can have passion without love, or the hope of a future.”
“If that’s what you want,” Arabella stressed. “So is it? Do you want him?”
Evelina shivered because the question set off a cascade of reaction through her body that she had no control over. “Oh, Arabella, I haven’t wanted anyone but Harry for so long. It almost feels like betraying him to say yes. But yes.Yes, when Vaughn kissed me all I wanted was for him to ask me to go upstairs. To press me against any surface that would bear our weight and just take me until I could forget all the pain and heartbreak of the last six weeks.”
“That sounds like as good a reason to do it as any.” Arabella smiled. “It will certainly make your outward appearances be more genuine. The passion will look real between you because it will be real.”
